12:37am
Hey sweets!
Well, I'm still at your house doing laundry. The good news is I got everything cleaned. It's either sitting in the washer waiting to be dried or it's in the dryer. The bad news is this is about 3/4 of my laundry. I have another tub of stuff I need to clean. Brian didn't even think I'd get THIS far. Haha I showed him. Well kinda. Eep now I hafta go potty. After this song though. I <3 Debbie Gibson. It reminds me of driving in the car to and from ballet practice with my mom. I eventually wore the tape out I think. Alright gotta go. Alrighty. I'm baaaaack. Okay I think Imma interpret ur dreams now. Yay!
{dreamland}
I hope this is enough for you. I would have done more but it's almost 2 in the morning. I hope my clothes are close to drying cuz I'm funking tired. I couldn't even spell Fuck! Gimme a break it's been a long day. And my body isn't used to this extra hour so in my head it's already 3am. HOly hell I am on page 71 and it's only the 5th of the month. Thank you so much for putting this song on. RIP Lisa "Left Eye" Lopez. Something Wicked This Way Comes. Well, if I have to write more than 90 pages I'm sure you won't mind.
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November 5th, 2007
1:30pm
I am so fucking pissed off right now. Brian didn't even wait until I left for work before he started smoking [pot]. When we had that big argument I said, "Why should I let this go when you're going to do it anyway after the fact?" And he said, "No I'm not going to." And then a few nights ago I asked Nathan if he was still smoking pot and he said yeah when he gets really stressed out. But Brian never told me that. It's like he says shit to try to calm me down but he still continues to do it. I don't fucking care one way or another but he feels the need to hide it from me yet again and THEN not even wait till I'm out of the fucking house before doing it. He was like, "Well I know if makes you feel uncomfortable so I shut the door." LIKE THAT'S ANY FUCKING BETTER! "Oh, I know you don't like it when I cheat on you so I'm shutting the door so you don't have to see me fuck someone else."
What the hell? He told me it pissed him off that I asked nathan. Well, I wanted to know what was going on. And I wasn't sure why he was hiding it from me so I didn't know if he'd tell me the truth. I wasn't pissed off about it until I caught him today. I guess it pissed me off cuz for one he just got away with doing it and for two he knew I knew--I knew he was doing it--but we hadn't spoken about it and he just did it while I was still there. It's like, if you're such a free spirit, why would you do something that hurts me knowing that I felt uncomfortable and just did it behind my back? If he was a free spirit he'd at least be honest about doing it and not "feel bad" while doing it. I love him but he can be such a dumbass sometimes. He's like, "I didn't know I had to tell you everytime I was doing it." And I was just like, "It would have been nice to know what you were doing since you did tell me that you weren't going to do it since it caused such a huge fight." I mean if he doesn't really mean something he shouldn't fucking say it! If he wants to do something, as long as it's not hurting anyone then more power to him. He's a grownup. But if he feels like he needs to lie about it then it's not something he should really be doing. That's all I'm saying. What do people think when I talk to them? That I'm not serious when I say I just want people to be honest with me? I've already ranted about how I've been kept in the dark my whole life, but it just hurts when my own boyfriend can't be fully honest with me. After 4 years of being together. I have to admit that for about a week I wasn't fully honest with him when I hung out with Marlon, but it didn't last anyway. I didn't feel right about it so I stopped. I don't really keep anything from him I mean even if I want to cuz sometimes I forget or it's not important. But this pot thing has gotten him lying to me and making me feel like a chump for believing him when he tells me things and then tries to make me feel bad for not believing him. What the hell is going on with him? You don't do something you know is hurtful towards someone you love and then lie about it.
Well, I'm not gonna sit here and bitch about this all day. I WAS going to write about something good that happened last night but Brian ruined it this morning. I'll write about it later when I'm not so mad. Oh and I've made almost $40.00 today just from people leaving their money here. I don't even care right now. If they want it they'll come back. If not then I have dinner/breakfast money.
All I want from this relationship with Brian is trust, communication and respect. It's what our whole relationship has been based on. I dunno what happened but I hope it can still be that way. He just needs to stop doing really stupid things. man this day went by fast. I want to count my drawer and see if everything is okay. I just want to go home. I'm freaking exhausted.
I'll write later.
<3,
me
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*a little later*
Ooooh I like this pen. I think I might keep it. Haha! Chels, are you sick of me babbling yet? I hope not cuz it's going to be going on for quite a while. I've been thinking and I have come to the conclusion that it seems like I am repeating myself because I kind of am. I talk about one thing that reminds me of something else and then I'll write about that and then remember another thing I forgot about earlier. I guess it's because so many things have happened to me that it all gets jumbled up and it's hard to comprehend certain things. So, if I've already told you something, please let me know. Or if I said I was going to finish something but I never did please let me know so that I can add onto what I was gonna say. Alright? Alright.
I feel better about Brian. I still dunno if I'll be happy to see him but I'll work on it.
wow do I know how to clean out a room or what? It was so busy all day today and now there is no one coming to me. I'm just glad I'll get to go home early so I can relax for a bit. I was so pissed off I didn't even want to go to school but I really need to. I have some homework I need to finish (haha okay START). It's not due till Thursday though so I still have some time.
Oh before I forget--thank you for letting me do my laundry. You should know that if we had a washer and dryer you could always do your laundry :).
Uuuugh I am SO hungry. I really need to get something to eat. I think I'll go to Publix. I need to get some lettuce for the turtle. He's out of meal worms and all he's been eating for the past few days are his shrimpy things. I am really worried that we did the wrong thing by keeping the little guy. I just want him to be a happy little turtle. I hope we can get him the things he needs to make his home more enjoyable.
Woot woot! 8 minutes till I get to leave. I think I'm gonna go.
<3,
Rita
4:40pm
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