Revelations...

January 5th, 2014
1:45am
Hey Chels,
It's really amazing to me, the amount of writing I get done when I actually make it a point to write. I think I've written more in the past few days than I have in the past few months :/. I'm sorry. But anyway...
So today I was going through your volume 5 and I came across something. You had an idea for a new beginnings notebook, and you wanted us to write out all the things we wanted to have happen to us in the next year. I think I'm going to try that out next Friday when I do my meditations so they will be written in more than one place. I have no idea how much material I even have now but I'm guessing it's at least 3 notebooks worth. I really need to start printing out the stuff I have now so I can start putting it in the notebooks. I'm sorry there won't be any handwritten notebooks for a while but I think I'm just going to buy a new notebook soon, maybe on the 11th, and just start the new nb which I want it to be an activity/arty/photo kind of journal. I think that is what I will do. Only write in here until next Friday and then go out and start the new beginnings journal that will correspond with my Venus cycle. So by the time we get up here, you will have: volumes 2,3, and 5. 4 is turning into a book, and the poetry book, plus whatever I have written of Angel Wings so far. Plus the chakra book, your own venus cycle book, and the tarot card journal which I am writing out by hand. So that's.... 9 books. So maybe by the time we see each other again, I will have volumes 12 and 14 ready for you. So.... I have time to get everything together, which is cool. I just miss being old school and actually writing in a notebook. I don't care if I have to type it out when I'm done, I'm ready to create another nb. Volumes 12 and 14 are ready to go they just need to be filled with entries before they can be sent to you. You know.... I think I am going to think of activities that are fairly easy so it doesn't require a lot of steps. Mainly it'll just be things that can be documented in picture/song/poem/journal entry form. And I am not sure how I want to set things up yet. Since you'll be living closer, you can have your own nb for me and I will have this one ready and you can do the activities and come up with your own for me to do and the next time we see each other, we will switch off. Like in the old days where we lived 25 minutes from each other and could hand off our notebooks.
Even though it's been a lot of work, I feel that this has been really liberating for me. I was reading through the David stuff today and my heart really went out to you. Now, you know I never liked him. I tried to like him and I put up with him for your benefit, but I never liked him. I hate how he never respected you, never showed you any love and always chose Lynne over you. I hated that he was so selfish and he gave up on his daughter. But after a while I realized that you would come to these conclusions on your own. As for his cheating on you... I don't think he did it just that one time. I think he always thought with his dick and would have screwed anybody who would have him. But that is his problem, not yours. I hope you know by now that what he did to you was on him, not you. You were young and in love and just went with whatever he wanted because you loved him. I don't think he consciously thought of all the ways he could take advantage of you. But I do think that he always thought of himself before anything. He and Jes might still be married, but she's stupider than you ever were. She sees the physical prize but looks fade eventually. And that in no way implies that they're happy. You found someone who knows what he has when he has you. He loves you, respects you, and encourages you to be independent. He wants you to be self sustaining. He's just happy to be in your perephery. He's happy you looked his way at all. And I'm really happy you found someone who loves you and knows how to treat you. You know, I understand why you freaked out about Mark. I was having trouble with what I wanted, and missed him so much. When we started dating for real, there was so much up in the air. But now... I wouldn't trade him for anything. I love him so much. And he tells me how beautiful I am and how lucky he is every day. I have felt more in the past 5 months with him than I ever felt with anyone else.
I feel like we both are so blessed. And on that note, sleep.
Love,
Me