October 10th, 2013
12:19pm
Hey Chels,
So... Yesterday. I thought by now I would know what to say but I really don't. I honestly have no idea what is going on with you right now. My whole point is that there's obviously something you are avoiding telling me about. It never mattered how busy we were before, we would always have time to at least check in. Ever since that letter we've gone days--DAYS without talking to each other. I don't know why you're not talking but I am staying quiet because I don't know how to approach you and yesterday was a clear indication that something was going on. If anyone understands about alone time, it's me. But it's like... This is what happened before when you were coming off of Xanax. You just expected me to know to leave you alone. And this time there wasn't even a warning, you just want to be left alone. Indefinitely. And you want someone to understand you? How can I understand you when you tell me you don't like my boyfriend, then don't like my answer to your letter, and never tell me why and stop talking to me? How the fuck am I supposed to understand that? I have never hidden anything from you when it came to Mark. His past, present and future. I asked you to have faith in me after I was completely honest with you. You have given me nothing and expect me to have the same faith in you. Faith doesn't work that way. And being a Christian, you should understand that. You should understand that faith isn't believing whatever someone tells you without question. I am questioning now because I'm trying to understand you. It's having trust in something you can't see. I do trust that we will get past this. But for some reason I feel like you are shutting down like you said you wanted to and for no real reason. I get that your job is stressful. I was there for you when you first started. But how am I going to understand anything about your life if you never tell me anything and stop talking to me completely? I have been there for you through everything, especially in the past 3-4 years. I have stayed friends with you even when you felt guilty about giving Brian Ryan's work info. I knew you did it and I never held it against you. I was there for you when you accidentally stole a ring from your job and got fired. When you slept with Rich. Even when you had an affair with Grant. And when you were in love with Ryan even though he was a dick to you. I was always there. And now it's like... I finally found Mark and you don't like him so you shut down on me? And you don't like my answer when I'm trying to defend him? Wouldn't you defend Brian if someone said something you didn't like about him? Yes--because it's happened. So I don't get how me doing the same thing gets me being ignored and then yelled at. That is so 8 years ago.
I dunno, Chels. I love you but this behavior is unacceptable to me. I just hope one day you open your eyes and see how bad this is. And I hope that you will try and fix our friendship because I want to but I'm not gonna stick around and take this abuse forever. My love for you will never go away but I need to protect myself. I'm just going to give you time and space and if I put anything else on fb if it'll cause a fight I will think twice. But for the most part I think I'm going to leave that alone as well.
Love you (and I will continue to write until it doesn't feel right anymore).
Love,
Rita
12:45pm
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