May 13th, 2013

May 13th, 2013
1:01am

Hey Chels,
I was watching Olga Kay and realized that I haven't written in a little bit so I wanted to say hi. And also I wanted to say happy Mother's day. It was technically yesterday but still. I know you're not technically a mother but in my mind you will always be a mom to Winter Grace. I don't think people really even think about that anymore or how you must feel but I know it must be hard for you to not be a part of her life the way you were before. And also it must be hard because you want to move on completely from David but there's still that connection (Winter). There might come a time when she doesn't want to talk to you at all. So I say just be grateful for every time you do hear from her now because it might not always be there. For all I know, you might have already not heard from her for a while as I'm writing this. The way I feel... It's hard to be a part of a kid's life and then have to move on. In my experience I've had no choice. I think about how much time has gone by and how I haven't been in these kids' lives for a decade now and it hurts sometimes. But I also know that it wasn't up to me and that if I had it my way, I'd still be great friends with the families. But that's just not the case. So... There you go.

Ugh my throat feels like I've been wandering in the desert and I haven't had anything to drink for 40 hours. I'm praying that I can bypass all of this sickness and just feel a little crummy and then feel a ton better by next week, which is my trip.
I am worried about you, Chels. Hopefully by the time you read this you will be a lot better, but I feel this needs to get said. I know you think a doctor visit is a waste of time and money. But think about it this way. You haven't gotten better on your own in 2 months. Think about all the damage that is doing to your vocal chords. If you go to the doctor to get treated, at least you know that within a week you'll feel better and by the time this thing comes back, your job situation will be different so you might have some money to pay for stuff or even insurance by then. But you can't just let this thing go untreated.
I really hope you start to feel better soon. But if you don't, I hope you have the sense to get seen by someone, even if it means you're getting the same treatment. If it was something normal, you would have gotten over it by now.
That's all I'm going to say. I know it's your body, your time and your money, but you're my best friend and i'd like you to start to feel better asap.

So... I have been feeling really inspired this week. I cleaned up all my documents and I got my volume 10 turned into a book. When I finish each nb, I'm going to get one of those big mailer envelopes to send each one in and then just send them to you one by one. I think that's the best way. You'll be getting the originals of all of them except for volume 4 and volume 7. Volume 4 because it's mostly my journal and volume 7 because I had to redo it and the rest of it fell apart. But I think I'm going to do Volume 4 so you end up still having some of the same stuff, like interviews and songs and whatever else there was in there. I'll just put it in order.

Oh and I also added some stuff to my favorite things box... My favorite tweets and also pictures. I've noticed that some of the pictures people put up can be saved to my phone so I'm going to print them out so I can fold them up to put them in the box. It's only May and I have a lot to catch up on, I hope this box can hold everything. I'm pretty sure that by the time December rolls around I'll need a bigger box. But I'm going to make a journal dedicated to saving each one, like a scrapbook or something. I haven't decided yet.

Alright, I'm gonna try and get some rest. I have no idea what this week is going to bring, but hopefully I won't feel too shitty to work on anything. Love you!

Rita Bo bita

1:27am