3:34pm
Hey Lady!
How is your weekend going? Mine is going pretty well. Oh, before I forget, I haven't been ignoring you. I have been spending less and less time glued to my phone. Ever since Door County I've just felt like I don't need to have my phone on 24/7 and so I just leave it off for most of the day. My mom gets a little annoyed sometimes but I always answer people back when I turn my phone back on.
But anyways, so... it's almost May already. This time last year was so different. I was getting ready to see you (yay) and dating Barry (:/). Now I'm single and not even talking to Barry as a friend much less anything else. It's been 12 weeks today. Three whole months. And I feel like my whole life has changed. There was one point when all I wanted was for him to trust me. And now... I don't even remember why I felt that way. I know now I shouldn't have had to work that hard and I was right in feeling hurt when he stopped talking to me for 4 months.
There are probably a billion things about him I will never understand and it's unfortunate, but that's just how life goes sometimes.
I never ever once thought I'd have to deal with something like this. As much as I love Monique, sometimes I feel like even she doesn't understand me. We had this big conversation in Door County when I said it was wrong for Lady Gaga to openly admit to using pot to write songs. It sends out the wrong message for people of an impressionable age who hook up with her. I feel like in a way she was just trying to be open about her drug use but then Monique said that kids shouldn't look up to famous people to be role models. I thought that was pretty stupid considering 99% of kids look up to someone famous as a role model, especially when no one in their family is a good enough role model for them. But it just occured to me that maybe she was getting defensive because she smokes pot and she thought maybe I was judging her for it. You know... it doesn't really matter what someone's gateway drug is. I don't feel like it's the drug itself, I feel like the person who uses it is looking for an excuse for bad behavior if he/she can't handle his/her buzz. I think as much as I tried to be openminded about it in Barry's case, it was a bit much for me to handle and all his medical issues when in fact I really couldn't. And I also feel like he used it as a crutch to excuse his bad behavior so he could push me away. I still do think that heroin is an evil son of a bitch drug that needs to be done away with, though.
Okay... I'm getting kind of tired so I'm going to go for now.
<3,
me
4:38pm
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