3:03pm
I am so fucking mad right now. I'm pissed because last night Barry's neighbor was on drugs and Barry was trying to get him to go inside so the cops wouldn't arrest him, but I didn't want him to go anywhere because I was too comfy and didn't want him to get up. So today he's copping this fucking stupid ass attitude with me because I asked him why he always helps people. 1) I don't remember asking him this 2) even if I did, I wouldn't ask him in accusing sort of way, just a general asking.
But he needs to take care of himself once in a while also. I sent him this text saying that I wasn't opposed to him helping other people, but who is taking care of him? I would but he never tells me what he needs. And how is it helping if he is enabling that person to stay the same? I told him that if he really wanted to help that guy out, he should give him the number for a rehab center. And then I shut my phone off. It's not even so much that I'm mad at HIM. I'm more mad at the fact that he has been running himself ragged and I get attitude from him for a question I don't even remember asking. So you know what? He can go fuck off today because I'm not fighting with him over text message and he doesn't need the added stress. I also hate that I am starting to feel a little guilty today because I had to leave. But he is gonna do whatever he's gonna do and maybe we will work it out. I just don't want to say anything I'll regret right now.
In a way I'm glad to be busy this weekend.
3:16pm
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5:08pm
So, a little update I guess. Barry was copping an attitude because I didn't help HIM before I left. That made me feel really bad. I thought about turning the AC on but I didn't and I still have no idea why he didn't do it himself when he was up. So we had a long talk and I guess things are better. There was just miscommunications on both ends. I guess when he was talking about people not helping people, he was talking about me not helping him which I thought was really mean because I would have. And then he?'s like, "remember that time I was at Korey's and you picked me up?" I said "yes" and he said that meant a lot to him. I said, "now that makes me feel even worse," and he said, "why? I'm telling you I appreciated something you did." And I said, "because I didn't take care of you this time and it's not like I don't care about you. I just didn't know how bad it was. Now not only did I leave you when you needed me, you're going to remember that I left you and not trust me to know when you need to be taken care of anymore." And then he said, "I'm the guy it's not right for me to be the one who needs to be taken care of, it just meant a lot that I did and you did anyway but I shouldn't need it." I said, "you're not just a guy, you're my guy and we take care of each other." I haven't gotten a response yet but when/if I do and it's worth mentioning, I will put it in here.
Now I can picture myself turning the AC on and making sure he drank something before I left and it is making me feel like an idiot for not doing it because I am usually on top of things. But it might be the fact that he turned this all around and made me feel bad that I'm not liking so much, either. So, hopefully I'm allowed one mistake and we can just move on from this and I will know better for next time. But he still didn't have to be an asshole. I get that he had a billion things wrong with him but he should have put the AC on himself and got something to drink himself if he was really feeling that badly. Because really, how the fuck am I supposed to know the severity of the situation if he didn't tell me: "please get me water so I don't end up croaking over here." At least when he was drunk and upset I was over there in a heartbeat because it was different.
But, okay. It's over and done with and I can't go back and change the past. I can just say I'm sorry and hopefully we can move on. People screw up all the time but I feel like we were both in the wrong and he should have either turned on the AC himself or ask me to do it. I asked if he wanted me to put the AC on and he said it was cool outside. So, I didn't know what sort of answer that was. I just hope that one day he will apologize to me for making me feel bad. Thing is, if I didn't have to get my timesheets I would have stayed. I had planned on coming back after I got that taken care of. The stupid thing is that they only give us 4 timesheets at a time. I am going to be busy tomorrow so I needed to pick them up today so my dad could sign one and I could drop it off tomorrow on my way to Monique's house. Well, their office closes around 4:30pm so I wanted to make sure that he was awake so he could call them so I could pick the timesheets up. And luckily when I got home my dad was awake so all of that could be accomplished. And I was thinking that I would come back after all that was done and check on Barry but then he ended up pissing me off, not to mention I had also not gotten much sleep so that could have been why I wasn't on my game.
Ugh, Sarah is pissing me off! The past few days she's been putting up Bible verses and every time I tell her to take a break and enjoy life she has to jump down my throat. Okay, if God didn't want us here, why are we here then? And how is the world divided into those who believe (who shouldn't be here), and those who don't (that should)? See why I'm confused? And she keeps talking about having to be perfect and beating herself up over sins she's committed and I just want to tell her to shut the fuck up already! People drive themselves crazy over these things, but she does not need to be stressing out over the same things over and over again. But if she's going to, I need to put her ass on mute for a while because it's driving me nuts.
Ugh, today is just an overall shitty day. First with Barry and now this. And to top it off, I did not get your letter in the mail yet, or my paycheck. So I'm gonna wait until the mail comes to see if I will be going anywhere tomorrow. If I don't get my paycheck that means no gas, no food. I know Monique would pay for my gas, but I'm not making her pay for everything. I already told Barry that I'm gonna be busy this weekend but if I don't get my paycheck then I'm not going to Crystal Lake so maybe we could hang out again? I'm not holding my breath, but I feel like we both need to make up for the craziness that was last night/this afternoon.
Barry has been so exhausted that I've caught him falling asleep (or at least dozing off) when we have sex. {it's called being on heroin and not telling me. Oops} It happened Sunday night and last night. I would give him something but how embarrassing would it be to have someone fall asleep on you when that is happening? Yeah no sorry, lol. So, my aunt is single once again. This guy she was seeing (they went on one date) kept emailing her afterwards about how he got an erection when they kissed and how he likes to talk on the phone to women while touching himself. I'm sorry but ew.
5:58pm
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