10:53am
Hey Chels,
So, it's now Thursday and we haven't spoken in almost a week, according to my phone. I sent you a text but you never responded so I have no idea if you even got it and frankly I'm kind of afraid to ask. I keep feeling as if I'm being punished for something and I don't even know what it is. The only thing I can think of is I'm being punished for following my heart. The thing I understand about friendships is that you feel so close to someone that you feel as if you're living vicariously through them, especially when it comes to the people they choose to surround themselves with. So I understand where you're coming from. But this is my path and I am the one who gets to say who stays and who goes. I'm never going to live up to your standards of how I'm living my life if you get mad at me for keeping certain people in my life. But I feel like it's not your place to decide, just like it's not mine to decide who you keep in your life. Please know that all these things that I'm saying I also turn around on myself in your life. I do want what's best for you but I can't make all your choices for you. I have to let you live your own life. If I'm lucky I will just be along for the ride.
I am hopeful that this will pass and we will be close like we were because I miss you. This just sucks for me. But in the end I want to come up with a solution that will make everyone happy so neither of us feel like we have to bite our tongue or that we have to keep a portion of our lives private. You were just saying how you were so glad we had no more secrets from each other. So this is why this whole thing is so surprising to me. At any rate...
I'm hoping I get a letter from you soon. All this suspense is killing me. But the good news is that I still get to tell you stuff, just has to be in here. So this is a recap of things you've missed:
Camping was a lot of fun. Although I miss Loth, I can't wait to see how much of my blogging I will get done by then and maybe I will start making some money by then as well.
I have to see how much money I have so I can pay my student loan and phone bill. Also, if I have enough left over I'm going to check out this massage exam website and see how that is.
Mark and I are doing really well (although I know at this point in time you don't care about this, I'm still going to write it). We have just been getting into the swing of things with his work and me trying to get all these notebooks done. I honestly can't wait until they are finished because oh my damn it will be an awesome sight to behold. I just can't wait until I can see that I've made all of these into books and they're all online as well in case anything happens to either copy.
Although my dad has been experiencing some side effects of this nerve blocking procedure that happened on Monday, he's been a lot better. I think all of this other stuff will go away soon and he will just continue to feel better. Although this is good news, I just can't believe all of the shit we have all been through between hospital stays, different issues, worries about pain meds, etc. So much stress over the well being of my dad and I'm so glad that something is being done finally.
I want so badly to know how things are going with you, besides all of this stuff about Mark. I hope that you can move to Indiana soon. You know, I don't know what Brian has against Bloomington, it's just a huge hippie town.
At any rate, I'm going to do what I need to for now and figure some stuff out about my bills so I can get all of that stress out of the way.
Love you,
Rita
11:24am
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