5:12pm
Hey Chels,
No, I didn't go back to ignoring you. But I am taking some time to myself. I dunno it just seems like... Even though life got busy I always heard from you and now not at all. I know I could always text you, but it used to be both of us texting each other, and now it feels like if I don't text you, I'm not going to hear from you. Which has been the case ever since you got pissed off at me for whatever reason I have yet to find out. It doesn't feel like we're "in a fight" or anything, just I dunno what to think. I have to think that this is something you're going through and we'll just talk everything out sooner or later. I do still consider you my bff, just feel like for now we are taking time.
At any rate, I have a plan for the notebooks. I finally finished volume 2 and I decided while I was working on writing in volume 12, I'm just going to hold onto all these books until you move and they will be your housewarming gift. And that includes the new notebooks as well. I am really hoping that it will be sometime this year but it would be even better if it was next year so I could get more done. But once you move, the notebooks I finish (old and new) will be the ones you get. I think that's fair enough.
I still want to study massage but I feel like my focus is on writing right now. I just want to finish my stories and write my blog and write you and type up all these notebooks. I can't wait til all these notebooks are turned into actual books and I can't wait to see if this AdSense actually makes me money. I'll be happy with whatever I get.
So... Yesterday morning was cute. As soon as I woke up Mark jumped onto my bed and snuggled with me. And then the dog jumped up. So for a little bit I was in a Rita sandwich. And then this morning Mark had to leave early and I woke up to the sound of my dad barfing. WTF is up with the universe? Lol. He's okay though and Mark is home now so yay :).
Actually, things are going really well. It sucks that I can't share with you how happy I am because I'm kind of afraid to right now. But like... He always makes me laugh, he snuggles with me, kisses me, holds my hand, tells me I'm beautiful, and has been there for me when I needed someone. After he got out of jail (like right after), I used to get this panicky feeling if I wasn't with him all the time. I'm happy to say that that part is over and has been replaced by just a general contentment and a feeling of missing him when he's not around. And if I went to the store and picked something up for him, I can tell he appreciates it. He gets along with my parents and makes my mom laugh. I can't remember the last time I've been this happy. I just wish I could share it with you. Maybe one day I will but not going to chance it unless you ask first.
I read this thing you put on your fb about people being able to have opinions but not you. I have no idea if that was directed towards me or not but I will say this. It's not the fact that you have opinions that's the problem. It's when they come out kind of judgmental that hurts people's feelings. Now... I did feel attacked when you went off on me about Mark and then berating me for not shutting Larry out of my life completely. I have known these people a long time, Chels. And as the kind of person I am, it's incredibly difficult for me to cut a person off, especially if I still feel a connection with that person. Now, if I felt like I was 100% over someone and better off without that person, that's a different story. But I don't think I need to be told what I should and shouldn't do, who I should still be friends with, especially since I've accepted the fact that you are pretty much in the same boat. There will always be people in your life that I won't agree with, but it's your life. I don't think that should be as important as the fact that you are still a big part of my life and I hope that I'm still a big part of yours. I know we worry about each other, especially since we aren't around to see things for ourselves, but we should at least remember to have faith in each other. I hope that by the time you read this, we will have worked all this stuff out already. I know a lot if stuff I've been saying has been repetitive, but it's my process.
Anyway... So about Larry. I know he isn't your favorite subject in the world, but of course I have something to write about. This week I learned more about him than I have in the whole over a year that we were... Whatever we were. He told me that he did think of me as a girlfriend and he didn't sleep around or anything. And I got closer than I give myself credit for. I think it's mostly just because he finally realized what he missed, but he just made it sound like we were really together. As much as I wanted us to be together, we never were. He told me he was afraid of the title because he had had such bad luck in relationships. It's like, hello, my last boyfriend is in jail. Dumbass. Like I have any luck when it comes to relationships lol. I've accepted the fact that we weren't meant to be... But I guess he didn't realize that until he really couldn't have me anymore.
Anyway, I'm gonna go for now. My man is home and tomorrow is his busy day so tonight we are spending time together.
Love you,
Rita
8:48pm
No comments:
Post a Comment