12:47pm
Hey Sweets!
Wow, I am definitely making a dent in this book. I know you're not proud of your nb but I will read it and if I have a question about something (like if you never finished a story) I will ask you what you meant or whatever and you can tell me in the next one. I am actually excited for my next nb attempt, I want either a photojournal theme or newsletter. I haven't decided yet. I think I'm gonna go with newsletter or photojournal so maybe I will need a sketchbook so my art won't bleed through as easily. If I get a big one I can put lots of things on one page so I can put an entire entry on one page, oooh I like that idea! But I want to go through all our old entries and poems and see if there is anything worth using first. I am hoping this will keep me busy enough during the winter months so I don't have to shoot anyone from having to stay inside and be subjected to gross disgusting weather lol.
So, let's see here. I left off on Tuesday so, Wednesday. Ugh. I had sort of a breakdown. I tried keeping myself busy but ultimately I ended up driving myself crazy. I had convinced myself that Barry was okay with not seeing me and that somehow meant that we were slipping away from each other. I think because that's what started happening with Ryan, just heard from each other less and less. But, I knew it was a crazy thought. He had a lot of things going on -- like having to rest because of his health issues + being stressed about his dad having to go back to the hospital + work + just a lot of shit. I thought that if I was okay with not hearing from him as much it meant that I was letting him go. So I freaked out and just starting crying and then I realized it's just because I miss him so much. So I gave myself permission to turn my phone off and not worry about the situation for a night. I had dinner with my parents and then went for a drive and listened to Twilight (book on cd). And I was proud of myself. I managed to talk myself down from a freak out, clear my head, and leave my phone turned off for the entire evening. And the next day I told Barry about what happened. I told him that I didn't want him to feel bad or guilty and there's nothing he can do about the situation, it just is what it is. I think he was just stunned that I figured out how to calm myself down. He said he was okay with things he can't change because he has to be, doesn't mean he's happy about it. I said I know, there is a difference between being okay with something because you have to be and because you want to be. I managed to calm myself down because I knew it was the first one.
Man, I feel like I want to get started on my next nb right now instead of wait until I'm done with this. I think I know what I'm gonna do. I am going to start to start going through all my poetry books and see what I can photocopy. Maybe not photocopy but just use, I dunno. I think I have some stuff to figure out and things to practice before I do anything though.
Love,
Me
1:44pm
*left off on Thursday -- Sunday*
No comments:
Post a Comment