2:50pm
Hey Chels!
Whee it’s Friday! I somehow survived this week! I was pretty sure that the anniversary of Joe’s death was January 22nd but someone posted that it was today (I checked on a calendar and it was the 22nd because it was a Sunday at like 6am but I always thought it was the 21st also).
I went through some of my old journals and wow--I just can’t believe some of the things I said. And for being a writer--depending on how tired I was--I would just write with pronouns and not really elaborate on what I meant to say. Of course this has inspired me to reread all of my journals and make notes of what I meant so the audience is clear about what I actually meant as opposed to what they think I meant. It wasn’t until lately that I actually started paying real attention to what I was writing… which I think I have mentioned before.
I just want to say I am so sorry about you and your brother got into a huge fight. The first boy a girl looks up to as how to be treated by boys is her brother and it’s a shame that yours is such an asshole. You are an amazing person. I’m not just offering lip service or whatever, I’m being completely honest. I have watched you grow from this extremely socially awkward, niave yet bubbly girl to this amazing woman who yeah is a bit of a bitch but that’s definitely not a bad thing. The thing I am most proud of in you is the fact that you no longer allow people to be toxic to you. When you wrote me that horrible note and you said that I hated all of your friends--I just hated the fact that you let people treat you like crap and I felt like you (at the time) would stick up for any of them before you would stick up for me. I know that most of the time I come off like I don’t need anyone to stick up for me, but it just hurt me that you never did (at least not to my knowledge). Of course it’s not like that now and I know you were really sick at the time--we both were. Most people (especially Ryan) never understood that it wasn’t just in 6 months that we got over that hurt and started trust each other again. This had been going on ever since that fight and it took 2 long years (and Twitter) to repair the damage. I never want to go through that again. It’s funny--we both loved Ryan for all of his potential--and were both gravely disappointed--and I saw all of this potential in you as a friend and now look at us. When I first met you in PTG I never knew you and I would have this amazing friendship. My favorite time is still when I lived in Florida. Even though it didn’t work out, I feel like I was meant to be there. For Joe’s death, to have my bunny, to meet everyone I ended up meeting, and to be there for you and have you there for me. I am 28 years old and I may still not have my massage license and I may still live at home but I can honestly say that there is so little I regret because I’ve done so much in my life so far.
You should feel that way, too. Yeah, life has dealt you some crappy hands, but look at all you HAVE done. You went to school for 2 different trades, you maintained a relationship with Winter, you take care of your dad, thanks to Erin you got out of your shell and are more comfy with singing/performing in front of people, you got divorced and you got your permit. It is never too late to go after the things you really want in life. And you always have me. :).
Ugh I swear this cold weather is fucking with my menstrual cycle. Get here already, you stupid .!
Love you!
Rita
3:51
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