2:42pm
Hey Chels,
Wow, I've had this thing for 5 months and 2 weeks and I'm just NOW finishing the second chapter and moving onto the third. Even I am starting to fail as an NB partner. I am going to finish up typing vol 7 (yours), finish vol 8 (mine) and after I'm done typing THIS one up, I'm going to send you volumes 8 and 10. Hopefully you won't wait FOREVER, but maybe I can turn it into a really awesome birthday present for you. I think that's more realistic than the other thing I was gonna try and do, although I should get reprints of those pictures in the 2 albums you sent me.
So anyway, I have been thinking a lot lately of asking Larry a pretty huge question. I'm not even sure if I WANT to ask him this, but I feel like I NEED to. I just want to know if he sees whatever is going on between us as going somewhere. It's not even anything that he's done or is doing wrong and I actually really like where we're at right now which is friends but a little more than that with the potential of moving forward. But like, just because I see it that way doesn't mean that he does and after my last relationship, I want things to be crystal clear. I mean, I think of him as a potential boyfriend but I really have no clear idea if he even thinks of me as a potential girlfriend. I'm still debating on whether or not I want to have this conversation through text or in person--I guess it really depends on if we will be able to see each other on Tuesday and if I really want to wait until the next time we see each other and I don't know exactly when THAT will be. I should also make it clear that the purpose of the conversation won't be whether or not I have a boyfriend. I just would like to see where his head is at.
I didn't start out liking him, it just sort of happened that way. And right now I like being single and I'm happy where I'm at. For the first time since everything happened in February, I don't feel like I want to fast forward my life. I got people who care about me, I have hobbies and my dad to keep me busy, and there's not a lot of time to actually "feel" lonely. I also have a great family who drives me nuts but I love them just the same. I know that this is the break the universe has wanted for me to start taking care of myself. And for the first time in 10 years, I'm doing my OWN thing for once. I'm not sure how much longer I'll be single for, especially after I have this conversation with Larry, but I'm gonna enjoy every minute of it. I think it's a mixture of wanting to wait for Larry and all the bullshit I've been through recently, but I'm just not interested in sex or cuddling or anything with just anyone. I wasn't even really worried about it until stupid Ernesto basically told me he's keeping me around because he wants to have sex with me. And then this other guy who seems nice but then after I tell him exactly what happened and he STILL asks if he can come over. So I guess I'd like to know what the one guy I actually DO like thinks about things. Lol. So that at least ONE guy is still going to be a gentleman and not just try and sleep with me and then leave or be a complete dumbass. The problem with texting is that he doesn't always answer me back so that's why I kind of would like to wait until the next time we see each other. The problem with THAT is that he only has 1 night off a week and he's not always free. But at least it's the weekend so I don't have to REALLY worry about this until Monday. My first instincts tell me that duh he does like me (not just as a friend) and he's waiting for me to approach the subject because he doesn't want to seem too pushy or scare me away. I don't want to push anything either, that's kind of why I haven't brought it up. I don't need him to declare his love for me or anything, just where he sees this potential thing going. I'm okay with taking it however slow as it needs to go. But honestly I kind of do hope that he does see it going somewhere because I really like him and being with him makes me really happy. So... hopefully by Monday I will know which way I'm going to go. I'll do it by text if I don't have another choice but I'd really like it to be in person.
<3,
me
3:38pm
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