6:34pm
Ugh I need at least one of my paychecks to get here soon so I can pay my freaking bills already.
So, how are you doing? My mom found my social security card which I am so happy about. Wow, this whole weekend was just... eventful. I am so tired and my head is killing me but I don't want to go to sleep. I will write more later but just wanted to write a lil bit. I am trying to watch some TV now so during the week I can read. That's usually how it works around here. Only problem is, I GOT to get rid of some of this stuff, lol.
Love you!
Rita
6:47pm
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11:37pm
Hey Chels,
Well, I figured out why I was so dang exhausted today. My period is here! Yay! Not. Ugh. I keep feeling like I have this urgency to write, but I'm so unfocused right now.
I had fun at that meetup today. I think this was a good move for me, to meet new people and learn more about myself and my abilities. I know I am great at reading people, listening and trusting myself, and healing (hence the massage therapy). This thought just popped into my head -- why don't I use these 3 months I have off to get back into some intense studying? I dunno, just a thought. Anyhow, I feel like I could be capable of so many more things, but I'm still afraid of all the possibilities. Basically, there is a lot of responsibility that comes with knowing what you're capable of. I know there are places in my mind that are blocked off because of things that have happened to me maybe in this life, maybe in another one, and I feel like my energy would be a lot more chaotic if I opened those doors.
Like I would know TOO much about someone, like I would let too much in. I dunno what you must think of all of this. I don't want you to think I'm going crazy or that I plan on joining a cult or something. Believe me -- if this group invited me to drink the koolaid I totally wouldn't.
I've known I was different my whole life. I was aware of things that most other people weren't and I think that is what made them all react the way they all have (the people in my life who treated me like crap.) Especially when I was little I could see too much. You know that everyone is psychic as a child, but as time goes on the children grow up and that part of them is gone? I never gave that up. I believe that when my gramma Schory died, she passed it along to me so that I wouldn't lose it.
When I was a teenager, I had these friends Jenne and Danielle. They were psychic, but they never wanted to believe that I was, too. Even when the evidence was right smack in their faces. They just didn't want to believe that someone else had abilities.
I always saw people's auras. I started noticing that I could see them if I stared for a long time. There was also a point when I would feel dissociated from my body. I've actually blacked out and walked onto traffic on more than one occasion. I don't think I could black out again, though. Not would I want to try it on purpose.
I would like to see what I can do with my hands, though. It's weird, and I feel this mostly when I'm massaging someone, it's like I feel as if my hands are being pulled in a certain direction and I can feel it but I can't control how my body moves. I sort of blank and just go where I'm being pulled. This has an effectiveness rate of 95%, depending on how receptive the person is to my technique. But I definitely feel the power in my hands, they get really hot and sweaty. I want to be able to touch something and tune into it right away. I don't want that wall to be up anymore. I feel like that's where I have the most trouble. The more in tune to something I feel, the more I can see, but this only works on people I know. I want to break that wall down and see whatever I need to without that panicky feeling I get. I feel like that could help me in so many ways. Also, I want to be able to control my dreams more. I want to be able to send messages, get answers, and visit people while I'm dreaming. Or let people visit me. Also, I want to get back into reading people's auras. It has been years since I've been able to do that. Oh, and I want to learn more about rituals. I have never called a corner, been in a circle, or participated in any proper ritual. Except that one time at your apartment.
Ooh, in a completely different subject but I still want to share this before I go to sleep -- proof that Barry is completely adorable. I went to visit him last night and after we finished... doing stuff... eventually he fell asleep. Well, I would have stayed over but I didn't have any of my stuff with me and I had to leave at a certain time so I decided, "okay, now I'm going to go home." Well, I reach for my clothes and Killer starts snuggling with me. He does this thing where he puts his head on my stomach and then just sort of flops onto me. Well, enough of this and I start putting my clothes on. I finish putting my top on when Barry stretches in his sleep and puts his arm around me. I go to kiss him to tell him I'm gonna go and he says "okay" but then wraps both arms around me and gives me a bunch of tiny kisses. So I lay there for a bit and then give him a kiss again and I bet he doesn't even realize this but he would open his eyes, give me a bunch of kisses, then go back to sleep. And I'm sure he was asleep this whole time he was kissing me. It was so cute!
<3,
Me
April 18th
12:38am
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