June 26th, 2012

June 26th, 2012
12:03pm

Hey Chels,
Well, I am a bigger idiot than I thought I was.  Apparently July 4th was the only time Steve could really take off work and come see me but like an idiot I told him I had other plans so when I told him about my plans to take a trip to see him he basically discouraged me from going.  He said that people don't normally take vacations in the summer (I guess he fixes air conditioners or something).  Well, it would be a weekend so there would be a better chance of him being home but I don't know what his hours are normally like and there's no way to really tell.  So... I screwed myself out of the only time I could have seen him this summer.  I am so bummed right now I want to cry BUT!  Everything happens for a reason and I still feel like if he really wanted us to meet he'd make something happen and at least now I put the idea in his head of how much I'd like to see him and maybe something else will work out.  It's not the first time he's disappointed me, either lol.  I mean he already got married to someone else.  I just didn't realize how important it would be to me to see him until I really wanted to and got fed up with not seeing him.  But... he's always said "this will be the year we meet" and then nothing.  So... maybe next year?  Not sure if I will still be available by then but if not I'll remind him that it was his turn to be an idiot and discourage me from going over there to see him when I had the chance.

Wow so apparently there is no law against letting your cats roam around the neighborhood and my mom is just hysterical about it.  I feel bad for her and I wish there was something I could do about it.  It's really fucking annoying to have baby birds outside and then a cat just waiting for one of them to fall down so he can have a snack.  it's fucking ridiculous and my mom has done everything sort of murdering the cats to make them go away.

I have a lot more to write but am still kind of tired from just waking up and I still have to figure out what I'm gonna do today.  Will write later!

<3,
me

12:25pm
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9:19pm

Hey Chels,
Holy shit I'm freaking exhausted!  I basically worked on nbs all day, which was great, but I had a lot of stuff to catch up on which took forever so that sucked.  I don't really feel bummed out anymore about Steve.  It was a great idea but you know, he could have visited me at ANY time in the 11 years that we've known each other but he didn't.  And I'm not gonna spend money I don't have traveling across the country to see some guy I'm not even 100% sure I want to be with, at least for now.  But I DID figure out what I want my birthday present to be. I really want to go on that Cali/Washington trip so I am going to figure out a time to go and all of that and see how much plane tickets are and then talk to my mom about it.  Tacoma, Seattle, then Sacremento/San Fran.  I want to make it far enough into the future so I can save up some real money, but that's truly what I want for my 30th b'day.
Alright well, I need to take a break and grab something to eat before I pass out.  I love you!

<3,
me

9:29pm