11:54pm
Hey Chels,
Wow, another typed note. Aren't you lucky? Lol. It is like, 1:30am and I am just now getting to bed so I am too tired to write but I wanted to at least do it this way. Cuz I have way too much information in my head to just sleep right now. The day as a whole turned out to be not what I expected, but just as good. I was told I have a very cool energy, like a cool breeze on a hot day or something. I had no idea energy could be described like that, so it was good for me to hear it. Monique's client, Herb, is a really cool guy. He's a bit older but he is very calm and open to talk about this kind of stuff. I healed him first (or practiced anyway) and it didn't go the way I expected it to. I mean, the energy was just different from the last time I did it, but it was a different kind of circle, also. Last time, my hands felt like they were strong and still but still gentle, this time my whole body felt like it was being moved around. It wasn't bad, but at times I felt like the energy was pulling my body in directions it just couldn't go. Like I wasn't long enough or something. I really enjoyed being able to move around and incorporate some massage into it but it was mostly reiki. So I'm thinking that I am going to take some reiki classes so I can do that professionally. As well as massage. But, baby steps!
So, after I finished up with Herb he left and I did the same thing for Monique. When I had her supine, I noticed some negative energy on her left side, by her shoulder. So I asked what was going on there and she said she had been having some pain there but she didn't know if it was because of the fibromyalgia or what and I said no. I said that I saw something all in black and it looked sort of like the villain in Sleeping Beauty (with the horns and everything) and she said that she and a friend had thought up this negative power-thought into a dragon, or something like that. Like, she has this friend named John whose dad was not a nice guy so I guess they did this power-thought thing to protect him from his dad but it ended up going haywire and John has been trying to get into her energy field and that's what I felt. I felt like whatever it was, was on the periphery trying to get in. So I banished it. I'm not even sure how I know to do all of this stuff but it's mostly just instinct. I guess that's why I never thought I could learn it through books or having someone teach me. But I like Monique and I think we make a really good team. Like, when we are doing a ritual or even talking about things I will get a picture in my mind about something or have some weird sort of flashback or hear a voice in my head. I could do it alone (practice) but it's stronger when I'm around her. I think when I'm ready, I am going to have her as my teacher and actually take classes from her. It will be really cool to see how far I've come in this psychic journey. And you get to come along with me!! So far, no formal classes are being held but we are doing rituals together and I'm just seeing how she does things and learning things about myself. It is really great that I have someone here who I can talk to about this and actually hang out with. I wish that you could be with me when I visit her. Aww let's face it, I wish you could be everywhere with me. Well, in spirit, you are!
Well my dear, it is almost 2am and I'm fucking exhausted so I'm gonna end this note. I love you and of course I will write more when I wake up.
Love,
Rita
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Hey Chels,
Ugh I just woke up. I wish I was still asleep but I had a weird dream. I dreamed I was shopping in all these shops and at first I was alone but then I had Emily with me. Which I was annoyed by because I just wanted to be by myself. But then we were at this one shop that had a stage and people playing and I guess she ditched me to go make out with some guy. So then I bump into this lady who wants to do nothing but sing Beyonce songs to me (more like at me) and I just hum cuz I don't know the words. So she starts naming off songs, then she tried to sing an Alicia Keys song but I say "hey that's Alicia!" And she acts insulted and stops talking to me. So then, I see my boyfriend is making out with some girl, which doesn't really piss me off but then I sort of have this vision (in my dream) of him going up to a room with her and they're still kissing and all over each other. That woke me up. Lol.
I have more to write but this thing is gonna die so I will write later. Love you!
Rita bo Bita
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12:21pm
Hey Chels!
So, it's a little bit later and I am still freaking exhausted. I guess this whole week took more out of me than I realized. I know I'm supposed to write all day so I'm trying to focus my attention on writing instead of all these other things I want/have to do. Like finish this book. I decided I was gonna read 100 pages a day to finish this series and so far I haven't read one page. But I guess after I get done writing and go to the library I am going to read as much as I can this weekend. Oh, I want to find a book on how to publish a book and I want to get started on that poetry book of ours. I also want to find some witchy books and jewelry making just to get some ideas. I can't wait to get my paycheck. I need to pay my phone bill, then pay some of what I owe my doctor, then pay my mom back for everything she got me while I was broke. So far it's $70 plus the clothes from Good Will. I am not sure how much of that I owe, maybe I have the receipt? I dunno.
Anywho, so I never finished my reading from last night. I got the grandmother card and I guess my Gramma Schory talked through Monique and said that she was on my side about the gift and that she would be moving on in 3 years. And I asked what that was supposed to mean and she said she wasn't sure. The only thing I could think of was having a child because there were a lot of fertility cards that came up. So maybe in the next 3 years I'm going to have a baby and his or her spirit will be my grandmother. Kind of like reincarnation? I'm not sure if I believe in that but I do believe spirits can attach themselves and recycle themselves to keep watch over the family. So we will just have to see. There were a lot of cards telling me not to be afraid of my gift, that it's nothing to be ashamed of and that I've always had it. And there have been guides to push me in the right directions of figuring all this out about myself.
Something else that I have deemed it necessary to save for last is something I find more than interesting. Apparently, there were some cards that came up about the "divine rite" which is a sex card. Basically, when you have sex with someone you share a connection with it's like a celebration of the spirit. All of the gods and goddesses rejoice when you have truly found your other half. And you'll know when you have because you will experience the hugest orgasm ever, your whole body will feel like it's awake and you will feel it throughout your whole body. And that's exactly what I wrote to you like the day before. I just think that it's wild that that's exactly how I described it, and that's exactly what it was. I guess that's why I feel more of a connection with Barry than I have with anyone else. And it's not like there have been that many, but it doesn't take a lot to find that right person. It's funny, that same night that I had written all of this stuff in the nb, Barry and I had a talk and I told him like, everything that I had remembered about how we started. I told him that I could tell something was up from when he hugged me because he hugged me once and then pulled me in for another hug. Guys don't do that double hug thing. Ever. Lol. I also said that I could tell from the beginning that he cared about me and that made me feel so safe around him. He said he had thought about starting something up from day 1 but knew that it wasn't the right time. So, we were friends for a while. And to go from being friends to be naked around each other was weird at first. At least for me.
Lol and he also said that his favorite part of that night was the reverse cowgirl because of the view. Guys are just, wow. Don't really know if that's good or not but, I'd still take that over lesbianism lol.
Anyhow, Monique and I decided on making this a weekly thing. So like, every Friday I am going to travel over to Crystal Lake and have and energy day. Next week we are doing a spiritual awakening thing and I am bringing my tarot cards and witchy stuff. Not like I have many crystals but they're all in forms of jewelry so I want to show her what I have. Oh and we made plans to go to Door County next year for the 4th of July. So that will be cool if I can save up enough money. I should do the whole massage thing again but everytime I try to do that, it never ends up happening. So I think I'm just gonna end up hitting my mom up for $10 neck rubs and just save up that way (after I've already paid her back). I wish I could get more people but I dunno, things just always have a way of not happening. I have to stop that.
Okay so I've been procrastinating in telling you about last weekend and you've been kind enough to sit back and be patient with me and read all of this other stuff. Lol. So, Saturday morning (the 2nd), I got my hair ready and left for Barry's place. We had some lunch and then he got ready and I put the sparkly dress on. I didn't realize at the time that the sparkles would go everywhere. I am not going to return the dress, but I'm pretty sure I will be going to Barry's mom's wedding at the end of the summer (even though he hasn't asked me yet) so I need to have a dress that is pretty and summery but that doesn't leave anything behind. I would have gotten another dress if it was in medium. Oh, also when I get paid I am so getting pics developed!
Anyhow, we took his car to get there and oh my word it was hot. I even started stinking but I made it to the wedding with minimal problems, besides sparkles everywhere. The wedding itself was so nice. It was in this teeny tiny church in the middle of a cornfield and the bride looked like she was about to fall over because she was so happy. And the sweet thing is that Barry had his arm around me the whole time. I dunno, he just had certain ways to make me feel really special. Like just little things like kissing my hand in the car or trying to make me laugh for no reason.
The reception was fun but there were a lot of times when nobody was talking. But I had fun taking pictures of everything. I took a lot of the bride dancing with her dad, her mom, and then finally her man. Barry and I didn't dance but I was okay with that. There was lots of food and cake and champaign going around. I actually had 3 glasses which is a lot for me. We headed for home around sunset and the fireflies were out shining their lights like crazy. I tried taking a picture of it but you can't see much.
After we got home we took the dog for a walk in the park and then went to sleep (after a while). I had to get up early because I had to get to Alex's at 10:30am. I got up and left around 9am and Barry was blabbering something like "it's not okay," I think he meant that I was leaving or something lol. But I just gave him some kisses and left anyway. Well, even though there was a mishap at the gas station (the credit card machine was down so the guy couldn't take my cash for gas. It was stupid and I had to drive around to find another one), I got there on time.
--taking a break--
5:13pm
Hey lady!
Wow, I just got off the phone with you (mainly because my phone died) and just wow: the thing I really don't get about Erica is that she never says what is on her mind. And I'm sorry but I highly doubt that she and Rich are going to get married. And I don't even think you are the one to determine that. I can just tell, I mean she is so indecisive and he is just a cheater, apparently. So who knows if this has been going on the whole time or what. I'm sorry that the sex wasn't even good, that is kind of disappointing. Or it might have just been because you weren't into it because he wasn't Robert. I dunno. But if he doesn't leave you alone, I'm gonna have to have a talk with him and I really don't want to do that. I still blame him more than you because flirting is one thing but taking it to that level is just plain wrong. Especially when you have a girlfriend!!! Sheesh.
I think tonight I'm gonna try some meditations and protect you from whatever the fuck is going on and let the truth of what is going on be known. I hope that works. Even if whatever happens isn't exactly positive, at least you know what's going on and I want to send you protection from whoever might be doing you harm. I did the same for myself and so far I think it's worked.
Alright, I'm gonna eat and write later. Love!
Rita Bo Bita
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Hey again!
Wow this letter is getting long, lol. So, let's see. I left off on Sunday, July 3rd. So, my nephew's birthday party was fun except Katie was sick. I think she had what I had a couple months ago. Except she got it in the summer. Omg I would die if I had what I had in this heat. As it is I still have those lumps in the back of my throat. Ugh. Anyhow, after that party I went straight over to Geoff's house for his party. It was not as fun as the year before. I mainly swam with the kids and talked to the grownups. I think Geoff was the way he was because he had to run around and make all the food and basically run around everywhere. But the people I went to high school with were so very self-involved and I only got conversations out of them after asking them questions. But they didn't seem interested in asking about me like at all. So, I decided to find Geoff after a while but there was this girl sitting next to him and their chairs were pointed like directly at each other and they were as close as could be without touching. See, what I was talking about with last year and how it was different is this: yeah I had a boyfriend but Geoff and I were way closer. Like, during the whole party we were inseparable and we always found a way to touch each other. But moreso, I wanted that attention. Like I wanted to show everyone that we were this close but "just friends". I dunno, it's funny. I think Geoff and I might have been companions in another life or something. But this year it was like, there was another girl so he didn't want to have anything to do with me while she was there. When he went to go give his friend Ben a tour of the house, I just left. It probably would have been interesting if I stayed a while longer, but I just wasn't having it. I needed to go home.
So, later that night I get a text from Geoff telling me that I had left early and I didn't say goodbye. I said I was just really tired and he wasn't around. Then he started talking about skinny dipping. You know, I wouldn't mind skinny dipping as long as it's dark and no parts really get seen. But he (and my boyfriend of course) would be the only guys I would ever do that with. I dunno why it would be okay for me to go skinny dipping with Geoff but I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with him. Lmao.
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11:27pm
Hey Chels,
So, you are at your karaoke contest thing and I wish I could be there with you instead of stuck here in Chicago. No matter what the outcome, I know that you did your best and you deserve to win. You are an awesome singer!! I can't wait to hear the details of your night. Especially since Rich and Erica will be there. That's just yikes. I still can't get over what you told me. I just can't believe you went all the way with him and that he actually planned on it happening again. That shit is crazy and if I were there, I would try and do something about it. I would see if he would hit on me or something then turn it all on me so you wouldn't have any of the blame. I can't be a slut to Erica, she doesn't know me. And I would do that for you. Not actually go through with doing anything with him, just see if he would. And then tell Erica and put it in her ear what a loser he is and maybe she'll be mad at me and still go out with him but at least the idea would still be out there.
Ugh. I want to do that protection ritual for you but I have to wait because my parents are still up and I need complete quiet so that I can fully concentrate and not be distracted.
So, I was in the bathtub and got this brilliant upon brilliant idea. I am going to write our story. Not sure of all the details and I already have a notebook that I made with our story in it but that one was made while I was completely pissed at you so I'm sure there are things I didn't hold back on. I just think it would be fun to take a look back and see how far we've come as friends. But, I have to finish my 4th of July story.
What I really wanted was to spend the 4th of July with Barry. I haven't spent a 4th of July with a boyfriend since Brian. And that was in 2006. That was the only 4th of July when we went to go see fireworks and I thought for sure he was gonna ask me to marry him but he didn't until the next month.
Anyhow, Barry never mentioned what he was up to for the 4th or anything so I didn't really have any plans. Geoff had told me the night before that he was gonna call me the next day to see if I wanted to hang out. He ended up texting me instead and asking me if I wanted to go swimming. I said yes and came over around 1pm like he asked. Well, I ended up spending the whole day with him and his parents and their old neighbor and we had a bbq. My mom and I had made plans to see fireworks and I asked Geoff if he wanted to see them and he said sure but then my dad got sick so my mom didn't want to leave him alone. So we ended up going by ourselves. At first we were sitting in this park area and when the fireworks started we couldn't see them so we walked to the other side of the building and sat down right in the middle of the sidewalk and just watched the show. I took pictures, of course. Afterwards we went back to his house and we went swimming again. After a while we went in the hot tub (that wasn't hot) and he actually took off his bathing suit. I guess he just wanted to be free. Lol. He asked if it made me uncomfortable and I said no, I was just cold and he was like, "I am warm over here." lol. Or something to that effect, or it's warm over here or something. I turned him down of course but not because he was naked. I really didn't care at all I mean it's not like I could see anything so it was okay. The funny thing is, we spent the whole day together and he never asked if I had a boyfriend or anything. I never brought Barry up but he didn't ask. And then later when the bullfrogs were freaking me out he was like, "it's not so scary over here." lol. See that's why I don't get what was going on with him and that girl, he was flirting with me like big time. And even if I could have done something about it, he is still going back to school and it will be a while before I see him again.
So, that pretty much concludes my weekend. You already know what happened after that and a whole lot of other stuff. So I'm going to mail this to myself so I can print it out.
Love you!
Rita
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Hey Chelsea!
So, at this moment in time I am laying in my boyfriend's bed listening to him sleep. He put on The Hangover and started snoring immediately. But I shouldn't complain, we have been having relations on and off pretty much the whole time since I've been here so I am pretty sure he is exhausted. I am too but I wanted to write. I am so inspired by how much you've written in the past few days, I have a feeling I need to catch up big time. So, this weekend was so much more uneventful than last weekend but it was still good. I wrote a lot yesterday and went to library. I have started reading those vampire huntress novels again and I'm actually doing really well with keeping up. I am still gonna do the book club thing with those books once I'm done with them. There are questions to answer in the back. Yay!
So, I hope I can sleep tonight. That air conditioning is so loud. I am really glad I have earplugs but I dunno if those will be enough. Ugh. I'm gonna take two Melatonins before I sleep so I hope that helps.
I am just blown away with how much you've written! I can't wait to read the nb. I still haven't finished the last one because I wanted to get this one first before I finished it and I think that I'm still gonna wait. But when I get the new nb I am going to go to my favorite Starbucks and just get one of those huge coffees and read everything. I cannot wait for that day. I know there has been a lot going on with you and there's a lot that you have to catch up on so, I can't wait to finally read everything!! It looks so exciting, too. I think for the next nb I am going to get a full 5 subject notebook again. Either that or I want to try and find different journals to write in. I dunno. I guess it depends on what I can find and what I like.
I hope this week will be a lot less crazy than last week. I really need to start studying again. Awwww. Killer is laying beside me and he just moved in for a closer snuggle. I love this dog so much, even if he does bruise me sometimes. Tonight was crazy. I guess Sarah got her panties in a wad because it took Barry 45 minutes to answer his phone (cuz duh he was with me!!) and then she was upset because I didn't want to meet her. It's not like I never want to meet her, but I just wasn't prepared for it. I have a huge zit on my face and I look kinda scruffy, if I'm gonna meet her I'm not gonna look like hell. I can't believe that I even worry about these things, it sounds so superficial, but I just want to leave a good impression and also kind of make the impression that "this is who he chose after you and this is what you gave up. We're happy and I let him call me his girlfriend so haha on you". It sounds kinda stupid but, if I'm gonna meet her, I don't want to do it half assed.
Ugh. Got ready for bed and I had problems shutting the computer off. It just didn't want to turn off. But I finally figured it out. The earplugs are helping with the noise a little. I wish I could listen to music to fall asleep but that hasn't worked since I was in high school.
Aww my baby is zonked. And Killer has now taken his spot on the floor. I feel so alone lol. Well, not really, because I'm still at my man's house. But alone as in the only one still awake.
Last night I was thinking about Ryan. Not in a good way but not really in a bad way, either. I could remember things about him, like the way he kissed me, but I couldn't remember anything beyond that. There have been some times when the sex was great and I will remember it, but for the most part I can't remember anything. There was this one time that I will tell you about because it was probably my favorite time and that's why I remember it. We were on the loveseat watching 50 First Dates and we started having sex. We were doing it doggy style and he just sat down and I crossed my legs like I was sitting Indian style. We have never been able to create anything like it again and it will probably stand out as the best time. Or maybe it was the last time we had sex. It was just really sweet and ended so nicely. I think we both knew that that was goodbye. That trip was so awful. The things I remember most from that trip were crying and texting you and just wishing I could take off and have someone else drop me off at the airport. Cuz I was seriously fed up by then. I guess that's why I don't remember anything, because I don't want to. I do remember Ryan saying I was the best he'd ever had and tasted so I guess that's something he has to live with knowing what he gave up. Sometimes I wonder what might have happened had I not cared so much about our relationship. By the time I met Barry, things were already starting to unravel between Ryan and I. Ugh, I wish I could write more but I have to pass out for now. Well, attempt to anyway. If I can't sleep I will definitely be back. Love you!
Rita
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11:54am
Hey Chels,
Well it took forever to get to sleep but I eventually got there and had some weird dreams. I don't really remember them other than the fact that I was having dinner with my friend Marco who was dressed in a suit and it looked like everyone was there for a special occasion but I'm not sure what.
Omg so sleepy!!!!!! And my mom informed me that my turtle is out of food. I have known this for a couple days but don't have the money to get him any and don't want to ask her for anything. So I've been feeding him shrimp. I hope I get paid soon because this shit is ridiculous.
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