April 26th, 2012

April 26th, 2012
11:17pm

Hey Chels,
Hey!  I would have written sooner but I've been sick.  I still am but getting better.  I think it was the extreme weather change plus allergies that did me in.  The only thing that really sucks is that I constantly feel like I have to sneeze.

So... you told Erica about Rich.  Well, didn't exactly TELL her but you told the truth when it came out.  I for one think it was a pretty shitty thing for him to admit to doing.  Like... who is this girlfriend of his that would continue dating him even though he openly admitted to cheating on his girlfriend with her best friend?  Sure, that sounds like someone I'd like to date.  Is he THAT good in bed?  Ugh.  But anyways...
Even though you could have said no but you didn't, it's not like it was your idea.  Honestly, only you know why you went through with it.  But I'm not here to judge you or try and "fix" you.  That was last year and you've been through a lot since then.  But even though Erica is a complete moron, the important thing is that you forgive yourself.  You have a man who loves you now and he doesn't care who you slept with before him.  All he cares about is you.  And I hate to even say this but people tend to do things in patterns so if he was cheating on someone with Erica and on Erica with you then he's prolly cheating on his new gf with her bff, too.  Just seems like he can't be trusted at all.

So anyway, even though I've been sick this week, it hasn't been so bad because I've been able to eat all my Door County leftovers this week.  I also went to my group on Monday and also learned that my ex got indicted.  Now, a court has 3 years to indict someone.  His full charge is "unlawful possession of a controlled substance," which I learned that under a gram can get you up to 3 years in jail.  Being indicted doesn't automatically mean a person is guilty.  It just means that it went before a grand jury (24 people, not just 12), and they all heard the evidence to charge him with a crime.  Now... in order for that to happen, a person has to be doing this crime for a while, not just once.  And according to Stephanie, he told her he had been selling for at least 2 months.  so the cops could very well have known that I was there and something very bad could have happened.  I am BEYOND thankful that nothing happened to me when I was over there.

Putting this all together in my head makes me thank God everyday for protecting me.  I distinctly remember sitting outside waiting for him feeling like I was at a stakeout because of all the time it took him to get ready.

The sad thing is, there's nothing I can do for Sarah.  She stopped talking to me the day he got out and she believes everything he is telling her.  I might just be paranoid but I have a feeling that she might think it's too hard to be friends with both of us and she might choose him over me.  Sad thing I already know he's just going to end up breaking her heart.  Yeah, he's been there for her in the past but she's never done this to anyone.  I get why she feels like she needs to stick by him but I feel like he knows she would and is using her.  He's already used at her house more than once and took money from her, I mean why would she believe that George was lying about the money when he took $100 from her?  Was Stephanie lying too?  Or me for that matter?  George may be a big fat stick in the mud but I really think that at the same time he was being truthful.  I just think he disappeared because he's a pussy that can't deal with confrontation.
The only thing I can really do though is just wait for the truth to come out.  It makes me sad but she was his friend first even though I gave her a chance when no one else would, but whatever.
I think it's smart for me to put up my walls whenever it comes to her, too.  Cuz who knows what she's going to believe and for all I know he probably is telling her not to trust me.

Meh... I'm so sick of all this crap.  It's making me so paranoid and I hate it.  I hope that the truth does come out so she can see for herself what a liar he truly is.  And with that, I've exhausted myself.

<3,
me

April 27th,
2012
12:00am