5:15pm
Hey Chels,
What's up, my dear? I am having the strangest afternoon over here. That girl I was telling you about was talking to me today, she wanted me to be in a threesome with her and her boyfriend. Ugh, I don't even know how this crazy girl found me! On the one hand it's flattering to have a girl hit on me, but I'm just not in the market for crazy threesome sex. I just want to be left alone. I know what would happen. I would get caught in the middle of some weird sex thing. Like they're crazy evangelists who are going to poison me and then torture me and kill me. Or one of them could develop feelings for me and then blame me for the demise of their relationship. Or a bunch of other crazy things. I don't get this "joke".
So anyway... I deleted and blocked Jenelle from my twitter page. I was gonna give it a week, but fuck it. She never answered me back so I just blocked her. That's what my fb status was about today. I'm so sick of this garbage. I know Barry can't handle rejection, I think that's why he keeps people around that are weak, because it helps him feel important to be needed. And so when they fuck up, it helps him "look better" in the eyes of his peers. I guess I didn't fit because I didn't need fixing. But I do know that somewhere deep down, I hurt him bad because I rejected HIM and didn't want to even see him to give him his stuff back or be friends with him on facebook. I would have loved to tell her that her "man" is just using her, which is the complete truth, but what's the use? It's not even like he broke up with me to go out with her. We ALL know the reason he and I "didn't work out." I'm just done with the bullshit. Leave me alone if all you're going to do is brag about your junkie boyfriend.
So... nothing else significant to report. I'm going to do a circle later and I'm going to put what I do in here. Nothing too big, just celebrating the full moon and saying some prayers for the upcoming month. I would just go over to Monique's but my dad was having problems this morning so I know my mom would freak out if I wasn't here to look after him.
Let's see, what do I want for this month?
*I am going to pray for some much needed rain :)
*I am going to say a prayer for your back, maybe send some healing energy over to you
*I am going to pray for my heart to be opened to recieve love, if now is the right time. I feel like it would be a good place to start so when love DOES come around again for me, I will be ready for it. But I'm not pushing for anything to happen. I'm still enjoying the moment of being on my own.
*maybe some healing energies to my parents also, especially when I'm gone from Aug 9th to the 12th.
*send light and love to all of my friends in general :).
The part about love made me a little nervous, but I've made the past 6 months on my own, I can wait longer. Alrighty, I'm gonna do 1 more test, then more nbs until my mom gets home. Then dinner, bath, then circle, read, sleep.
<3,
me
6:27pm
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August 2nd, 2012
9:35pm
Circle for Full Moon:
This is basically just a circle to celebrate the full moon and say what I would like to see happen in the next month (although I've pretty much covered that on the previous page). I'm just going to take you through the steps of what I do.
After turning lights off and finding my quiet space:
1) casting a circle.
I normally just make a circle around my head 3 times and say the following: "I cast a circle thrice about, to keep all negativity out." State the purpose of the circle.
2) Since I am willing to start being more open to love, I am going to use a pink and red candle.
Pink: promotes romance, friendship, standard color for rituals to draw affections; a color of femininity, honor, service; brings friendly, lively conversation to the dinner table.
red: health, passion, love, fertility, strength, courage, willpower increases magnetism in rituals; draws Aries and Scorpio energies.
(Now, normally you're supposed to annoint the candles with mugwart, but I don't have that so I use my tranquility spray).
3) Next, I would call the corners. That's why I put the directions of my room up there so I know for sure which direction I'm pointing at.
North: Hail, Guardian of the watchtower of the North, powers of mother and Earth. I greet you now in perfect love and perfect trust. Changeless power of unending changing, in steadfastness and strength, I bless the elements of the earth, and call upon you to gather here with me.
East: Hail, guardian of the watchtower of the East, Powers of Air and Intuition, I green you now in perfect love and perfect trust. As you carry the seeds of the plants across the land, as you bring the moisture of the storms to the shore, join me in all your gentle and powerful ways. I bless the elements of air and call upon you to gather here with me.
South: hail, guardian of the watchtower of the south, Powers of fire and feeling. I greet you now in perfect love and perfect trust. Flaming one; Apollo, bright warrior, wild courage, Lion-strength, I bless the elements of Fire, and call upon you to gather here with me.
West: Hail, guardian of the watchtower of the west, powers of water and invention. I greet you now in perfect love and perfect trust. Water--soft and yielding, formless and flowing, you are the blood coursing through my veins. I bless the elements of Water and call upon you to gather with me.
4) At circles with Monique, she would do the God/Goddess poems, but I am exhausted so I will write those in here tomorrow for you :).
(and just a little side note, full moons are perfect for: greatly increasing such as healing spells, increase psychic vision, magickal powers, prophetic dreams, fertility rituals).
5) So, now that the circle is cast, I would ask certain gods/goddesses to be in my circle with me. My favorites are:
Gaia
Athena
Diana
Aphrodite
God/Jesus/Holy spirit
Isis
(that's all I can think of now). I also ask Joe to be in the circle with me.
6) Meditation: So... since I am doing this circle to open myself up to love, I am just going to say something like:
"This isn't a love spell. I in no way intend to influence a specific person to fall in love with me. This is to start the process of opening my heart to accept love again, with the knowledge that at the right time and place it will happen. There is one specific boy who is in my heart already, and if there is something there that can turn into something beautiful, I would like to be ready for that. I appreciate all the good things you have shown me about this person already, and I know in my heart that I am in the exact right place where I'm meant to be at this place in time. Thank you."
7)closing the circle:
After meditating, it is always a good idea to close the circle, thanking and releasing the 4 corners and everyone in the circle.
now I'm going to do this! Whee!
And I almost forgot: have some food and water ready as a thank you to the gods/goddesses.
11:15pm
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