12:40am
Hey Chels--
Well, since I told you about what's going on with Barry, I really just need to say what I'm feeling right now. Barry is an amazing person, at least to me. Like every situation life throws at him doesn't make him lose hope, I can tell things are sort of intense right now but generally he takes everything in stride and I really admire that. I dunno if this disease he has is going to kill him but that kidney failure thing scared me. I guess when he was in high school he had some behavioral problems so the dr he saw put him on these antidepressants, which gave him this autoimmune disease, poly. That is a joint disorder, basically causes your joints to stop working after a while. I think it's acting up the way it is because ever since he moved into that apartment he's been working nonstop. I read that a good way to treat the disease is to rest when you're tired because the joints will recuperate faster if you give yourself time to heal.
He hasn't been able to smoke any pot because of the probation which makes the whole thing worse. I don't usually condone pot smoking but this actually has medicinal purposes. I have no idea how long a person can live like this, but I don't like the fact that his kidneys are failing already. That really scares me. I know we've only been together for at least 4 months. But he's been in my life for over a year and I don't want him to go anywhere. I'm not saying he's the One or anything, but I want there to be time to figure that out. He had just been saying to me, "what if we had a kid someday?" The lady who read my palm on Sunday said I would have 2 kids, a boy and a girl. What if Barry is supposed to be their daddy?
I know I'm thinking way too freaking far into the future, but how much of a future is he going to have? I'm not gonna obsess about this but I know I should pray for him and hopefully that will make me feel better.
Dear God,
Please please please be with Barry in these next few weeks. First, I pray that whenever his dad has surgery, that they are able to get all of the cancer out and that he will be safe during surgery. I'm not sure what you have in store for Barry's father, Jim, but I'm trusting that things will go according to your plan. Please also just be with Barry. His health is not doing too well and he needs a break from his work so that he can just rest and his body can recuperate from constantly being on the go for the past few months. Also, I am really scared to hear about his kidneys. I dunno how bad that is but any kidney failure does not sound good. I have no idea what your plan is for Barry and me, if we're supposed to go the distance or just be friends or whatever, but I'm not going to know if you take him away from me before I get a chance to find out. And I really want to find out. I'm not asking you to fix what can't be fixed. I'm just asking for enough time to figure out what this person is supposed to mean to me. I don't want our whole relationship to be based on me being scared to leave because of his illness, if we're gonna work or not work I want it to be for something more valid than that. But for the more immediate future I just pray that something can be done to relieve some of this pain that he's in right now. His body needs rest and lots of it. Help him get that rest, please!
In Jesus' name,
Amen
1:31am
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