10/5/12

10/5/12
---------
Thank God it’s Friday?  Meh.  Who cares.  I’m in a very shitty mood.  I wish things were different.  I’m trying to make them different but it’s not going very well and it’s so exhausting!  I wish I could just sleep all the time, God.  I really don’t have much to tell you, but do you want to hear something sad?  Dumb question, right?  No of course you don’t want to hear something sad.  Lol.  But yes, I’m going to tell you anyway.  So the karaoke crowd has a friend, er, a couple of friends, Dawn and Bob.  They are married.  Well, a couple of days ago, Dawn died.  It was so sad for the people close to her. I myself did not know her, but I did not like her husband at all. In fact, at Nicole’s birthday party he creeped me out so bad that my hair stood on end.  He was just making lewd comments and right in front of his wife.  Ugh.  Anyway, I found out she killed herself and I was talking to one of her friends who was telling me that it just didn’t make sense.  She seems to think that maybe the husband had something to do with it.  I guess they were going through a divorce.  She just thinks it's weird that Dawn spoke to NO ONE about anything ever.  Really, I’m not going to try and make this some murder mystery but it does make me feel like somehow, life really failed this woman.  It reminds me of Tyron, you know?  Like, just the thoughts that run through my mind.  What were they thinking?  Morbid thoughts too--ones I don’t really want to spend more time thinking about.  It also reminds me of the times I tried to commit suicide.  It wasn’t successful.  But I understand the point people get to when they finally attempt death.  It’s either a complete loss of feeling and emotion completely, or it’s like you’re in so much emotional pain that one more second of it, is ultimate torture.  So ending your life means the end of it.  If you believe suicides go to hell, you may think their suffering only gets worse.  I don’t believe that though.  I believe if you’re saved, you go on to heaven. If not… well then yea.  But enough about all this.  Dawn, wherever you are, just know you are missed by many.  I know how it is to waste yourself and I wish you’d held on one more day--but peace be with you.

<3,
me