10:50pm
Hey Chels,
Well well what a weekend. For the most part I feel a little better but I am still coughing a lot. But my throat doesn't hurt so much anymore. Not like yesterday.
I have to tell you--it was so weird talking to Joe yesterday. First off, he has added me onto his Facebook and then taken me off of it various times throughout the years. I feel like he's scraping the bottom of the barrel and he apparently thinks he has a chance with me. I have no freaking idea why he thinks that but whatever. I've already decided it's not going to happen. His brother periodically stalks me and his sister hates me and I'm not subjecting myself to that garbage. I stayed in that relationship as long as I could and I did what anyone else would do when their boyfriend falls in love with another woman right in front of them. I left. And then all of a sudden I was the bitch. And in turn that made everyone else hate me, heather, Jess, even Rita's kids. Except Nichole. And if Rita could put the past behind her and see me as a real person and if Nichole knows that I will always be there for her, that's better than nothing.
But believe me.... I am not sleeping with Joe. Ever. Because I'm not having sex again until I'm in another relationship and I will never ever be in one with him. If not for the fact that his brother and sister are off the reservation, because he is an alcoholic. He's a weekend alcoholic, but still. It still counts. I'm not dating another addict. I'm done with those.
In other news, I think Mark finally gave up on me. I haven't heard a peep out of him since last Sunday. I'm glad though because honestly, it was beginning to be too much. But maybe I will text him tomorrow and at least say hi. I dunno. I never do that, lol.
I have this gut feeling that it will be a while before I talk with Larry because I feel like he's ashamed of himself. It's not an excuse by any means. I'm just saying, it's a hunch. He's ashamed of letting so much time go by again and he knows by now I've got to be a little pissed. I'm getting better though, I'm not so mad anymore. Doesn't mean I'm gonna let him get away with his shitty behavior. Just means that I'm done harboring anger. He knows he fucked up. I know he fucked up. We will have a conversation about it. But honestly, back in October, I know that when we were together I didn't think that we were a couple now or anything like that. I just thought we were starting over and he was going to make more of an effort to make me a part of his life. But he disappeared again and that really hurt, it was like he used me for sex, claimed that's not what he did and then just acted like nothing was wrong. But seriously... No matter what his excuse is this time... He broke promises to me. He hurt me and he used me. But I'm not the one who should be feeling like shit. He should be the one feeling like shit. He should be the one who knows he can't have me anymore and at this point I don't even know if I want to be friends with him. Who would treat a friend that way? I know I wouldn't.
Out of all the men in this world, I really felt like he was one of the good ones. But I have no idea what went horribly wrong. I'm not sure if we will bump into him on your birthday but I know where he goes on weekends when he can't go camping. So... If he's there we could just "pop in" lol.
At any rate, I'm gonna watch some more Gilmore Girls and then try and get some rest. I love you and I hope I get to do some stuff tomorrow besides nothing, lol.
Oh and I'm not going to worry about not having a boyfriend because now I have many Internet boyfriends, lol. Not really, but there are a bunch of people I met on this website that I'm not going to tell you the name of (sorry) and there's a lot of chatting and sexy story telling going around. I've met quite a few people and am having a bunch of fun. Don't worry, am only talking to people who can carry on a conversation and aren't mean. It's sexy and entertaining and I enjoy it :). I am still staying true to myself by not having sex with anyone until my next relationship but this one doesn't count because it's over the Internet and I'm not going to meet these people at any point in my life. Oh and apparently also I'm in a dom/sub relationship with a guy I met on Facebook, lol. I'm the Dom. But whatever, lol. I am pretty sure I need to start limiting my Internet time, lol. I promise that I'm not spending too long on the Internet, nor is it effecting my real life or relationships. But for right now I'm enjoying the attention because I'm not looking for it in real life. It's like getting attention without dealing with all the drama. Which I feel is something that I need right now.
Anywho, I'm gonna go for now. I love you!!
Rita
11:20pm
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