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Hey lady!
Well, I guess this is how I'm writing you now, lol. What I mean by that is, I love the journaling but don't have the energy to write in it right now but I didn't want to go any longer without writing you. So, I made this kinda cool decision today. I am just gonna write notes wherever I go and if I'm not around my notebook I will put them in here and print them out. So there will be a mixture of writing and printed journal entries for you. I'm finding that for some reason I'm really enjoying typing more than writing right now. I'm not really sure why, because it has never been like that for me. Ever. Maybe because it's easier than having to cart around 2 notebooks everywhere (ours and my personal one). It's just boom right there plus I can be coy about it so I can write in a room full of people and they'll think I'm playing a game or texting or something. Hehe.
Anyway, I finally got my period today. Two weeks late but at least it got here. I'm relieved and yet I hate the cramps and since it's late, it will be real fun dealing with the heat tomorrow. Being a girl sucks sometimes. But at least I don't have to worry about getting it this weekend. Last year I got my period on Eclipse day (which you already know), and by July 4th it was still in full swing which was not fun. I was at Geoff's house for his 4th of July party and I had to keep going up the stairs to pee and check my "status". Even the cold water wasn't stopping it. I had to go to Target and get some emergency tampons.
Everyone kept going in and out of the water and I either had to stay in or stay out. It completely sucked.
Anywho, so this weekend I am going to a wedding with Barry, and I hate to say it but it makes me think of Ryan. There were 2 weddings during the time he and I were together and he made out with some girl at one of them. He didn't invite me up there to meet his family or be his date or anything. It was like he was ashamed of me from the beginning. I wish we would have set real boundaries. If he felt like we were only together when we were actually together why did he make such a big deal about me hanging out with any guys at all? I think that shit is so stupid. But at the same time, I was wondering how he was doing today. Is that weird? It has been like, almost 7 months since I heard from him. I wouldn't know what to say to him if I did talk to him but I'm just surprised that I haven't gotten anything besides a stupid Chicago reference on face book every once in a while. I thought that we were at least friends but even that was a joke I guess.
Anywho, I'm gonna go for now. But I will write more soon, promise.
Love,
Me
~sex~
Since when did everything become about sex? Every kiss, every embrace, every touch? I miss what happens before. Two people feel the static as their skin touches. A look of asking, a look of answering "yes". And then it happens. Lips touch. The earth stops moving and suddenly you are lost. Hands find their way tentatively at first, asking more questions: what does she like? Is she ticklish in some areas? What if I touched her here? And then the asking turns into begging, pleading. "Please?" "No, I'm not ready yet." "but I am." "I know you are, I can literally see how ready you are." He thinks: "okay, I can be jerk and push her, or I can calm down and go at her pace." Which guy always seems to win? And even the nice ones, once they find that button to press, they just keep going until space and time possess nothing but kisses and love and skin on skin. As much as I enjoy all of that, I miss the anticipation, the build up of that first kiss, followed by another, and another, and another.
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