Hey Chels,
Whee I am finally done with running around for a while so I can actually take some time out and just write. I have been so busy fixing up your last nb, running around with one or both of my parents, and studying that I haven't just been able to sit down with my thoughts and get them out of my head. When I'm actually talking to you I feel like I'm just unloading all of this crap onto you and I don't want to do that so most of what is actually going on with me will be put in here. That's the biggest reason of why there isn't anything else in here besides writing. It seems like there's so much to go through that not much else seems important right now.
Like... I feel bummed. And it's about my ex. Like--I do not by any means want to get back together with him. No fucking way. I would rather rub my entire body down with alcohol and then jump into a pool filled with razor blades then even so much as look at him again. But he's "back together" with his crazy exgirlfriend Jenelle and they're doing drugs together and it's just really fucking sad. The way he was with me--level headed and smart--and the way he is now--it's just a fucking tragedy. I kind of knew in the back of my mind that she would be the only girl who would take him back but I never thought he would want her. Just like I never thought he was capable of doing all of this to me. Do I even have a right to feel this way? I don't even know. It's like the whole Korey thing all over again. It's one thing to know something about someone and a completely different thing to see it with your own eyes. Like, I knew that korey felt like that but seeing him write all that shit hurt so much more. And I knew that Jenelle would take Barry back, but seeing them with matching clothes on really got to me. And now all this shit with Sarah. She ignores me for a month and a half now (exactly around the time Barry got out of jail) and is surprised when I call her out on her bullshit. And you know what? By telling her exactly how I felt, I was doing the mature thing. Not being honest with me at all and ignoring me until I get fed up is NOT mature at all. I just hope all this will go away soon because today is the only day I'm gonna let myself wallow in the garbage.
Well, I'm gonna work in your nb for a while, then go to dinner with Mark, then study.
Love you!
Rita
2:40pm
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