Hey Chels,
How are you doing today? I have been so busy that I can't remember the last thing I wrote about. So, today I am sitting on a couch in my friend Monique's house. I think you would like her. I think you would like all my friends if you met them, especially Geoff. I think we are going to save the spiritual awakening thing for another day but do some other stuff today. Right now all we've done is visit, which is fine too.
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7/17/2011
Hey Chels!
Lol right after I finished writing that, Monique came downstairs. We did this meditation thing, went to dinner, then came home and we did this spirit board thing. It was kind of neat to experience. While we were meditating though some really weird stuff happened. For some reason I always feel like I'm getting pushed down in these types of rituals. Not in a bad way just, it's weird to not have 100% control of your body. Of course, with my hands moving on their own for years now, I've already been experiencing this. I felt like someone was inside me. Even walking was kind of weird. It's like being underwater. And I could see myself staring at things and making faces that I knew I wasn't doing. It was all very weird. But I still had my own body and could make my own decisions. I wasn't possessed or anything like that. And next week we are going to do a past life regression and a protection/release ritual for you. I have been trying to do that on my own but I don't think I'm strong enough to do it on my own. So if nothing has changed by next Friday, then we are doing that.
I like Monique, but sometimes she takes forever in doing things. I dunno who has the energy for that, lol. But I guess when ur talking to the gods and goddesses, those things can't be rushed. And besides, it will teach me how to meditate, if I sit still long enough. I like music though, a sound I can concentrate on.
So, my parents know I have a boyfriend. They have now met him. I am relieved but also waiting for the questions to pop up. It's not like I even really intended to hide Barry from my parents. At first, I thought I was moving too fast if it only took 3 weeks for me to be attached again. And we didn't really make things official until March anyhow. But every time I felt like mentioning it, I felt single for as long as I could. In a way, I guess I did stay single for as long as I could. I just didn't know it would be 3 weeks lol. But then again I didn't know that Barry had liked me since the day he met me. So, it worked out for him, too.
Meh, I have no idea why it's so hard for me to actually write in the nb. I'm not saying that I'm never going to again, but this just seems so much easier when all I have to do is lay down. If I write I have to sit up and I can never get comfy. So I'm doing things this way, lol.
So, let's see what else. My dad's b'day was Thursday and we all went to the Kane County Cougars game. I can't believe a foul ball actually landed at my feet. I never have that kind of luck. And there were fireworks at the end. So, I did get to see fireworks with Barry. The funny thing is, when we first got together, I was wondering if he was going to join us this year for my dad's birthday and I was right. The only thing I'm worried about now is my cousin Amy's birthday. She is gonna ask too many questions and be way too curious/judgmental. I think it would be fine if they didn't meet for a while lol.
Alright well I'm gonna talk to you and Danny on Skype. Love you!
Rita
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Hey Chels,
Happy Sunday! It is almost 4pm and I have yet to eat something. I am so uncomfy from this damn medicine. It didn't hurt last night but today my whole area just plain itches. I was going to study but I am gonna wait until I can sit up, which means that actually writing is out of the question as well. But that does leave room for typing on my Ipod, reading, watching tv, and playing brain age 2 on my Nintendo ds. Lol. So it looks like I still have a lot to keep me busy. Right now I'm watching my favorite episode of Supernatural, Live Free or Twi-hard. It's the one where there's a lot of vampires biting girls and there's a whole bunch of Twilight references. And Dean gets bitten by a vamp and Sam just stands there with this smile on his face until after the attack. I think it has something to do with his soul being gone but I also think that it's more than that. I just can't remember. The thing I love about Supernatural and this book I'm reading, The Bitten, are that the vamps are very similar. I know that you couldn't get into the first book of this series, Minion, but omg. This book, the 4th in the series, is the best so far. There is a flux in the system because someone has stolen a mystical key containing the blood of Christ (much like the seals were represented in Supernatural). In the next book, Lilith is introduced. Anyhow, in this one, Damali becomes a vampire herself because she and her vampire boyfriend, Carlos, have finally been able to have sex. In the normal circumstances, his bite wouldn't have been able to do anything but because there was a flux, she turned and not only did she turn, she turned into a master vampire. So when she bit him, he became her, the neteru. I mean, they are still who they were before, but now he has her in him and she has him in her. It's more than just connecting with someone, it's truly finding your match.
The part I'm a little fuzzy on is who actually has the key but right now the team is headed to Australia to do a show (Damali, the neteru, is also a spoken word artist) and they are also going to try and take out the 4 master vampires to find the key.
And the reason why I'm telling you all about this book is because I know you prolly won't read it. So I have no problem explaining this. Hehe. I mean, you could read it if you wanted to after I got done explaining it, but if you never have the time or can't go to the library for a long time, that is fine too. Lol I think I explained that right. I am gonna try and get something to eat, then will write more and hopefully read (want to get as far as I can today).
Love you!
Rita
4:15pm
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6:15pm
Hey lady,
So, most of the shows on my DVR are new shows that I don't want to watch until they're all over. So. I have to decide if I want to stop watching my favorite shows for a while to make room, or watch some new ones now. It's not even like I have all this time in the world to even watch these shows. Lol.
So, I applied for a job at Walgreens. Just figured, what the hell. Couldn't hurt, right? I wish Craigslist wasn't so freaking weird. I just saw an ad for porn. Lol.
So, now you know Danny, but I'm not sure if he told you how he and I met. We met in one of those 18+ cam frog chatrooms when I was dating Ryan. I didn't even know about cam frog until Kristie told me about it this one weekend I went down there to see her in the summer of 2008. I was actually in one of the chats and Brian caught me looking at someone's webcam and we got into a huge fight. He asked if this was punishment for what he did to me (This was like 2 days after our huge fight where I ended up with bruises on me). I think it's funny that I had been doing this kind of thing for a while and this was the only time he ever noticed. It's not that he wasn't good in bed or whatever, it's just that I never quite felt satisfied afterwards, even when things were good. I just had to have an outlet for my "frustrations". Especially near the end. We were only having sex 2 times a month when there was a break in his world of warcraft game. And yet, I'm the one living in a fantasy world. I didn't want to have sex with anyone other than him even though I very well could have. Anyhow, after he caught me and then waited 2 weeks before putting a virus on the computer (it was so stupid. He caught me, then waited till the hurricane to put a virus on the computer so I couldn't use it) so I couldn't go online except at school, which I was graduating from that same week. In all this time also you and I had completely stopped talking and things were heating up between Ryan and me. So, for a long time I didn't want anything to do with cam frog. Until one night I said, "oh the hell with it," and downloaded it onto my laptop. Danny was there in one of the chatrooms I went into and we hit it off right away. He would actually dance for me and there was a certain amount of "fooling around." But he was busy with work so he wasn't always online. But he would come on every once in a while and we would pick up where we left off. The sad thing is, there are things about him that remind me of Ryan. But mainly in his facial expressions. But oh my damn he is fine and actually works out and takes care of himself. Plus, it is so hard for me to believe that he is still single. I know you guys live apart but if you guys were in the same place I know you'd be good together. Hell even now, I know you guys would be good together. Just wish he didn't live so far!! And I wish that Internet relationships were acceptable past high school, lol.
Okay so, you know Livejournal? What am I asking? Of course you do. Lol. Well, I'm in this community called "thequestionclub" and have decided to put in the really good (as in, not stupid) questions as part of discussion in our notebook. So, I will ask the question, then answer it myself, then when you read this you can answer the questions that you want to. The only thing I ask is that you make it more than a single word or sentence answer, at least a paragraph or if you want to, a picture that can describe it better. Here I go!!
1). Would you rather regret having sex with someone or not having sex with someone?
I never thought I would have a problem with this until recently. Well, within the past couple years. When I was with my last boyfriend it was long distance and we had made promises to each other that we wouldn't screw around. Cheating had never been something I would even remotely consider but it shocked me to hear that after 2 months he was already saying that this was the longest he had ever stayed faithful to someone, and who knows is that was even remotely true? I'm not saying that I would have been some big slut, but I felt like there were a couple of guys that I could have had fun with had I not been tied down. Geoff was one of them and Matt was the other one. I don't think it would have been anything other than messing around between Matt and myself because he was so much older and because we were just too different. But I was definitely curious about him. There was Korey too but he kept trying to get me in a 3some with his pregnant exgirlfriend and to me that would just make me feel gross. Not that she was pregnant but because it would just be too freaking weird to be involved with a couple and knowing that neither of them are exactly mentally sound. There was Barry but he was with Sarah at the time and I wasn't hearing from him so much. And with Geoff, we just hung out a lot last summer and maybe there was some flirting. But I'm not sure if I could wrap my head around seeing him naked or having him kiss me and all of that. We've been friends for so long that I'm not even sure how that would work. Let's see, there was Mike also but I think he was still being a jerk to me and he had his chance back in 2008 but he came on way too strong and then expected things to happen in the living room of his parents' house with them upstairs and could come down any second. Yeah I'm sorry but no. I'm not sure if he and I will ever just be buddies and that bums me out because I would love to be his friend. But he only sees me as a piece of ass and frankly that's just not good enough for me.
Anyhow, I have only been with 4 guys. 3 of whom I didn't sleep with until things were serious. And even though I wouldn't take those experiences for granted, I do regret being raped (my first serious boyfriend, Mike), and not being aggressive/physical enough (Brian), and not sticking up for myself and letting shit go that I knew I shouldn't just because he paid my way down (Ryan). So far there is nothing to regret with Barry but only time will tell if things work out or not. Even if they don't I'm probably going to say I will never regret sleeping with him because everything is great in that category and every time I do sleep with him I feel like we get closer together. So even if we are just friends again one day, it won't be because he went psycho on me, it will be because we've moved on or it just didn't work anymore.
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Phew I feel like that was the longest explanation ever. But I sure am having fun writing today. I think I am gonna take another break and start up again later. I love you!!
Rita
7:09pm
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