5:22pm
Hey Chels,
It is so beautiful out! And I got my pedicure. It's so pretty. But yeah... I just realized that I'm going to be single this summer. I'm not sure what makes it different than any other time since I've been single since February, but it's summer! I can go out and I don't have to worry about anyone or make shit up about where I'll be or what. Let me explain...
Summer 2008--you and I have a huge fallout, I ended up FINALLY breaking up with Brian and moved back here. Summer 2009 I was with Ryan and whenever I hung out with Geoff he'd get jealous. That was ALSO the summer I found out someone had messaged Brian with Ryan's work info...ugh. Summer 2010 I was still with Ryan and things were BAD. That was also the summer I met Matt and had stopped talking to Korey. And last summer my whole existance revolved around Barry. He had started using heroin and things had started getting crazy and just got progressively worse. But this year... I'm just going to live it up and do what makes me happy and I'm so glad that I don't have to feel guilty for hanging out with my friends or just doing what I want. Take that, stupid guys who have tried to own me. In your face!
Okay, done for now.
<3,
me
5:37pm
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6:02pm
hello again~
So... I think I'm FINALLY ready to write about my Indiana trip. After I wrote what I wrote, we finally got going. We were supposed to leave at noon to be there at 1pm but we ended up not leaving until 3pm. We didn't get there until after 4. I had fun hanging out and getting to meet everyone, but apparently there was a problem. Stephanie's best friend Trevor told her that he didn't like Matt, but he wouldn't give a reason for it. So Stephanie was pissed about that because she thought that Trevor should at least say why he didn't like Matt. So... we finally left around 10pm and Steph later confided in me that Matt had smoked ALL of her cigarettes. He was being a real ass that night, too. I was driving because both of them were drunk and he was hounding directions at me. For one, I was attempting to drive a car I had never driven before in a place I had never been to before and I kept trying to turn the music down but Steph kept putting it up so Matt's yelling didn't help. We also did manage to get some karaoke in but I wasn't thinking about the song I actually wanted to do so I picked one I never even attempted to practice and ugh it was awful! I'm still embarrassed by how awful it was. But oh well.
So... Matt kept saying he needed to talk to Stephanie about something but we were supposed to make a fire so I didn't think it would take that long but it ended up taking over an hour and THEN Steph had lost her phone so... needless to say I just got sick of it and went to sleep.
So... Sunday we were supposed to go back to Steph's place and go swimming but of course that didn't end up happening. Apparently Steph got a text from her friend saying the pool was too croweded so they were going to try for the next day, and Matt's mom's plans changed so he needed to stay at the house to take care of his mom's dogs (which was why we were there in the first place). So... we ended up watching Mel Gibson movies (yuck) and then FINALLY went to the store. Matt FINALLY made a fire but it was not a good one. It's so sad that he's 40, has done 2 tours of the US army, and can't build a campfire. Steph and I got a little time to talk, which was good.
Then FINALLY, Monday rolled around. We cleaned up the house (and by "we" I mean Steph and me) and then FINALLY left. We got to the pool around 3 or 4 and I could tell Stephanie was pissed off about something but she couldn't tell me what. She had gotten some bad news about her dad and the thing with Trevor was STILL bothering her, but I could tell that there was something else. She and matt (mostly Matt) had spent the entire day drinking and then we hung out at her friends' place for a while until about 10pm. Then the real drama started. Steph was pissed and wanted something to eat so Matt drove to Mcdonald's but I was the only one who got something to eat that I never even got to finish.
Then he took us to the beach but she wanted beer so he drove to the store but she didn't get any so we just drove back to his house and I guess she was okay to drive. We went to this bar, Main Event, where she just unleashed all this stuff on me of why she was so pissed. But then Matt started texting and calling her and eventually he just showed up. there was this guy sitting next to me at the bar and she just started talking to him just to piss Matt off. He was adorable but he was so drunk that when he would try and tell a story he would just take forever or not finish it. And when he had to leave he just got up and said, "okay I'm leaving now" and he shook my hand and wouldn't let go. I kept saying, "okay, bye," but he just stood there. He never asked for my number and I never gave any indication of wanting to give it. I kind of wish that I had given it to him but I bet he has already forgotten about me :(. But anyway--so...we ended up leaving the bar and dropping Matt off at home AGAIN.
6:49pm
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8:05pm
~hello again~
Ugh sorry. I just couldn't write anymore so I took a break and then took Snickers for a walk. So anyway...
It was after 3am and I was exhausted at this point but mostly I was starving and I know that Stephanie was hungry too so I took us to get some gas and then to Ihop. Steph kept asking wher Matt was and I had to keep telling her he was at home. She wanted me to pick him up but I said no. I was getting her food then taking us both to her place and that's exactly what I did. We ended up not going to sleep till 6am.
And there--that is the WHOOOOOOOOOOOLE trip. Phew.
So... I have really been thinking about something that I learned from the trip. Barry did a really shitty thing. I mean, to hurt me is one thing. I mean who am I? I'm nobody. But to shit on his entire family like that just goes beyond comprehension. Steph has known him since he was born and he saw what became of Chris's life. No family, no home, nobody to love him, no job, no respect, no anything. Everyone believed in Barry and he just blindsided everyone, and for what? Why did he choose to stoop to Chris's level? The thing I am failing to understand is that we're not talking about some 16 year old kid here who doesn't know any better. We're talking about a 28 year old man with an IQ of 139 who knows exactly what heroin does to people. That to me is just beyond comprehension. What would be so broken about a person that he would feel like lying to his dad WHO HAS CANCER is okay? And to not even care that he will never have Killer again? Obviously because he cares more about getting high than getting his life back. If he really wanted his name cleared he'd make more of an effort to come clean and get help than deny any wrongdoing. It's just so sad and breaks my heart that Stephanie not only lost Chris but as long as Barry keeps at this lifestyle, she's lost him as well.
Ugh--the stupid lady next door! She lets her cats out. Here is the problem: they get into my backyard and eat all the local wildlife. My mom had to have a talk with her and told her that she couldn't deal with the cats anymore. So for like 3 days she kept the cats inside. Well, I just saw one in my side yard so I know they're roaming around. She won't put a harness on them because THAT'S ludicrous but letting them roam around everywhere then trying to call them back like dogs is okay. WTF, lady?
Meh--sorry weird change in subject, I know. But I think I'm finally done with my journal dumping for the moment! Yay!
<3,
me
8:27pm
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Oh yeah I forgot--about the whole single thing. I still want to hold out as long as I can for Larry because I believe we had a good thing started. And also--I don't want to deal with anybody else right now. But I'm still 100% single and I'm not limiting myself to anything right now. I just don't want to deal with anyone else's crap for a while, is that so much to ask? lol
<3
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