11:23pm
Hey Chels,
Well, wow I just looked and there are 107 days left of this year. Well, 106 because my anniversary isn't on NYE, it's on NYD. Lol. I thought it was cooler than it turned out to be. Oops. So anyhow, I ended up getting my period so all of this crap might end up being a product of my hormones. I mean, I still think Ryan is a shithead and you deserve better, but all of that was probably a bit dramatic and uncalled for so I'm sorry. I have so many things I wish I could write about but I need to get ready for bed soon, I am waking up early to help my uncle finish painting. I am actually excited because we cleaned up the loft area and I think it would be perfect to sit up there and listen to music and work on NBS. I need to clean up my room again. I still want to be able to finish my notebook projects and get a whole bunch of stuff out of the way and FINALLY get organized. Plus, I'm thinking it will be awesome to see all of my notebooks from start to finish all finished. I need to fix some of them up but of course it will be an ongoing project. It's just that now I will have space to work on stuff that's not my bed.
Le sigh, oh, I started taping all these episodes of Degrassi. I wish I could figure out how to copy stuff from my dvr to my dvd player, that way I could save so much room on my dvr and copy episodes from my favorite shows for free so I don't have to spend all this money I don't have. If I really wanted I'm sure I could figure out Bit Torrent and burn dvds but I dunno, I think that's riskier and don't really feel like doing that.
So, I guess for some reason this period has got me all kinds of nostalgic. Last night before bed I was thinking about Barry and how much we've been through together and how everything started for us. I think it's fun to look back at how everything began. Now when I'm with him I just feel like it's where I'm supposed to be and I still love the way he kisses me. He has really full lips like mine except he's a guy so like everything they of course overshadow mine so it's like his lips completely cover mine. Some people might find that odd or gross but I don't. And he still gives me this look when he kisses me. Not every time and it's much more subtle than in the beginning but it's still there. There will be moments when we're talking or whatever and I'll just look at him and then he kisses me.
Even though we have been through a lot and I'm still unsure about our future, I think if this year has taught me anything it's that if I really take the time to let things happen I will be rewarded beautifully. Barry really is a special guy and I am excited to see where the rest of this year/next year takes us. Given his health gets a lot better and my financial situation gets a shit ton better. I just want to keep seeing things getting better and I don't want us to crap out because there's too much stress. It's funny but after that whole Sarah/Korey situation he hasn't even talked about either. Korey was hellbent on breaking them up and now it's like he doesn't give two shits, which is a lot better than what he was doing before (talking shit about me and forcing Barry to lie about hanging out with me). As soon as he found out about us he invited us over and then I haven't heard anything about him since.
--ugh tired--
12:06am
September 17th, 2011
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