5:39pm
Hey Chels,
Wow it's June already. Holy shit. If it were this time last week I would still be in the woods :(. Now I have to wait 110 days for Wild Magick. Angel and I are going early so we can get as much camp time in as humanly possible before we have 8 long months to wait before Elf Fest next year. Ugh it seems like way too long!!! :::cries:::
So... As you know by now, Joe was supposed to come over tomorrow. We were just going to hang out and watch movies and possibly get some pizza. But of course that didn't end up happening. Not only that, but I finally just cut him out of my life completely. Let me just say that okay, I get why you were upset. I mean, Mike was horrible to me. But I really did like his brother. Although the Joe from 10 years ago would not have dated me. That I already know. It just sucks that we can't even be friends because of Mike. And the fact that Joe can't just tell him to fuck off. There's so much drama there, it's so stupid. But you know what, let him keep his shitty brother who will forever be fucking him over and I will just move on and find people who aren't little bitches to be friends with. Screw even wanting to date him anymore. It really hurts that Mike had to be such an asshole that I had to finally say that I think we should just say goodbye now and not even be friends and Joe agreed with me. That's what hurts the most. I want to know why he even started talking to me in the first place this year. I was fine before I started talking to him again. And then he let me see that not all guys are assholes when in fact... They kind of are. I have never done anything to him to deserve that. And yet Mike, who does everything in his power to be as annoying as possible, gets to be a douche to whoever he wants and gets whatever he wants. But I will say that it's Joe that is missing out on getting to be friends with me and I know he still has feelings for me (because he told me so). And Mike doesn't get to peer into my life anymore. That part is my favorite. I never liked him on my page at all. They can both fuck off for all I care.
Ugh I can't get this Tim guy out of my head and I don't even like him. (like that at least). It's just that we were only able to talk like one time since Elf Fest and I haven't gotten a chance to say how I really feel yet. I think I just felt so overwhelmed by the whole thing that it took me time to process what I would say and now that I know what I want to say I haven't heard from him. So... Maybe I will hear from him next week? Who knows. All I know is, I'm okay with not getting involved with him. I don't want to be mean but also he needs to respect how I feel and if he can't that's not my issue. I have no doubt that he's a great person and all that. But he's never going to get anywhere with me and if he thinks he's going to he has another thing coming. I just want to make that clear and hopefully we can camp together without any hard feelings. My problem with guys is that I understand a little bit too much of where they are coming from so I can't just tell every guy who annoys me to fuck off. I still recognize the fact that even men are human and they aren't perfect just like women aren't perfect. And for the most part, I have some amazing male friends. But as for anything romantic, I haven't found that spectacular guy yet. Which is just fine with me. But I enjoy the attention that I get even though they all know (except Larry) that they're never going to get anywhere with me. Because right now I do have those feelings for him. I have no idea what's going to happen but I am happy with how things are now. But eventually I do know that it's going to have to go somewhere. And if he's not going to be my boyfriend for real, he needs to let me go. And I will tell him this. Not in a threatening ultimatum kind of way but just... It's hard to find someone you want to be with and even harder when the door is still open for someone else. It's not fair to anyone new who comes along. And I deserve someone who wants me and has his head out of his ass enough to tell me so. Maybe that is Larry, or maybe it isn't. But eventually.... I need to know either way. But I think I will hold off on the interrogation until the next time I see him. He needs to realize that he can't leave me hanging forever. If he wants to be with me we should be working on that but if he doesn't then that part of us needs to be over, as much as it kills me to say that. I don't think it's too much to ask for. All I want is him. And I deserve to know if he wants me too or if he just doesn't want me with anyone else. I know he loves me and wants me to be happy. But it doesn't make me happy to be in this limbo. So... Please don't be mad at me for still having feelings for him. And if we do decide to work things out I hope that you would support me. He really isn't a bad guy. But for some reason he isn't talking about being my boyfriend or anything. So maybe he just needs a kick in the pants lol.
At any rate... I'm on my period right now so that should explain all the crazy. What I really need right now is a nap :/.
6:08pm
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