November 3rd, 2010

November 3rd, 2010
1:12am

Wow, it’s November 3rd already.  These days are just flying by.  In 3 more days I’ll be in Florida!  I can’t wait.  I’m sick of the cold already.  So… I owe you a Halloween story.
So, I get up and I don’t really know what time I’m supposed to be at my cousin’s place.  So at 2pm I call their house and the 11 year old answers.  I ask if we’re still on for trick-or-treating and she says they’re all going that night.  I asked if I could still come early and she said yeah so I get there around 3.  There were no cars in the driveway so my first thought was, “No not again!”  But then I thought since Chloe answered the phone, she might still be home.
So I walked up to the front door and it was open and I could see Chloe sitting at the computer.  So I walked in and we talked for a bit.  She was working on her homework and at first I was reading it but then I stopped myself so she could work on it herself.  I found a book to read but only got to page 7 before Gary, Jenny AND Maddy (who was supposed to be dropped off at a friend’s house) came walking through the door.
Apparently, since Maddy’s phone charger was at her mom’s house, her phone died and she didn’t get the text her friend sent saying not to come after a certain time because she wouldn’t be home.  So she announced that she was going to work on her Halloween costume.  I asked her if she needed some help on her hair and she said, “yes, I could use some help.”  So we got to work.  She wanted lots of little braids all situated around her head.  They didn’t have to be perfect because she was going to wear a bandana, but she wanted them all around.  At first she just wanted to grab a section of hair and start braiding but this girl has some hair on that head.  It’s down to her back and strawberry blonde.  Super gorgeous.  But she never does anything with it because it would take forever.  I had to separate her hair into parts which was not easy because she doesn’t have any clips whatsoever.  So I had to improvise, which was fun, lol.  While I was braiding her hair we talked about some stuff.  She said that her mom had a mental disorder and she looked it up and apparently it’s genetic and she’s afraid of it happening to her.  I told her she can’t be afraid to live her life but she also has a way better support group than her mom did growing up.  And if she ever needs someone to talk to, she always has me.
She talked about Kathy, too.  She said that when she talks about her gramma passing away and people not understanding why it would hurt so much still, she gets really frustrated.  I said it’s because Kathy was more of a mom to you than your own mom (but not to be hurtful).
We both just looked at each other in the mirror and she looked like she was gonna cry.  I just kept braiding her hair, I guess to keep myself from bawling.  When I found out that Kathy’s cancer came back and she wasn’t gonna make it, the thing that hit me the most wasn’t that she was going to die.  It was that very statement, that Kathy was more of a mom to Maddy and Chloe, and they deserve so much better.  That thought alone made me cry more than anything else.  So when I said it out loud and Maddy agreed with me, I knew I would lose it if we kept talking about it.  I also apologized for being kind of mean last Christmas (the first Christmas without Kathy).  When I was born up until my gramma Schory’s passing away we (my parents and I) would always spend Christmas with my dad’s side of the family.  When she died (on Christmas) we started being invited to the Cihak’s.  Maddy was just a baby when we started.  So now all of her Christmas memories include me (except for when I was in Florida).  I think that’s another reason why I don’t want to leave here.
So… now that Kathy’s gone, that holiday isn’t the same.  But I have her to thank for being as close to that side of the family as I am.
I finally got Maddy’s hair braided and she loved it.  I only wish I had gotten a picture of her in full pirate garb.  The braids looked awesome.  After her dad got back from dropping her off at her friend’s house (again), we all (Gary, Amy, Jenny, Andy, Chloe, the dogs, and myself) all went trick-or-treating.  The last time I went was in Florida so I kept getting flashbacks of you, me, and Melissa walking around in your old neighborhood.  That was the best Halloween I ever had down there.  The previous year Brian and I were homeless, and the year after I was dealing with some weird bad energy that Nathan brought into the house.  I remember that one family that gave us Pringles, lol.  And Geoff’s house… he was a little weird.  But I had fun otherwise.
Trick-or-treating in that neighborhood was like a real life treat.  The houses were beyond amazing and a lot of the people were just giving handfuls of candy away so we (Chloe and I) ended up getting a really good stash.  Gary kept saying that it was all going into a communal bowl (meaning he just wanted the candy but he didn’t want to carry around his own bag).  Lazy!  I just ended up swapping candy later with Chloe and Maddy.  I put everything I could fit into my purse and gave them the rest.  Maddy put crumpled up paper in the bottom of the communal bowl to make it look bigger.  I mean, to make it look like there was more.

And that pretty much summed up my Halloween!  Phew…. it took me like 3 days but I finally did it.  Go me!  Okay….. now I have to tell you the “Kristie” story.  Ugh.  This could take the rest of the diary (I’m hoping).  I think I figured out what I’m bringing with me on my trip.  My phone to write diary entries (and dreams), the book club journal and a few (maybe 5) books.  I think I will also bring a list of Twilight poetry topics to work on.  Ahhhh… perfect!  It’s after 2pm and I haven’t taken my vitamins or eaten or anything so I think I’m gonna do all that and come back so I can write.  ugh… this is a LOT of stuff, lol.  Love you!

<3,
me
2:12pm
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7:35pm
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Wow that was a long break.  I made myself a samich (grilled cheese on potato bread) and watched Twilight and New Moon while working on NBS.  Now I’m watching Supernatural.  Ugh… how am I not finished with this thing yet?  Lol… anyways…
So, I met Kristie in 2005, at a show at Solid Sounds.  While I was still living with John, the boys (John, Steven and Brian) went to a concert in Miami.  I didn’t want to go because I had been surrounded by those knuckleheads all month.  No one was at the show besides Kristie.  She would call herself “Drew’s sister” because she knew him since the 6th grade.  I don’t remember which show, it might have been Vile Feast which happened in the beginning of October and Brian and I didn’t get kicked out till my birthday.
Oh… before I forget.  Just to keep things straight…
Osiris Rising consisted of:
Brian Vorisek (Vor) on drums and vocals
Paul Arthur on bass guitar
Joe Arthur on lead guitar
Michael Ibarra on lead vocals and guitar.

They were around first, but then Vor and Joe went on to form Vile Feast with Vor on lead vocals.  In December 2005, Joe’s drinking got really bad and he would forget songs and whatever he was working on.  I remember there was a concert in December called Merry Mayhem.  Vor was really upset because Osiris Rising was breaking up.  They “fired” Mike because they (the other band members) wanted to go in a different direction.  There was a lot of speculation on what the real reason was an of course people took sides and gossiped, blah blah blah.
I remember and IM conversation between Joe and Brian (my ex) in which they fired Mike due to artistic differences.
So, at this show, Vor had a lot to drink.  I mean he was more than wasted. He was laying in his car with his legs hanging out the door, drinking and crying.  He even climbed on top of a mack truck (it didn’t have any wheels and it was just really tall).  Three weeks after that, Joe was dead.
I remember having to tell Brian.  I took the day off work because I was on my period and the last time I went to work on my period I ended up almost fainting and had to be driven home.  I called at like 8am and then went back to sleep.  Around 10am Earnest called me and told me the news… I know I’ve told you this story already so I’m not gonna tell it again.  It’s just too hard.
So anyways, after Brian got home and I told him, there was a vigil at Paul’s apartment (Paul, his gf and baby daughter, and Joe all lived in the same apartment).  When Brian and I got there, we were greeted by Kristie.  She was actually one of the last people to see him alive.  Actually, she last saw him, his girlfriend Casey got a drunken phone call from him at like 4am, and this other girl named Wendi passed the accident but she didn’t know that it was him in there.
Kristie and I sort of bonded over that whole thing.  She would call me crying.  But it soon started to annoy me because she would call me all upset and crying and then just started talking to someone else.  I would soon learn that this is what she was like.  And she would never just text me.  It’s still like that. I don’t hear from her for months and then she calls me but it’s never at a decent hour, it’s like 12:30am or something.  Whenever I hang out with her she is always in some drama over a different guy and she is ALWAYS texting.  So I’ve never understood why she always has to call me but she can text everyone else.  And being on the phone with her is pointless.  Oh, there was something I didn’t mention about the night of the vigil.  We were all outside and I saw Mike sitting on the curb so I sat next to him and talked to him for a while.  I think the reason why he and Vor (now Devorah) still talk to me is for the same reason why everyone else stopped.  Because I sat with Mike when no one else would.  And I rubbed Vor’s back to comfort him when no one else was brave enough to.  I remember the day of Joe’s funeral.  I had to work a couple hours and then Brian picked me up.  I wore pink because i didn’t have anything black.  I had one black shirt that I got for a job interview but that was back at John’s house and I lost a lot of stuff at his place.  I felt bad but there wasn’t much I could do about it.
Kristie came with us to Ihop after the funeral and then we took her car to the concert.  I left my purse in her car so I didn’t have my camera or ID with me, which turned out to be a good thing because everyone over the age of 18 got arrested (those who were outside).  In a way I’m glad that happened because it was getting out of hand… the older kids just wanted to drink and listen to music and all the younger kids went for the drama.  This was all at Solid Sounds.  When I was out there with you, all I could see was everyone hanging out together out back.  Vor getting wasted, Lauren and me sitting on the curb watching Drew and Trix making out in his car (before they got together), Brian acting like an asshole.
Ahhh poop I have to eat dinner.  I’ll bbs!

Love,
me

9:47pm
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10:25pm
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I’m baaaaaaack!  Didja miss me?  Well… I don’t remember the point of telling you all of these Kristie stories.  Just that I met and bonded with her over shitty circumstances, I guess just like you got thrown together with Erin and Melissa this past week.
Before… I would have told you to stay away from them both.  But… people grieve in so many different ways.  When Joe died, everyone got together and drank for like 6 months straight before one by one dropping like flies.  Same like your group.  Everyone will huddle together and then slowly drift away.  Well, those friendships that were strong to begin with will continue to grow strong and the ones that aren’t strong won’t go anywhere.  That’s usually the way things go.  You know what’s important to you.
Wow… 5 more pages and I’m done with this thing… I can hardly believe it.  My dad is being an idiot tonight.  He has a stroke club meeting on Friday and one of his stroke club buddies is coming to pick his butt up.  my mom said she has to work but she might have the day off, depending on how much work she has to do (she has to work Saturday which is the day of my flight but she can choose her hours).  I’m kinda scared to drive my car because I still haven’t gotten my sticker renewed.  I feel like I stick out like a sore thumb.
Tomorrow I am dropping off my timesheet, picking up pictures and cashing my uncle’s checks.  I hope I get my paycheck before I leave but I doubt it. Ugh.
So… I think I will save the rest of this for tomorrow.  It’s after 11pm and I wanna take a nice hot bath.

<3,
me

11:19pm