12:57am
Hey Chels,
Holy shit it has been way too freaking long since I've written in here. I guess I just wanted to make sense of things before bombarding the nb with all of my crazy head stuff. So.. Now it's August and Mark is still in jail. He was in Cook county for a little over a week and then got transferred to DuPage county. So, here is what happened. Kristin and Mark were fighting. They were fighting about me because she didn't even want me to come over there to pick him up. Well, he left but then realized he didn't have any cigarettes or even his phone so he goes back and he is knocking on the door for her to let him in and he can hear her say to the police that she has someone there who has warrants out. So he left and then got picked up. He spent the weekend in Boone county, then got transferred to Cook for a DUI he had in 2005, now he's in DuPage county for shoplifting that happened in 2007. I didn't even know he was back in Illinois cuz I was still in Florida with you at the time. But whatever. So, he might be getting out the 6th (which is Tuesday) or as late as the 30th. Which I don't get but whatever. I have no idea what is going on with the apartment in belvidere but I guess sooner or later I will find out.
For a few days I was just done with the whole thing. But I couldn't shake the feelings I still had for him. I know that this will be interesting more so than anything else for a while but he could be the One. I've loved him my whole life, Chels. I just really hope Kristin gets medicated or rehabbed or something because I'm not going anywhere.
So... That's pretty much it. I can't believe it's been a whole year since I've started my entries like this and I have yet to fill up a notebook. I have two that are just waiting to be filled up but I've had so many other things to focus on, I just haven't gotten around to it.
But... Today was great for something. Yesterday I listened to Mirrors for the first time since this whole thing happened, and today I walked around my neighborhood (it was weird but like... Ever since Mark was here and we walked around the neighborhood together, I felt like I couldn't walk around it myself). But I guess I'm getting over that. And I laid down with my window unlocked and wide open, which I haven't done for a very long time. Just cuz it reminded me too much of waiting for Larry to get here. But tonight it was so nice out that I didn't want to waste it and it helped get some fresh air in.
So.. I'm guessing I either find out tomorrow or Tuesday if Mark is getting out on Tuesday. If so I will pick him up, bring him over here and see about getting his stuff and all of that. He's not sure where he's staying yet so it might be with someone he knows or renting a room some place. I haven't told my parents the truth about where he's been but I do know that if he needed to stay here for a bit it would be okay. I'm okay with him telling the truth or just saying he needed to get away from Kristin, which is also the truth. Either way I still have my retreat next weekend so... He is free to stay here and use that time to find somewhere else he can stay for the time being. See?? I'm evolving. I'm helping him help himself instead of trying to fix his situation for him. I just have a feeling that things will get better once he's out and has a job and his own place (or at least a room) and is away from Kristin. Ugh. I didn't realize things were getting that bad. I mean, I knew they were but not like that. I just have no idea why she even gives a shit that much. Mark likes me. Get the fuck over it. You had your chance with him. You even had 5 more kids and married someone else. So... I'm pretty sure you can survive without him. But damn. Even though I knew I did nothing wrong, it was like walking into the Spanish inquisition everytime I saw her or spoke to her. I never did anything to her. But she violated both Mark's privacy and my own, has threatened me and thrown a hissy fit over nothing. I don't even know if her husband even realizes that she and Mark slept together, but I'm guessing not even though it would be on my mind if I was watching my wife get that pissed about someone else's relationship. Just saying.
I'm just glad he's out of there and hopefully soon he will be back with me where he belongs. I'm going to pee, watch some more Olga Kay vids and try and get some rest. Love you.
1:25am
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