7:03pm
Hey Chels,
I just got back from the hospital to see my dad. My aunt Lori actually came over as well. My dad was doing so much better but then he had some food and it made his head hurt. Poor guy. But hopefully he can go home tomorrow.
So... I have been thinking about this Larry thing a lot this weekend and I'm realizing a lot of things. I completely overreacted to him not being able to be there for me, for one thing. And also, I'm sort of expecting him to be the guy that was trying to cheer me up back in February. I'm pretty sure he was being sincere in what he was saying, but the truth is that I don't need to have him be up my ass anymore. I also didn't want him to be the one to "fix" me. And that's not how I want to start things off, if we both still want that. So... I'm just going to let him do what he's gonna do and I'm gonna do my own thing and maybe we'll end up together, maybe not.
I know you'd tell me not to worry about it, but you should know me better than that by now lol. I'm going to worry about it because that's how I am. I also feel like we had a fight and he doesn't even know about it. I never really explained to him about my ex not being there for me at all when my dad was sick so there's no way he could have known how much his not being able to be there for me really hurt me. So it's not even his fault at this point, just bad circumstances. Which is also why I feel like I need a break from him, just because of how much I overreacted over the whole thing.
Also, I am so sorry you have to bear witness to all the crazy inside my head right now. I wish everything could have been fine and i wasn't having all these boy issues. But--I guess it is what it is, right? Ultimately though I know that things will work themselves out and like I said before--I'm grateful that he is busy so he doesn't have time to be up my ass while I'm trying to just breathe for a minute. I'm pretty sure he still thinks about me--at least when he's in his car (considering as far as I know I'm the only girl he's ever had back there). So even if we're not flirting 24/7, I'm still somewhere in the back of his mind and that's enough for me. I do still want to see if this thing will go anywhere before completely giving up, though. But at the moment I'm enjoying being on my own. It's funny that most of the times I was in relationships I missed being single and now that I have a real shot at being single I'm missing it by not focusing on taking care of me enough :/.
<3,
me
7:27pm
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