1:31am
Hey Chels,
Ugh what a day. I am so sick of coughing. I am so tired of being sick. I'm not even sure if I am sick still, all I'm doing is coughing when I lay down. Never really during the day. But my throat itches where it did before when I got really sick so I don't fucking know what the deal is. But I am going to just continue to take my vitamin c, drink lots of water and try and stay inside as much as possible.
So... Today was kind of rough. My dad was barfing in the morning again (it's weird how that keeps happening) and the doctor was unavailable to see him but I just ended up making an appointment for Monday. The doctor's office called and said they wanted me to take my dad to the ER but at that point he had been sleeping for a while and I didn't want to get up. I talked to my mom and she said that he might need to see the gastro doctor so next week I made an appointment to see both his primary doctor and the gastro doctor. So hopefully something will come of it. It's mind boggling cuz it seems to just happen for no reason and then it's over with.
Anyway... So this weekend should be fun. Today I'm going to another vagina monologues meeting and learning some kind of dance. And then Sunday I'm hanging out with Joe. I know you don't want me to date him. I'm gonna make a pro and con list and see which one is bigger.
Pros:
Has always been there for me when I needed someone during my relationship with Mike
He makes me laugh and smile pretty much all the time
He is a responsible person
He doesn't want to move too fast or push me into something I'm not ready for
Ever since he started talking to me again, I've realized how much I miss him and how happy I am that we are talking and hanging out
He already stood up for me to his brother.
He has already stated that if my dad ever got sick and was in the hospital, he would love it if he could support me.
Cons:
His brother. Now... I know sometimes people can't help who they are related to. But... I have no idea what Mike will do if he found out things were more than just platonic between Joe and me. I'm not going to live my life in fear of what might happen, but it makes me wonder what Joe is thinking and how he sees things panning out. Like does he see us all being civil to each other or does he see crazy drama? And would he put me in the middle knowing full well what could happen? This is a major concern of mine and before I invest my heart I need to know the answer to those questions. I don't want to be in a position where I have to walk away because Mike loses his shit and it's too hard to deal with. I know you're afraid of that very same thing happening. I may be all happy that Joe is talking to me again but I have to wonder what is going on. Like did he miss me that much that he's willing to make his brother go even more nuts than he already is? But you know... I guess Joe just got sick of it after Mike works for his ex-wife's dad and has both his ex-wife and her father on his Facebook. So whatever.
I know there's a lot to think about. But it's too early to tell anything.
And I still haven't heard from Mark. I mean, he had to know that I would say something like that. But to not even acknowledge my feelings in any way, I know I made the right choice. I can't help that he's single but I hope that now he can move on and find someone who will like him back. He's a good guy. He really is. Just not my guy. I dunno who my guy is but I know I have to keep looking.
Ugh my face hurts!! Why can't I just be better already?? This is going on 16 days now. I should not be coughing when I'm trying to sleep. I think I'm past being contagious but it's still annoying.
Meh. I need sleep. I love you... Oh. Another thing that bothers me. That Mike guy, WTF?!? Seriously. Today he tells me that he doesn't think we mesh well. Well you know, that would actually require some effort. And I don't make the effort cuz I'm not the one doing the chasing. And I seriously think that's what he wants from me. To chase him and be blowing up his phone and asking when can we hang out again and all of that. In a way I'm glad that I met him so I could get the idea of him out of my system. It was what I needed at the time. But like... We meet once and he only texts me to ask how's it going and then that's it? When we used to talk like all day. That only took a week. And it pisses me off. and then the day after steve tells me he's coming to see me, Joe starts talking to me again. The universe is sending me some very odd messages.
Alright.... I'm going to sleep now for real. I love you and will write soon.
Love,
Me
2:01am
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