1:18pm
Hey Chels,
I want so badly for our notebooks to be done at the same time but I don't see that happening like at all. I think when I have some $$ though I AM going to send you a book of stamps and money for a flat rate package (I think the nb would fit perfectly in a medium package which I think is $10.60). I don't mind helping out with postage stuff because it's helping me, too.
So, yeah. This psychic stuff is sort of (really) freaking me out. Yesterday I had the feeling of being choked all day and then Barry tells me that his neighbor was choking his wife and she was packing up all her stuff. Apparently they were at Target and they got into a fight and he started choking her! Someone called the police and he told her to keep driving until they got home, which she did. Well, he was on probation and since he didn't stop her from stopping, he got in trouble for that because it violated his probation.
This was all told to me by Barry who heard it from another neighbor. So who knows what all is true. But I dunno man, even that guy's knock makes me jump out of my skin. He is just, he makes such an effort to be polite when I'm around and I just want to say: "the gig is up! I know you beat your wife." So why would he even care about being polite?
Oh, I found out a friend of mine had a miscarriage on July 4th. She already has 3 kids but it's still sad when this sort of thing happens. And I can't even visit her because she lives in London. But I am gonna write her a note.
Omgggg I cannot wait until I have some money! I need invisible tape, glue dots, and jewelry making stuff so I can continue with various projects. Oh and stencils and paint, even though I think I have some. I'm not really sure where it is though.
Alright well, I'm gonna go for now. I love you!
Love,
Rita
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~freewrites~
The Ocean
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Sometimes I wish I had magical powers that would allow me to live in the ocean. The great big world underneath the water is just calling to me, asking me to come home. I have never felt so alive with the sand under my feet, watching the waves crash onto the shore. What if I could be a part of that? I try to envision that I am and that when I float on top of the water, magic hands are holding me up so I won't go under and get saltwater up my nose.
Even the saltwater speaks to me. If I could walk around all day everyday with salt water on my skin, I would be in heaven. Does everyone feel like this? Or do most people never think of the ocean as a religious experience? That thought alone makes my heart hurt.
One day I will find myself at the ocean again, but this time I will become a permanent part of it so I won't ever have to leave.
Questions
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Why is the world fascinated with questions? What's on your mind? What's happening? What's going on? Why did I wake up this morning? What was last night's dream about (and fuck, I can't remember)? Why can't summer last forever? Do you remember that time?? Did he ever love me? What is love? Why can't people see what love is, instead of what it isn't? Does he even miss me? Did I matter to him at all? Do they remember being friends with me or just pretend that that part of their life never existed? Does each person in my life know how grateful I am to them? When will my family stop hounding me to get married and start procreating? How old were you when you had your first kiss? Lost your virginity? How long was your longest relationship ever? Why did it end? Who can answer all of these questions? When is enough enough? And finally, who is gonna get me some damned potato chips?
Poetry
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Poetry takes over my mind. When I feel it coming on I have to shut out all my other senses to make it work, let it flow. I see pictures and words in my head, things I can't believe I would dare write about much less say out loud. But there it is, on the page, staring me in the face as if to say, "oh yeah? Is that all you got for me?"
I used to think that it mattered what I said or how I said it. But there lies the crutial mistake. I didn't fully give my body and mind over to the words. I was still trying to control them. Little did I know, I had to bow down and let the words themselves take over. And that they did, throughout the years I have written what my life has become and for those who dare you can catch a glimpse of my heart. But for those who have been trained to look directly into my soul, you can see so much more than that. Ponds and rivers flowing into deeper waters where only I have swam, trusting the waves not to crush me. I put my body back and fill up my lungs with precious air and let the waves carry me where they may. Once I can feel the sand at my feet and the crashing shore is near, I know I am finished and my world can continue once more.
Friendship
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Love. Laughter. Hugs. Tears. Fighting. Drama. Who else would I go through all this with? Not only are you my friend, you are my family. That time we both lived in Florida, even at the end, will probably go down as the best time of my life. I have never had so much fun going to your house and talking or being out and about having adventures. It means a lot that you stuck around to see how my life turned out.
The funny thing about us is that from the beginning, our birthdays are what bonded us. We were born 1 year, 1 month and 1 day from each other. Little did we know this would also mean that we would have a friendship and bond that people would try to bend and break. Even when it worked, I don't think it really worked. Because when other friendships were over, I knew they were over. When this friendship was over, I felt like a part of me was missing. And that made me angry because you had hurt me so badly so why should I feel like this? Because there was hurt on both sides. But Twitter fixed us!
I see other people now who I have been friends with in the past and sometimes it's like we were never friends. Like the year and a half or four years worth of letters and phone calls didn't mean a thing. But it probably has more to do with them than me. Their adolescence must have been that bad for them to push away anything and everything associated with it. And when I go back I see that I was pushy and insensitive at times when these friends needed me the most. Probably the reason why I don't have a hard time letting people go as other people might is because I can understand that if someone lets me go, I am just not meant to be in their life. But I will always cherish the friendship that I had and do more to appreciate the ones I still have. Because amazingly enough, there are still people out there who WANT to be my friend and are proud to say that. It's those people I care for, pray for, and love more than anything.
<3!
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