November 3rd, 2007
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hey stickybuns!
Well, it's a little after 1 in the morning and I just spent practically the whole day with you. I know what you're thinking. "What more could this girl possibly say?" I just wanted to say I'm so glad I came over. Sheesh. I haven't had upstairs neighbors in so long I have to get used to it all over again. Blah. I am not looking forward to clinics. I'm gonna have to massage some stupid bitch again that doesn't like me. Ugh. Oh well. I'm almost finished so it doesn't matter. Once I get finished with my
clinics I'm going to do community services. I want to do more than I'm supposed to.
Ahhhh I'm watching this movie called "Hanging up." It always makes me want to have children. So... I think I'm not going to do the book too. Just what's inside here. But I WILL make it festive for you so all the things I want to do will be after this entry. I mean after however many pages I write. But thanks for cooperating with me (not like you had a choice, haha).
Well, I am gonna go for now. SWEET DREAMS!
<3,
me
#2:
November 3rd, 2007
1:31pm
Hey sweets,
Well, I have to say that I am very proud of this notebook. It looks a lot happier than our first one. :). Ugh my head hurts. I'm so tired. I did 3 massages today. The first two were fine. But I soon found out that the last lady I massaged was upset because she didn't get who she really wanted to massage her. Okay let me just point this out to you. This is a S-C-H-O-O-L. You only have to pay $20.00 to get a massage. Also, you don't get to "play favorites." It's not fair to any of the other students if the people choose who does them. Then they'll get used to that one person massaging them and they don't get experience with any other body types. How is that fair? When we're all licensed professionals then we can do whatever we want and if someone wants you to massage them, fine. Ugh! I just hate it when people take shit out on you for no reason. Uuuuugggghhhh my head hurts. I don't feel good. I wanted to clean up my room but I dunno. I'll see how I feel in a little bit. I'm eating some Chinese food.
1) Throw away garbage
2) Put dishes in the sink
3) organize laundry
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(my little list for cleaning up my room :). I'mma eat and lay down.
1:51pm
#3:
*a little after 5pm*
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Hey girl--
Well, the room isn't perfect but it's a TON better than it was a couple hours ago. I have some clothes to wash. Okay a TON of clothes to wash. And I'm afraid I have some bad news. Ryan's bank overdrafted his account so he doesn't have rent money yet... which means that I can't get the pics developed yet. I CAN do SOME of your present but I guess the final touches will have to wait. Oh poop. SO what are you up to today? I have about an hour before I have to go to work. Ack. I'm getting so tired of getting up early on Saturdays and then going to work at night. I better be almost finished!
So... I want to talk about Lisa before I do anything else. I hope that's okay. I just have to get all this out. She met Carlos basically the same night that I met Mike. They started going out officially about a month after. I didn't agree with a lot that went on there, but she and Carlos were so cute together. I remember this one Sunday I was supposed to go to work but I didn't know when I was supposed to go in. About a week before I got the job at the Anderson Animal Shelter. Mike would get pissed off at me because I would get really tired after work and I didn't want to go all the way to Lisa's house. My friend Jen was having a birthday party that night. I went to work that morning, went to Lisa's house that afternoon and then drove to Jen's house. I remember I was wearing this strawberry shirt that was fitted and showed off some skin. It was November so I wore this double zippered jacket my previous boyfriend's mom gave to me. Mike was already drunk (it wasn't in the afternoon) and when he saw me he freaked out about what I was wearing, so I zipped up the jacket a little bit. I got to Jen's house around 7 and I thought about taking my phone with me but I decided against it. Well, we all went to the restaurant and when we got home it was after 10. I saw that I had 11 missed messages. I called Mike to tell him I was okay and I was on my way there. Well, on my way to Lisa's house I started listening to the messages and they started out okay but then he just got really mean. I thought about turning around and going back to the party or my parents' house (which is what I SHOULD have done). By the time I got to her house he was already passed out. She let me in and I somehow got him from the couch to the girls' room so he could sleep in a real bed. But during the night I wrote him a bunch of letters saying how pissed off I was that I left my friend's party for him and he was passed out by the time I got there. I was goin to talk to him about it. But I just wasn't strong enough. I did what I did because I was in love with him but I was forgetting about myself. :(> But when he woke up he said, "Thank you for coming. I would have been really hurt if you didn't come." I just remember getting really pissed off. But I just stifled it. So... the next morning I was supposed to go to work but no one had told me when I was supposed to go and I kept calling. Mike's boss had a job for everyone--Mike, Joe (Mike's brother), and Carlos. So Lisa drove them all to the site and instead of going to work I spent the day at the house with Lisa. We bonded and talked about things and she told me that she missed Carlos when he wasn't around. He made her heart happy. Her whole face would light up when they were together. I had been with Mike since August but I never felt that way about him. I didn't really fall in love until... I dunno. I don't remember falling in love. I think it was when I got pregnant. I just wanted to be close to him all the time. I was so vulnerable and pretty much everything made me cry. So I was a lot clingier I guess. After my miscarriage, Lisa and I got a lot closer. I guess she felt bad I had to go through that. I found out from her that even though she had given birth to 2 children, she had been pregnant 5 times in total. She had twins that miscarried and one abortion I think. And she was trying to get pregnant with Carlos.
I remember one night after Mike and I moved out, it was snowing. Mike was mad because we had to take a whole bunch of trips cuz I had a small car and she had a van. But I didn't care. I remember they came to visit and she just looked different. He had really calmed her down. She wanted to get married and settle down. And the next year (August 15th, 2003 to be exact, almost a year to the date that they met) they got married.It's funny because I realize that if I had carried the baby to term, it would have been born August 16th, 2003--exactly a year after we met and started dating. Even though Lisa and Carlos fought, I think they were perfect for each other. I was still naive and I didn't know much about what all went into relationships, I knew what happy was. I wanted that with Mike. But what everyone else was telling me about love, I just didn't have.
So... Carlos died on Heather's birthday last year (December 26th, 2006). For someone who was THAT in love with someone--I don't know if she's really happy with this new man. I just can't believe she is really married w/ a baby not even a year after Carlos died. If Brian died, I don't know if I could ever get over it. I mean, eventually I would, but once you connect with someone else's soul, it doesn't just let go like that. She might be really happy, or just tying to create a new life from one that was taken away from her. ::sighs::. I don't know why I care so much.
Blah. It's 6:18pm. I DUN WANNA GO TO WORK!! ::Throws tantrum::.I love you! I gotta get ready.
Hmph!
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