10/25/12
-----------
Sorry for the long-ish absence. I’ve been reading a lot lately plus being sick. I finally finished White Oleander. It’s kind of interesting to remember the movie without some of the things from the book. I now realize that Michelle Pfieffer was perfect for the role of Ingrid Maghussen. I’ll have to watch it again for the rest but yea, I’m glad I read it! Now I’m about to read Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn. I’m not sure there will be a discussion guide for it but I will figure it out somehow. I always do of course. Last week was a bad week. On Tuesday, I told my dad as he was on his way to the kitchen to pet U turn. He kept getting in my dad’s way so I figured if my dad just paid attention to him, he’d just be happy and move on. Well, U turn has this thing where if Rory or my dad pets him, he urinates. I was watching him from the living room and I thought U turn was squatting funny, but I couldn’t tell. Then my dad took one step forward, slipped, and fell. He knocked everything from the shelf down and hit his head on the tile floor. I of course freaked. He told me not to call 911, so I didn’t but ugh what an ordeal. I called Brian thinking he’d be there for me but we ended up fighting instead. In my opinion, had it been him, I’d have been there, no questions asked. He thinks I needed to specifically tell him that. 7 months together in which marriage is already a common discussion, and I have to tell you to come be with me? What if I had to take him to the hospital? Thank goodness I didn’t! I told him I wanted to be alone and he tried to tell me he’d already been getting ready to come over. I mean, how I was supposed to know that when you acted like you didn’t really want to when I was on the phone with you? I don’t want you to come over because you think I’m mad though! I guess I’m asking for too much but I thought he was my best friend, too. I tried to apologize later for being crazy and get him to cuddle with me but he wouldn’t and get ended up getting in a fight that I’m not sure I’ll ever get over really. He says he never gets time for himself and always drops everything for me. He says nothing he does is good enough for me. That upsets me so much, Rita, because I’ve pushed constantly for him to take his space and he doesn’t. His idea of space is him playing world of warcraft in his parents’ hotter than hell house while I sit and wait for him to be done. Yea, after 3 or 4 hours, I get a little antsy. I try to stay home now but his WOW time becomes more frequent. I try not to ask when we’re leaving, but towards the end, I get tired of it. I’m sorry I don’t have the internet at my house, but God. I never asked anything from him but a boyfriend and best friend. I don’t feel that “the smallest misstep sets me off” is true. Anyway, it was a week ago and it’s over now but it still bothers me. I feel like since it’s not new anymore, he’s going back to the Brian he was before me. I mean, I get he’s stressed too but… I don’t know. This is only part of why I feel like we are not going to end up together. I also feel like I can’t handle his kid. Brody is so different than Winter. I mean, obviously ‘cause they’re different kids, but still. I know Winter was 2 so she was still impressionable, and Brody was 9 when Brian and I made it official. Winter didn’t know her parents very well, Brody does. Still, his parents have never been together--just like Winter. So I don’t know, but he acts like such a spoiled brat some days. He’s very moody and it’s just hard for me to want to deal with that and share Brian.
Today you told me, “our thoughts become ideas which then become things that happen." I’ve heard that before--many times actually--but for some reason, it struck a chord with me today. I can try to change my attitude. I guess I’m going to have to. It’s not going to be easy with Brian who so easily bruises me with his lack of emotion and view on life in general. BUT enough excuses. Time to change my view and push out the fears and paranoias.
So enough of this depressed/”bad” relationship stuff. So yea, then after that fight, I cried myself to sleep. When I woke up, I had a nasty stomach flu! I would have thought it was from being so upset/worried but I had diarrhea, vomiting, fever, sweating, the works. Plus it lasted the better part of a week. Tuesday (the 23rd) I thought I was well enough to hand out flyers. No such luck. I did good for the most part. Unfortunately, I only did like 244 :/. The last house I did was vacant (I think. There was 1 couch but other than that it was empty). And next door, these gentlemen were doing some work. They smiled and waved at me and I walked a few feet and then I felt like I had to go right then. I panicked, wondering what to do and finally, I ran back to the vacant house, to the backyard, under a tree, pulled my pants down, and it was bad. I had to use flyers to wipe and I was super embarrassed. So Brian picked me up and took me home. Yesterday, I spent 6 hours at the library to do 4 applications. But you knew this because we were texting. Haha. Today was decent. I didn’t do jack. I watched TV and finished questions from my book club questions. I think I’ll do laundry tomorrow. I really need to do my room but I just haven’t had the motivation yet…
So Brian’s going to download my fave shows for me (all seasons) and burn them for my for my birthday. I should think about this and compile a list. Haha. I already have Instant Star even though it’s a little messed up, and I have Flash Forward even though I think there’s more episodes. I’ll write that one down anyway just in case. Here goes.
1. Supernatural
2. Friends <3
3. Law and Order SVU
4. 7th Heaven
5. Flash Forward
6. Boy meets World
7. Full House
8. Dexter
9. Breaking bad
10. Growing Pains
Well that’s all I can think of for now because the men are talking and it’s distracting. I’ll write more tomorrow.
No comments:
Post a Comment