8:29pm
Hey lady,
Well, as you can see it's not tomorrow. I am just so freaking annoyed right now. I keep getting to the point where I somehow do something and all my writing is erased. It just happened again. But... I'm not going to let it get me down and if I have to auto save more often than fine. Bring it on. So... How are you doing? I know I already texted you this but it sounds like you have ovarian cysts. They're very common among women our age. Your periods are heavier, might interfere with mood changes (I felt everything way more intensely), pelvic pain. But most of the time they are fluid and go away naturally. I'm not 100% sure that that's what's wrong with you, but I'm hoping it's something simple like that and nothing too serious. I can't take anything else wrong with you.
So... I have to write this down. You know how you said you are an empath? Well... I think you might have something called "uncontrolled empathy". It is when you still have everything an empath has, you just have no idea how to control it. So... I think what I'm going to do is look into some research and see what I can find in order to help you. Because the older you get, the more intense it gets and I hate to say this but religion is the biggest reason why people deny things about themselves. Like they think it's wrong or evil to take certain steps to help themselves, they think it makes them love God less or something. I know we have different view points on religion and spirituality but let me just tell you right now. I may worship differently than you, but I still believe in the same God I've always believed in. No matter what you call him or her (goddess), they're all different facets of the same one. I'm just saying, there are ways to deal with what you're going through. I want to help you find out what your abilities are and how to hone them so you don't get to the point of exhaustion all of the time. It's not about denouncing your faith or anything like that. It's about taking care of yourself.
But before I do anything, I was writing about my birthday. It was fun because my family was there. I hadn't told everybody about Mark so it came as a surprise to some people, but for once I wasn't caught up in this anxiety of "what everyone is going to think" and all that. I just treated the situation like he belonged with us. And I even held his hand :). I have to say that a lot of people really take advantage of that. They just do what they are going to do. But I haven't spent a birthday with anybody since Brian. Much less any other holiday. It was nice to have someone I didn't have to feel ashamed of, either. I ended up telling my cousin Maddy about how Mark was in jail for a while and lives with my family for the moment and all about Kristin. The only thing she told me was to be careful but I also know she's not gonna blab to anybody about it. She has her own issues to deal with. She's a high school senior with a 2 month old baby sister. This was after her mom promised that she wasn't going to date anyone until they were both out of the house. Good job, lady.
So anyway, we had yummy yummy pizza at this awesome italian restaurant and as Mark and I were leaving to go home we went back in to pick up our cake and walked in on a surprise. It was cute. I walked in as this table of girls was waiting for their friend to come around the corner so they could yell "Surprise!!" lol. On the way home we stopped at this metaphysical shop to see if there was anything I wanted. There was :). It was in the pendulum section but it looks cool. It's a hand with rainbow beads running down. Not sure how I'm going to assemble it into anything wearable but I can figure it out for sure. Then we came home and were just together all night.
I think he is getting ready to leave :(. I really don't want him to but at the same time I know he can't live with my parents forever. He wants to save a little bit more before moving out so he can afford to live once he does move out. He's still gonna be over here all the time and I will be over there a lot as well. I can't wait.
Sometimes I can't believe that I'm with him. It seems like just yesterday we were 2 awkward kids and now... I have really found someone who makes me happier than I ever thought I could be. He's my best friend, my love, my snuggle buddy, my creative influence. He always makes me laugh and tells me I'm beautiful everyday. I absolutely love his company. I know you were scared for me at first (you weren't the only one), but I wish you could get to know him so you know for sure that he's not a complete jerk or anything.
Oh and I guess Geoff knows now. He got mad that he wasn't invited to my party. So he started accusing me of keeping this huge secret and then he saw some pictures. Honestly, yes it's a little weird for me to tell my best guy friend that I'm with someone else. And we did hook up for like a minute. But nothing serious happened and I felt like an asshole so I decided to keep things how they were before. And things just happened the way they did. I love Mark. And that's pretty much it. I think I always have. It was just one of those things I never thought would materialize plus I was trying to make things work with assholes who never actually wanted to be with me.
I'm gonna go for now... But I love you and I hope you feel better soon. Kisses!
Rita
9:54pm
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