March 16th, 2013

March 16th, 2013
4:43pm

Hey Chels,
So, another Saturday and I'm not seeing Joe this weekend :(. He has been depressed lately (part of his manic-depressive disorder) so he hasn't really felt like going out. I'm thinking that it might have been a mistake to take himself off his meds. He's back on them now so I think things should be evening themselves out soon. Also, he is afraid to go out this weekend because it's St Paddy's day weekend and he might be tempted to do something stupid while in a manic phase. So... That's another reason why. I'm understanding but I still miss him. But whatever. I still have my own stuff to keep me busy until he feels better.
So, right now I'm at the hospital. My mom said the doctor said that my dad has been having 2 types of seizures, both the epileptic and non-epileptic ones. So he's going to see a psychiatrist to see which meds he should be on and then follow up with epilepsy specialist outpatient. So... There you go. At least now hopefully we can move forward from here.

So, I saw Larry yesterday and Thursday. Yesterday was fun because he had a lot of deliveries to drop off and we weren't alone as much. He still tried to tickle me but I just kept shutting him down. It's funny, I always imagined the moment where I'd finally be able to do that. I'd be wearing something sexy and we'd be in a bar or something and he'd try and put his arms around me and I'd tell him to stop it. But that didn't happen. It happened while I was in crummy clothes with crazy hair and dark circles under my eyes. But it still felt good to turn him down. A part of me wishes I didn't have to do that. But I'm not the one who made it that way. He's the one who kept hurting me and eventually I just got sick of it and then Joe came along. It just reminds me of all those people who would use the "but it's not like we're real couple yet" excuse. But I can't do that. If I'm going to have sex with someone it's going to mean something and if I want it to mean something with Larry I would have to break things off with Joe. And I don't want to break things off because another guy suddenly wants me back. That's stupid. If Joe and I don't work out for other reasons then fine.
But anyway, I've been thinking a lot lately about this dress that I want to make for my goddess retreat. I think next week I'm going to start on it. At least go to the fabric store and see what colors I want.
I'm gonna read for a bit. If only my mom would shut up for 2 minutes! Ugh.

Love you,
Rita Bo bita

5:05pm