10:59pm
Ugh. I made a makeup drawing but not sure if it's good. I might add stuff to it though. I just don't like how dark it ended up. Anywho -- it's been a while since I've written in here.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sept 26th, 2011
4:10pm
Hey Chels,
I hope you are doing okay over there. I am giving you some time to yourself because if I text you everyday you have to keep checking your phone and I know why you are trying to keep away from it right now. I promise you I'm not mad at you or trying to avoid you or whatever. I still love you!
So anywho, I hope you had a good weekend. I actually have a lot to catch up on. Let's see where I left off. Okay so, Wednesday (sept 21st) was Cory's b?day. I really don't know what happened to him. The last I heard from him (or really talked to him) was that one week he was around and then he disappeared so I didn't get a chance to wish him a happy b'day last year, either. If I had known that was going to be the last time I was going to hear from him, I would have taken that phone call. I keep checking back onto his FB and apparently I'm not the only one who has this problem of not being able to find him.
So, Tuesday (the 20th), I was supposed to see Barry but he was too tired for company. Ok fine. So, he promised that we would see each other on Wednesday, which actually happened. It was the first time since my parents' wedding anniversary that I got to see him. Only thing was, I failed to mention that his cousin was staying there. It was kind of nuts -- I left the house after my dad leaves to take the dog for a walk and then I think "oh crap -- I really want my jammies." So I go back and grab them and make sure the door is locked (even though I left the keys on the screen handle, duh really smart of me lol). Then I get there and Chris answers the door. At first I didn't know if Barry was there or not but he was just in the kitchen. So after a while Chris leaves and Barry and I snuggle for a bit. We decide to watch a movie called "Stripes" which is a Bill Murray movie. We decided on that one for two reason, 1) it was Bill Murray's b?day, and 2) we both had never seen it before. Then we watched something called "The Science of Evil," which prompted him to ask me if I had ever seen the "Shawshank Redemption," which is one of his favorite movies. I said that I hadn't seen it and so we started watching that one when Chris came back. He started watching it with us until he fell asleep and after a while Barry and I started messing around. I wasn't quite sure what was going to happen because neither of us said anything about going into the bathroom and I had no idea if Chris was a light sleeper. So we just decided to go ahead and every once in a while Chris would flip over and I would freeze because who knew when he would wake up? Turns out I didn't have to worry so much because when I was looking for a condom I accidentally dropped Chris's phone and he didn't even flinch. But we were still quiet as church mice anyways. I thought it was nice because we had to be quiet and there was a lot of touching. Sometimes it's more chaotic and certain things get overlooked. He has been in so much pain lately that we haven't been together as much as we used to be, but I can tell when he's feeling better because he will be more attentive. The sex is never downright bad but sometimes I feel like it's a bit rushed. I know if he were feeling 100x better than he has lately that would be a completely different story. I know that I haven't had the "old" Barry for very long before things started going all kinds of crazy, but I still feel incredibly blessed to have what I do have. In the morning, even though I had plans to see Monique, I felt like I didn't want to leave him. And I notice that this has been happening to me a lot lately. We will see each other as much as we can but sometimes it's not more than once a week. I'm not sure if it's because of that or being in love with him but I always have trouble leaving him and then for the rest of the day I miss him so fucking much. It goes away after a couple of days but that first day after seeing him is so hard for me. I never thought I would feel this strongly about someone, especially not since my last two train wrecks of relationships. I just feel so different in this relationship, more secure and confident than I've ever been. I think that's what makes it worth sticking with him through all of this shit going on. I feel like I am supposed to be with him because he needs someone in his life, a partner, he can truly rely on. I doubt that he would be able to deal with any of this if he were still with his ex. I feel like no matter what happens if we stick together it will only get better from here.
So, I went to Monique's on Thursday. I went to the Animal Shelter first but they were still closed so I just went over there. We had so much fun! We got caught up on stuff and went shopping at this place called Styx and Stonz. I saw so much cute stuff there! We were supposed to go to a psychic fair on Saturday but she is really sick right now so we have to wait. We drove all over the place on Thursday and I took her to my house to see the paint job. Then I took her and my dad to Spanky's for dinner and then took her home and we tried out her new tarot cards. I can't really remember what was in the cards, most of it was stuff I already knew.
~break~
5:10pm
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
5:26pm
There was this one in particular card she said kept changing. It was a picture of a green dragon. She said there was a LOT of men/male energy looking out for me, which I find to be interesting because I have always been considered one of the boys, even when I was younger. My parents didn't want to raise me like just a girl so I had the best of both worlds, barbies and matchbox cars, dresses and playing in the dirt. As I got older that translated into not being scared of things that girls would normally be scared of and being fearless in the name of adventure. I think I've balanced out a bit but I still feel guided into all the fun and adventures that boys get to have. And I guess that's why I've always felt more comfortable around them and have been able to understand them in a way that not all women can.
Okay so that leads us into Friday. My friend Emily, is leaving for York, England, this Thursday so we made a plan to have a little send off. We had lunch at this Mexican place in Geneva and had margaritas. We did some shopping and after the tequila wore off I was finally able to drive home. We went to Crystal Life (my new favorite store) and since I paid for dinner I told her she could buy me something at the New Age store. She agreed to that and I found this stone called Sanda Rosa Azeztulite and I was going to get it myself because I thought it might be too much for her (it was $17.00), but she got it for me anyways. So now I have two beautiful pendants, that one and the Aqua Aura that I got the day before. I love them both but I can only wear one at a time, eek I can't choose! I have been wearing the Azeztulite one though. I just love it too much to take it off yet.
So, I have to tell you something. I am pretty sure you're going to be really fucking pissed at me about this but, oh well. So, I was cleaning up your email inbox today (deleting a lot of junk mail so it's not a total mess in there when you get internet back) and I found this message that Erica had forwarded to you from this girl named Bijou. I dunno who that is but she was going on about how Rich has STDs and cheated on her and the part I am most shocked about is that it sounds exactly the way things happened with you guys. Like cheated on his girlfriend (or ex-wife, whatever) with his SO in the same room, a few feet away. It's like it's a pattern for him. I'm just saying I'm glad you're not into him because look what you would be getting if you were. SMH. I guess on a friendship level he's okay but not boyfriend material. Anywho I think my overall point is that maybe it has less to do with you and more with him being a sex addict or something. Lol it would be funny if you wrote about the same thing in your nb to me.
My weekend was uneventful. Went to the library, relaxed and read a lot. Today I paid the phone bill, mailed your letter and in a bit I am going to take a bath just in case I get to see my man tonight. I just hope I can sleep because the past few times I stayed there I just could not get to sleep. I will let you know how everything goes.
Love,
Me
6:01pm
No comments:
Post a Comment