11/29/12

11/29/12
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Hola!  What a day!  I am pretty tired.  I really didn’t want to get out of bed today, but I finally did.  I was going to clean and decorate for Christmas then do NB stuff but Brian’s job called me in to do flyers.  They always have me in when I make other plans.  I made plans for Saturday so if they need me, oh well!  One of Brian’s bosses, Ronnie, just bitched so much today.  I don’t know it’s like everyone is angry today lol.  Ronnie, my dad, Stephanie, Brian’s mom--but she always is--just everyone!  Blargh.  But anyway, I didn’t even get to flyer until 2:30 and then I cheated.  I gave some people more than one flyer.  I may get in trouble for that if people complain.  It’s not like I gave them a dozen flyers.  I gave some people like 5 which means they will have a lot of coupons, so I don’t see why they’d complain.  Who knows though.  What are they gonna do, kill me?  no.  Maybe not ask me to do flyers again.  Ok!  I mean yea, it’s nice to have money but whatever!  I mean, I just got started so late and I was not walking around for nothing.  He did overpay me, but you know what?  I didn’t say anything ‘cause I feel like Brian gets screwed a lot and I needed it.  So there. I used most of it for dinner and $5 for parking in Delray but it could be worse.  I could still be a smoker.  *shrugs* I do need to buy gifts but I’m not stressing anymore.  So, all in all, my birthday was alright.  I made a video, and relaxed.  It pisses me off that I spent the first 3 hours of my b-day crying because of Rory.  I try not to let him get to me but he is so hateful and he just doesn’t stop.  Everyone says “fix the problem” and “don’t let him get to you” but they don’t know what my life with him has been like.  First of all--I can’t fix the problem because it’s not my house.  You can tell Rory until you are blue in the face what a piece of junk he is, he will always turn it around.  I’m just tired of it.  So here’s the whole story.  Rory was helping my dad do something on my dad’s truck, I’m not sure what. I’m not sure what happened but they started screaming at each other.  My dad says Rory was high but that’s all I got.  So my dad locks himself in his room and Rory gets even more pissed.  So then he asks if we took the meatloaf out of the oven, I said no.  He goes ape shit.  “between the two of you, neither of you could take the meatloaf out of the oven.”  and just acts like a complete crazy person. I mean, I didn’t even know when it should be removed.  So I decided to leave and that pissed Rory off.  It’s like, ummm I don’t want to be around angry people so yea, I’m gonna go.  I told him that and he basically just told me I was being childish.  He followed me out of the house and started his whole spiel on me walking because I’m fat.  I finally lost it and told him to go kill himself.  He says “why don’t you go kill yourself?”  I said, “because I have a place in this world, you don’t.”  This is very likely the ugliest thing I’ve ever said to Rory, and God forgive me, but I’m not apologizing for it.  Sometimes, I really do wish he would just die because he’s never going to leave, and he’s killing my dad.  He’s 31!  It’s time to grow up.  I just want the negativity he exudes to be gone so yea.  Grow up or just waste yourself because you’re doing nothing constructive for yourself and bringing everyone down with you.  So then he calls me over and over and tells me I should be an adult and talk to him.  Ummm you be an adult and leave me alone for God’s sakes.  I finally answer the phone and very calmly tell him we’ll talk later, I just want to cool down.  And he says, “talk to me now or don’t ever talk to me again.”  Really?  Ok!  I basically laughed at him and said I’d never talk to him again and hung up on him.  Fuck you and your ultimatum.  He kept calling over and over and so I finally decided to make peace because he was driving me nuts.  I told him I only left because I didn’t want to be around fighting.  Damn I’m 29, I’m allowed to leave if I want.  I shouldn’t have to explain myself.  Anyway, so then we were fine, or so I thought.  A couple hours later he texts me this nasty message about how I never do anything to help around the house.  Excuse the fuck out of me?!  4 years!  I have lived with my dad for 4 years and done ALL the cleaning, and you know what?  No, I don’t cook.  But I could.  If Rory didn’t hover in the kitchen and complain about how it’s being done. I mean, his passion is supposed to be cooking but all he does is bitch about it.  He’d rather sit on his ass and drink or do drugs.  He acts like my dad would die of hunger if he didn’t cook and that he does so much around the house just because he does the cooking.  The truth is, my dad is pretty self sufficient.  He cooks or he orders out.  Is it healthy?  No.  But he is 74.  He can do whatever he wants.  Usually, my dad has to resort to yelling and screaming at Rory to do anything else.  I mean, he’s 31, he can’t hold a job (for the record, I realize I’m not one to talk) and even when he does have one, he spends all his money on drugs, alcohol, and tobacco.  Then he steals alcohol from my dad, and pawns his and my stuff for more drugs and alcohol.  Not only that, but he doesn’t pay my dad rent, or Traci child support or my dad’s phone bill!  At least when I have money, I try to give some to my dad.  So yea, he’s a piece of shit and when he started with that text message, I was infuriated.  I basically told him he was not going to ruin my birthday, and that he was mean and horrible.  Like, I don’t even know why he started bitching at me again.  So he tells me birthdays are for kids.  Ok, I will remember that next year when his birthday comes along.  Then he proceeds to tell me I stressed dad out by asking for a $500 laptop.  Ok dickwood--I didn’t ask for a $500 laptop.  I did ask for a laptop and a photographer’s camera but
a) I didn’t expect it
b) I wasn’t expecting a $500 one.  I was content with a pawnshop one!
I lost it though.  Who the fuck is he to say *I’M* stressing dad out when he’s the one who does it?  It makes me feel like when my father does die, everyone is going to blame me.  Rory calls Kimberlee all the time and she never gets anyone else’s side, just Rory.  So who knows what she is being told.  I don’t really care what her and Renee’s opinions are though because it’s not like they ever call or come to visit. They don’t take care of my dad. You know who takes care of my dad?  My dad.  Or me.  So they can all just go fuck right off.  How sad that we’re all so divided.  Then Rory gets started on my “bed wetting boyfriend” and I just wish I had never told anyone that.  It’s not like it happens every night or even every week.  It’s only been like 5 times out of the year that I’ve known him.  If I don’t complain about it, why should anyone else?  It bugged me the first time and that’s it.  That’s because I didn’t know anything about it.  Usually if he has drank a whole lot on an empty stomach--that’s when it happens.  I just don’t think it’s something anyone else needs to worry about, or bring up.  No offense to you--I know you care and I appreciate you.  I’m just tired of it being brought up, or Rory making fun of it.  Anyway, then Traci calls me and says Rory accuses Brian of shooting heroin and all this other crazy stuff.  Like he should kill Toby because my dad says Toby is all he has.  Whatever.  If that’s what makes my dad happy then why be envious of that?  Why deny him that and threaten to take it away?  Then what does my mom do?  Blow it off and make excuses for him.  I don’t have the energy to get started on that.  I love her and I appreciate the kind things she does for me, but I will never understand the pedestal she has her little red king on (that’s what Rory means).


Agenda for tomorrow:
--sweep/mop floors
--clean kitchen table
--clean glass doors
--clean cat boxes
--decorate for Christmas
--NBS
--Party at Skeeters!
Busy day.  I think I’ll set my alarm for 8:30 or 9am and start on it.  For now, I’m going to say goodnight and cuddle with my new soft blanket and my man.  Tomorrow, I will finish telling you about my birthday.

Lymtl!  Moosh!

<3,
me