1:35am
Dear Chels,
So, exactly one year ago today it happened. I was studying and got this weird text saying Barry was in jail. Ugh this is just bringing up all kinds of emotions for me. It's not like I am going to slit my wrists or anything. I'm just remembering how everything was. It still feels so raw, like it just happened. But I am so proud of the woman I've become.
So, this weekend turned out to be pretty great. Saturday I was supposed to go to my writing group but that ended up not happening because I felt like shit. I told Jason I had a cold (because I'm not going to tell him I'm on my period) and Joe ended up coming over and we spent the entire day together. He ended up spending the night, too. A couple of days before I said that I think it would be nice if we spent the night together, no messing around or anything, just so that we would get to see each other when we woke up. And it was really nice. I kept expecting my parents to come in, especially since I never even said anything about him coming over or anything. But they left us alone the entire time. My mom did mention that my dad now calls him my boyfriend. I just said that we were still just friends. Because we haven't had that discussion yet and as far as I know we decided to talk things out before anything big ended up happening. And right now we are both in agreement that things are going just fine right now. But I will admit that something weird might be going on. I dunno. Like.... He invited me over to Mike's for the Superbowl and I shut that idea down so he goes without me and he wrote something on his Facebook and I had been avoiding commenting on anything of his because of mike and sure enough, his brother writes something. Not mean or anything, just something. And then I didn't hear from him at all and he even let a text go unanswered which was a first for him. But the rest of the day was okay, we just talked and goofed around like always. But I dunno. I think from now on I'm just going to stay quiet and not say anything at all. Mike even took down the post he tagged me in because I never commented on it. I love having Joe in my life but I can tell it's going to be weird when it comes to mike. He's not even saying anything mean to me. It's just plain weird.
So, Sunday was so nice. I got to wake up with Joe right next to me and we just snuggled for a bit and then he had to go :(. At first I didn't want him to leave and I kept saying no lol. And then I said "okay, you can go now," and then he got up and got dressed and gave me a kiss and I walked him out to the door and watched him go. Then I had a Twilight marathon and took a bath and worked on nbs for a while. I've been working on that and studying every day. I think once the vagina monologues are over I'm gonna go back to working on my tarot cards. I don't want to give up on that.
So... I just want to get through this month and see where I'm at. I want to get through this next movie date with Joe, meeting Steve, and the play. I know Steve doesn't want to step on any toes so he will be good. But I also think that Joe is trying really hard not to be jealous or worried that anything might happen. I can tell he wants to be cool with it. Honestly though, I can't help that Joe and I started talking literally the day after steve told me his vacation was approved. And I can't help that I wanted steve around for Valentine's day. It was just the first holiday that popped into my head. But I can control myself, I'm not an animal lol. Steve has made it clear before that he isn't looking to have sex with me he just wants to meet me. And it's not even like I hear from him everyday. We got one more week to go and I've only heard from him once since he told me he was coming over here. So... I think I'll be okay. And I can't believe I was worried about that other guy. He was so nice but then he just kept freaking out about meeting me. That was so lame. And then made it seem like he just wanted me to hit on him, I think he was mad that I wasn't all over him.
I think he is officially over me though, I haven't heard from him in a long while. But... At least I tried.
So... I'm gonna get some sleep. Finally ready to pass the eff out. Love you!
Rita
2:09am
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