3:19pm
Hey Chels,
Ugh today is such a craptastical day. I think you fell asleep cuz I have been trying to tell you that I'm home and you haven't answered yet. So we can have our writing party. I was just imagining us both online or whatever, writing and then taking breaks every once in a while. So, I'm sure there is a story here that needs to be finished.
Anyhow, so Sunday I went to my meetup. I didn't really know where I was going, turns out I was at the right place but I wasn't sure because the directions I had said it would be on the left and the only park I could find was on the right. I ended up all the way by the high school in the complete opposite direction. So, I called Monique and followed her to the place. The only other person there was this guy named Herb, one of her clients. So, we all sat around and talked for a bit and then she pulled out the tarot cards. You know, I almost wish I had worked harder to get that psychic job back in November. I didn't work that hard because of Ryan. So, I could have that source of income and I blew it. Stupid. Anyhow, she did a reading for me which I thought was pretty cool. It said that I need to learn to love myself more and get more help from others so they know what I expect from them. And when she did (read) my palm, she said I would have 2 children, a boy and a girl, and they are both going to be witches. I am scared that they will go through life like I did -- the constant nightmares and the feeling of always feeling different and misunderstood. If my kids have these abilities, I want to educate them at least so they will have a better understanding of what they're going through. I never want them to be afraid to go to sleep or made fun of because of their sensitivities. A lot of it comes from parents so by the time they're 9-10, the innocent is beaten out of them. Not physically, more like making them [the kids] feel stupid or that they're crazy or telling them that all that psychic/spiritual stuff is a bunch of garbage. My kids will be educated and hopefully will tell me if anything is wrong or if something happened. I do understand that children have a very huge imagination and I want them to know what is real and what isn't.
The most important thing, though, in all of this, is that she said I would have kids. Which means I am able to get pregnant. Yay!
The tarot reading also said I'm supposed to take a chance on someone, maybe that means I'm supposed to tell my family that I'm dating someone. Telling family seems to make things a little more real, I think. I want to wait until at least June to tell my parents that I want to start dating again and then introduce them to Barry. I have always been private about my love life, I feel like if my parents know everything then it's just too much. They wanna know everything and it's annoying to me. It's not that I think they will be judgmental, but more like judge me for jumping into another relationship after I made such a huge deal out of staying single for as long as I could. When I said that, I wasn't expecting Barry to come out of wherever he was hiding and that I'd actually be in a romantic relationship with him. Not 3 weeks after Ryan broke my heart. I thought we'd hang out more and at least be cuddle partners. As soon as he kissed me, everything changed. And things REALLY changed after he told me he had liked me pretty much the whole time. It took me a while to figure out my feelings, he had been giving me mixed signals for so long that I had no idea how he really felt. But for once I was just going to enjoy myself until it came time to talk about it. Which eventually happened and here we are. All I want to tell my parents is that I want to try dating again and I have this friend who has shown interest in me and I'm ready to see where it goes. We are already taking things slowly so it's not like we're dating one day and the next we're ready to get married or anything. THAT'S just crazy.
Haha I just now heard from you -- I KNEW you fell asleep. I cannot wait until this period is OVER! The bleeding has almost completely stopped, but I'm still all crampy and sore.
I cannot WAIT until I see you. Although I know it's gonna make some people mad because I told them I couldn't afford it, which is true. It's gonna be $432.00 for the plane ticket I want and that's just to get there. If I want to actually have a worthwhile vacation in both Washington AND Cali, I need to save up at least $1500. Hopefully my next income tax check won't get stolen from me so I can finally go on my trip. But the trip with you will be much shorter and I'm only going to one place so of course it's gonna be that much cheaper. So, I guess I will either use a paycheck to pay for my ticket and use the other money I've been saving up for spending money or the other way around. I'm just so excited! Since Ryan and I broke up and I've been home, yeah I've been able to have more of a life here, but I still miss Florida. I miss the warm air, the palm trees, the beach, could also be why it was so hard to break up with him. But those trips weren't any fun. I mean, they used to be. When I could enjoy both Ryan AND my relationship with Florida, I was in heaven. But after a while I felt like I was trapped and the only time I was happy was when I was away from Ryan and away from the apartment. My last beach day was my favorite day ever. Ack! I'm frozen! I hate that it's cold and raining out. Go away, rain! Or at least be warm. I'm gonna start getting ready.
5:34pm
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