May 7th, 2013

May 7th, 2013
11:52pm

Hey Chels,
Oh my damn! I am not sure what it is about this time of year but I have been so inspired to finish projects I've started. I've come to the conclusion that I'm going to publish our books first, then start typing up all my older stuff, but not worrying about the pictures. I just want everything I've worked on to be chronicled, and I think this month I'm going to start working on that and getting the books in order that I want to type up. I think I will leave some of the books as they are, or only type out the stuff that I want to from those books. What I'm really waiting for is for my mom to go through the linen closet and start throwing stuff away so I can store all of my notebooks in there. So I will have 2 copies. And the originals are going to stay here :). The published books will be coming with me whenever I move and when I finally finish my volume 20 I'm going to start on regular journals instead of 5 subject ones. Those I will keep doing for us :). So... That's the plan. I'm not sure if anybody else cares this much about their stuff. But I like how clean the books are and I just want to be able to preserve my stuff. And I want my kids or whoever finds my stuff to be able to pick up one of my books and actually be able to read what I've written. The originals will always be there, but the newer versions will be edited and cleaned up so you can actually read stuff. I really have no idea if i want to write an autobiography or anything, not sure I want my private thoughts read by other people. But, this is my contribution to my family, my life experiences, the way I perceived things. I think I will want to see where I am in another 10 years and then reevaluate. Plus... There's lots of cool stuff in my journals, but also a lot of repeating things and I want people to be able to follow exactly where my life went. A few times I repeated printing out poems I liked or random journal entries... So those don't really need to be reproduced.
I am pretty sure that if I wanted to save myself a million years of typing I could just scan the pages. I really need to stop saying I will do this and actually go to a Kinko's and see how much it would be to create an actual book from one of my journals. But we'll see. I know I've written about this before but... Now I see it more realistically and am okay with not having the pictures as long as I have a safe place to store the originals.
Anyway... I had something weird happen to me yesterday. I was going to turn my timesheet in when this guy walked into the building behind me. (he walked behind me into the building, lol sorry). He saw I was going upstairs and told me he could take my timesheet up with him. I said, "no, I'll do it myself," and I guess he ran up the stairs because he was there when I got out of the elevator and he said, "see? You're in here all the time." I'm just like... "okay bye." and I leave. Ugh it was weird!! I had never seen that man before in my life, and you know me. If I see someone, I remember them. I have been going to that office to drop my timesheet off since 2009 and I don't remember seeing that guy, ever. Then again, I don't look around much. But it creeped me out!
Also, I texted Joe today. I have no idea how he managed to do this, but he needs to pay $500 for something regarding his court stuff for his DUI and he doesn't have the money. He said it was a "baiid" but I have no idea what that is, could have been a typo for all I know. So, he needs that to drive to be able to go to work and since he doesn't have the money to pay for it he can't drive and can't go to work. Oooh the baiid is the breathalyzer. It stands for "breath alcohol ignition interlock device.".  I'm not sure but I think that this has something to do with his manic phase because I remember back in March he was spending a ton of money he didn't have. At least that's what he was doing instead of spending time with me and then sending me texts at 4am telling me he should have spent his time with me then acted like a completely different person 9 hours later. Thing is, I have the money. But he doesn't need to know that. And he never asked me for it, either. I know that he has to face whatever he's going through on his own and he would die before asking me for anything, much less $500. He hated me paying for dinner one time so I said he would get the next one. And now he's talking about he might go to jail for a while? Because of this mess. I dunno, man. He's not a bad person. He just made an error in judgement and now all of this is happening. But he doesn't want anyone's help in anything. He's not too prideful to ask for help, he just knows when he needs to accept the consequences of his actions. So... This year he stopped taking his meds, hung out with me for a while, and then went into this bought of depression, and then the manic hit and now he has no girl to hang with and still all these other problems. At least unlike my ex he wouldn't do any drug deals, so there is that lol.

I can't wait for tomorrow!! I think I am going to read a bit before going to my appointment and then read some more until I have my class. I think next week I will start studying again (trying not to take 4 months off again lol).

Alright... Olga Kay. Sleep. In that order.

Love!!
Me

12:41am
5/8/2013