10:48pm
Hey Chels,
Wow. I am getting so bad at keeping up with this thing. I feel like a real jerk. It's like I get so freaking busy that certain things just get put on the back burner. Everyone keeps asking me when I'm taking my test again but I never get any time to study so it's kind of pointless right now. Maybe it needs to be the first thing I do in the morning before anything else so I can feel a little accomplished, at least for now. But I haven't been working on anything else, either. I do love it though... I love having things to do and people to see, summer is just like that. I'm sure it will calm down again come school time so I'm not worried about it.
So... I've been thinking. Last year this week Stephanie got married, I went to a 4th of July party with Monique up in Wisconsin, and it was one of the times Larry and I hooked up. This year I hung out with Geoff and Mark and got to hang out with my Ze for the 4th and I'm done with Larry.
This week has just been insane. After seeing you last weekend (despite the rain I'm still glad I got to see you), things with Mark have calmed down a lot. Saturday night all that drama was just Kristin acting a fool and Sunday Mark and I talked. Actually, while you were in the car with me at the pool he said something that made me want to cry but I just didn't feel like crying in front of you. He just told me to forget him, I said I wouldn't do that. The next day I explained that I've had to say goodbye to too many people who have meant something to me and I just can't do it again. Not right now. And Kristin isn't gonna scare me away, either. She wasn't getting the response she wanted out of me so now she just switched gears completely. On Tuesday when I picked Mark up she only called 3 times. I actually expected her to call a bunch more but she didn't. She just kept saying that as long as he showed up for work sober he could do whatever lol. She must have said it like 5 times in a row.
Here is the thing (before I say anything else). I know you don't like Kristin and you dislike the fact that Mark is living with her and you don't want me to get hurt. I am right there with you. I don't want me to get hurt. But no matter what else happens between Mark and myself (if anything), he is still my friend. And I just got him back here. I will be damned if I'm gonna let someone with obvious psychological problems scare me away. If I did something completely out of line and I knew it, it'd be a different story. She'd have every right to kick my ass. But I'm going to show her that when Mark is with me he's not getting into trouble and doing really stupid shit. He's just being him. And if he was gonna do something stupid it's not gonna be on my watch. He even told me that he told her that she and I are pretty much the only women in his life. She's married and all of that and he's felt however he feels about me since forever. And he's known me first because we lived in the same neighborhood. We just didn't know that that's who each other was until middle school. But yeah.
And also... I have no idea what this will bring. It might be a huge disaster. But it also might turn out to be pretty wonderful. He might be the one who actually sticks around and doesn't treat me like garbage and fights for me and respects me. For all I know he could be that guy and all the stuff he's done in his past doesn't matter because it's made him who he is today. We've all done stuff we aren't proud of. Even you can relate to that. But I'm not going to hold things against you or judge you. You know that. So just keep that in mind for him. I just feel like I owe it to myself to find out what he means to me. I still haven't really processed anything yet, it's still so crazy new.
But anyway.... Wednesday was my group night and we had a karaoke party. I wished you could have been there instead of having the shittiest day of your life. I don't get how people even function at that place. I wouldn't let my kids get dropped off there. No effing way. I hope that when you get here you can find somewhere to work that is more mature than that. Anyway... I sang so much that night I didn't sing at all on my way home. Lol. Today was the 4th and I went to this party my friend Ze's nephew was throwing. It was okay but not all that exciting, most of the people just kept to themselves and I think only a few people came to talk to us but it's like we were at the kiddie table and nobody wanted to play with us. But we had fun in our own group playing cards against humanity and just talking and then watching fireworks.
Tomorrow I have to turn in my timesheet and take my dad for his remicade. After I get home I think I'll study for a bit and then maybe see a movie and just relax. Saturday I have Anthony's bday party. Sunday my friend Shelly wants to hang out. Monday I think I might be hanging out with Mark again. I think we made plans to hang out just the two of us but I'm not 100% sure. Tuesday I'm not sure what I'm doing. Wednesday is week one of my energy class. Thursday I go back for my dental cleaning (the rest of it). Friday, the 12th, is the only day I can think of that I have absolutely nothing going on. But I guess plans always change, lol.
I think that's it for now. I am just exhausted and still have to get ready for bed. Love you!
Rita
11:29pm
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