12:08am
Hey Chels,
What up!! I feel like I haven't written in here in forever, and that's probably because I really haven't. There has been so much going on and all this shit with my dad has seriously gotten me on edge. Every time he barfs I have to make sure he's okay and things don't get worse. It used to be only a couple times a day but on Friday he barfed like 5 times. And it was so bad. But today (well, Sunday), he was a little shaky but that was it. So I was able to have a relaxing Sunday.
You know... Joe has been coming over once a week for a couple of months now. I think my parents already think of him as my boyfriend even though we haven't talked about that ourselves yet (which is completely fine, believe me). Last night was... Interesting. He didn't end up getting here till almost 6 which was fine because my mom and I had gone to a craft fair earlier. We watched some movies and in between we talked for a bit, and it was really nice to just have a conversation. We ended up not getting to sleep till around 4am. And that's when the weird thing occurred. He said that he had to get some sleep and I said okay. So then he kisses me. And we keep kissing for a while and then I turn over so he's holding me and he kisses my neck a few times and then he just stops. And I was like, "why did you stop kissing me?" and he apologized, it was cute lol. But then he just stopped again and said that it doesn't always have to be about sex, and didn't I ever just want to be held? Or something like that. So he just held me for a while. I made him stop eventually because I had to pee and his breath was tickling my neck, but I thought it was really sweet. At first I was kind of taken aback by his lack of wanting to have sex. But then I realized that I loved being all snuggled up with him and it didn't even matter that we didn't do anything else. And then this morning I took my bra off (it was the only shirt I was wearing) and he asked me if I was trying to get laid and I said no. I didn't really explain my reasoning but I just like the feel of skin on skin and my bra was annoying me so I just took it off for a while. Lol, I thought about it later and I should have said something like, "if I was trying to get laid, I'd do something like this," and then taken my pants off or something.
But anyway... This is exactly the type of relationship that I wanted with Larry. All I wanted was for him to snuggle with me and all he wanted to do was get in my pants. I've been talking to Larry and sometimes it pisses me off that things happened the way they did. I was really looking forward to being with him. But Joe is amazing. We talk everyday, he doesn't just text me when he wants sex out of me, and we can get through a night of just snuggling and talking and watching movies. Like he doesn't care so much about sex. And when I didn't want him to stop kissing me, it wasn't that I was trying to have sex with him, I was just happy that my lip wasn't hurting anymore and I didn't want to stop kissing him at that particular moment. I really do appreciate someone being a real gentleman and setting the groundwork for whatever comes next. And also, in every other romantic situation I've been involved in, it's always revolved around sex. So it's nice that for once, yeah we can turn each other on but it's nice just to have his arms around me and maybe there will be more, maybe not. But he's more important to me than just having sex. Cuz I've had sex without the real relationship and that shit hurts. I can't go through something like that again. But so far... So good.
Alright so tomorrow kicks off my NBs month. Every day this month I'm going to focus on NBs whether it be writing, tarot cards, or even making a new video :). Love you!
Rita
12:33am
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