1:07am
Hey Chels,
I am finally home, yay! So, Monique and I didn't really get any magick stuff done but it's okay. We still got started on the business card thing and I got added to her info page. I am going to be starting on Monday, although she said something about calling a bunch of clients on Sunday so I have no idea what she has lined up for me but we shall see. I have a new email that I share with her called TrinityPsychicSisters@gmail.com. Password: MysticMoon.
I hate to admit this but I am actually kind of nervous about actually starting, but I know that once I get started I will be fine. I just can't believe I'm actually going to be doing something like this, it's crazy. What I'm really excited for are the healings. I'm not actually "healing" anyone, but mainly just replacing any negative energy with positive and healing energies. Plus whenever I heal Monique I always get these messages from people to tell her, I wonder if it will be like that with the clients. Maybe if I ask them first? Like, "whenever I do these healings I almost always get pictures in my head or messages from people. Would you like me to say whatever I come across or no?" I think that would be okay. I don' t want to freak anyone out. I am also excited about the tarot readings. I love my tarot cards. I can't use my old deck though because I never cleansed them to begin with so I can't do anything with them. But I can't wait to read with these tarot cards. It should be a blast. Until this takes off though I'm still going to treat it like I'm not getting paid at all and that way I won't be getting my hopes up.
I still have plenty to write but am freaking exhausted so I am going to leave more for tomorrow. This week was just wow crazy and it's Saturday already, can only get crazier.
<3,
Me
1:25am
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August 13th, 2011
11:09am
Hey Chels,
Wow, day...what are we on now? Of remembering my dreams. This one was about a phone. I find this phone and I decide right away to hide it so I put it in my bra and cover up with a blanket. Geoff comes in with this girl and they're talking about the phone, it's a Vibrant. I just act like I have no idea what they're talking about and excuse myself and run into this very cute guy. I make the mistake of telling him about my phone and we both felt like the best place to hide it was underwater. The water was so blue and crystal clear. We said we would look for it together the next day but I dove back down. In the next scene I was at a coffee house and asked the Barista for my phone and she said it was a little beat up but it's all mine. And then my dad was like, "what about me? I want a new phone." And I said that you've had the same phone for 5 years, you can upgrade any time you want. Lol!
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I still have my fancy phone but if I want that data plan I'm still going to be paying $150.00. Unless I ask my parents if they can pay for their part because I have more than made up for costing them $300 when Jackie called me from Iraq. I'm sure my mom likes that I pay the phone bill but it's just too much for one person to pay, unless I get some money from the psychic job, then I can afford to pay the whole thing. But I just don't like that Motorola Cliq XT. The thing that sucks is that if I wanted a new phone I would have to break my contract which is $200.00 and then start a new phone and get a new one. If I could do that it actually wouldn't be a bad idea because I could get that sidekick that I've wanted for years now.
*enough babbling*
Alright so where did I leave off? Alright so after our little conversation things sort of went back to normal. Barry sort of scared me with the whole lying and cheating thing. I mean, what does he think I've been doing this whole time? Having gang bangs or something? Lol. I felt like saying that but I just said that since that night we first kissed I have never been with anyone else, even though the first couple of months were hella confusing. He has always been the one man in my life this year. He is so worried about me understanding him that I think he bypassed the whole understanding me thing. He's been so afraid to tell me that he loves me, and here I've been holding off on that as well because I've been fucked over too and I figured he would say it when he was ready, which he did. And I'm glad that he does love me. I just hope it doesn't mean HE is gonna treat ME differently now. Unless that differently is more open and more happy and all that.
So Sunday was the Ren Fair. I kept getting calls from Lori worrying about the weather. I told her it's going to rain but not in the area and she's like, "how does it rain but not in the area?" like I was stupid or something. She and I were like this all day. I was like, "well, it might rain up in Wisconsin but it's not going to be bad where we are." (duh). She was trying to buy my dad one of her tshirts that she designed and my dad wasn't having it. If she had designed any of the fairy shirts I would have been all over that but I have no idea because she was so wrapped up in my dad. And near the end of the time we were there she was talking about all these dresses that were going to have her designs on them. I had to tell her like 3 times that I don't wear dresses and she's like, "well if you don't like them you don't have to take them." If she knew me at ALL she wouldn't have even bothered and she would have started with, "hey I'm going to have my designs on tank tops," I would have been so much more receptive to that. And then she tells me that she never wears dresses either! So like, you're trying to guilt me into wearing something you wouldn't wear yourself? Thanks. Oh, and she was talking about doing a Ren Fair puzzle, but she hopes that no one will try and sue her. It's like, if you're worried about that then why do it? Or at least ask if it would be okay to put someone in a puzzle. When she went to Vegas one year she took a picture of these two guitar playing guys and they got mad and tried to sue the company! But, whatever. I've given up on her knowing me as a person and I'm not gonna kiss her ass. I wasn't trying to be annoyed with her but when she would respond to me by trying to make me feel stupid then eventually whatever came out of my mouth was what it was.
That's why I spent the majority of the time by myself and I had a blast.
11:57am
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10:24pm
Hey Sweets!
So, tonight is the full moon. I always love the full moon, especially being able to see it from my window. So, I am excited for tomorrow. I am going to Monique's house and we are doing the business card thing and I guess she is calling some of her clients to tell them about me? Not really sure about that but okay, I'll go with it!
So, I guess that brings my story to Monday. Sunday night Barry and I had made plans to hang out on Monday and I wanted to give him a massage but that ended up not happening. When I was getting ready to leave he told me that Korey invited both of us over. I was so nervous but I didn't want to say anything about it. Barry had made some remark about only having 2 cigarettes left and he still had his E-cig and I said, "why don't you just use that?" Apparently he got really pissed at me about this but didn't confront me or tell me that it pissed him off. Ooh Monday afternoon Geoff wanted me to pick him up from the train station and we were going to swim but it started raining and he's trying to convince me that it's safe to go in the water when there's lightening. Lol. Anyhow,
So Barry and I get to Korey's house. At this point his ex was on the phone, for not the first time but the second time that evening. Let me just tell you this: I'm a pretty understanding person. The reason why I have not brought this up is because I am an understanding person. But like, the one part that bothers me isn't the fact that she calls him. She calls him pretty much every time that I'm with him. It's like she has her spidey senses up. "ooh, Barry is with his girlfriend, let's create some sort of crisis and bug the shit out of him." Not only this, he seems to think he's the ONLY person on the face of this earth who can help her out. You know, all I know of her is that she's mentally unhinged and has anxiety problems. Well, her anxiety only seems to come around when I'm around. She's the one who cheated on him and didn't want a real relationship with him. So you know what? He moved on. I get that he's the type of person to help anyone out, from his friends to some random stranger on the street. And it's okay that he talks to her because I know how he feels about me. But while he might be thinking that she really has problems, I see a completely different picture. She wants to make sure she still "has" him. He either really doesn't get women at all or just chooses not to see it. And now he's saying he thinks of her as a sister? Okay--I can think of Geoff as a brother because we have never had intimate relations. How can you have intimate relations with someone and then think of them as a family member? I'm sorry but ew. I have been trying so hard to not hurt him that I feel I'm over passing how this is making me feel: like one day he's going to leave me for her. On the one hand I see this honest guy who I believe would be man enough to tell me if something was going on, and on the other hand I see someone who is extremely vulnerable and who might one day think she was all fixed and go back to her. I'm not saying I am going to break up with him but I know what she's up to and it kind of worries me that he chooses not to see it. Of course being the girlfriend that came after the one girl he's been in love with for the better part of a decade, I think I'm completely justified in feeling this way. But, I am who I am. He knows what he's getting with me. I can't control him into staying with me, only give my all and hope that our bond can grow beyond this. I hate saying the word "jealous," because I know I am the number 1 girl in his life. Sarah had her chance and she broke him so bad that he was afraid to tell me he loved me. And the very few times that I actually screw up, he has to be a jerk face about things that could have been avoided. But I guess this happens and by now things have calmed down a bit.
Things were just plain weird at Korey's though. For one thing, he was acting like we had just picked up from where we left off. This WHOLE year Korey had been shitfitting all over the place whenever Barry even mentioned my name and even stopped talking to him. Then he finds out we're dating and suddenly he's all nice again? WTF kind of bad movie plot did I just walk into? It didn't really ANNOY me that Barry was talking to Sarah. My real problem was that he just sort of left me hanging because he was mad about something I had said earlier that I didn't know I had pissed him off about. He was just acting like everything was completely normal as well. And then he started drinking Old Style which Mike used to drink (ew). By the time we got home I was exhausted and he went to work on something he still needed to work on and by the time he went to bed he hadn't brushed his teeth so I asked him very nicely if he could and I guess that pissed him off as well. It wasn't the fact that he didn't brush his teeth, it was the fact that his breath smelled like beer that I hated that reminded me of someone who raped me. But did I say any of this? Of course not. I wasn't going to bring any of it up, it just felt wrong to say the sentence out loud in my boyfriend's bed who had never hurt me and who has never ever raped me. But I realized that I probably should have given him some explanation.
The whole night was just plain weird and crazy and was only made worse the following morning when he didn't kiss me goodbye before he left and never texted me good morning or anything. So I went over to Geoff's house and we went swimming. It was so odd being mad at my boyfriend and swimming at Geoff's house. I didn't want to say anything so I just kept to myself for most of the time I was there but Barry and I were finally talking. I texted him that something was wrong and at first he was like, "with what?" but then he went into why he was upset. Apparently the thing about the cigarettes pissed him off and he even said that sometimes I have bad breath but he never said anything because he didn't want to hurt my feelings. I think I'm woman enough to be able to take it when someone said I have bad breath. Lol.
I was just leaving Geoff's house when I texted him about not liking when Sarah calls. I feel like we were in that discussion forever. We were even at Border's when she called him. That's what I meant about having her spidey senses up. I even told him that if the situation were reversed and my ex was calling me as often as yours called you(around you) you and I would be having this same conversation. He didn't believe me and even went into his call log to prove me wrong. I wasn't exactly paying attention to the exact dates ALL the time, but for as long as I can remember she has interrupted a night or two, or fifty. I just think there is a such thing as boundaries and anxiety problems or not, if she REALLY had anxiety problems she would call him any day of the week. The last time she called was 8/1/11. I think he and I were still in his office when she called, depending on the time. I seem to remember hearing her ringtone. But see, That's what I mean. She has anxiety problems but only seems to have a crisis when I'm around, and he refuses to believe she has any ulterior motives. PLEASE. Even my dog isn't THAT stupid.
Ugh, so I guess I am done writing about this for now. But in the future I am going to pay a lot more attention to her calls.
TIRED!
12:07am
8/14/11
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