January 17th, 2013

January 17th, 2013
11:04pm

Hey Chels,
I can't believe it's that time of year again. I can't believe it's been 7 whole years since Joe died. I still miss him everyday. But I think he'd be proud of me. At least I'd like to think so.

Well, I feel a lot better than I did last week. I still can't believe I am going to hang out with Mike's brother on Saturday. It should be okay. This whole week has just been weird. Mike (the one I met last week) has hardly spoken to me since we met. I know he knows I'm sick and everything but he didn't say anything about meeting me or anything. It's just plain weird. After he was on me about meeting me last week. Like what the hell, this is why you're still single.
And then Larry.... Like he just wanted me to understand that he was going through a lot the past couple months. I'm like... I do understand and I hope you understand that I'm not having sex with you anymore. Lol. Just think... He could lose me to my exboyfriend's brother, lol. Although I don't see that happening. We can be friends, but that's really all I'm looking for at the moment.

Also, omg I have missed notebook stuff!!!!! I think tomorrow I'm gonna try and get back into it, at least maybe a little bit.

Everytime I see you holding up nbs I can't wait to read it! I am so glad to be sharing this experience with you and I really believe this was our destiny. To make books and inspire creativity in one another.

Anyhow, I'm gonna lay down for now. I love you!
Rita Bo bita

11:14pm

January 13th, 2013

January 13th, 2013
10:50pm

Hey Chels,
Well well what a weekend. For the most part I feel a little better but I am still coughing a lot. But my throat doesn't hurt so much anymore. Not like yesterday.

I have to tell you--it was so weird talking to Joe yesterday. First off, he has added me onto his Facebook and then taken me off of it various times throughout the years. I feel like he's scraping the bottom of the barrel and he apparently thinks he has a chance with me. I have no freaking idea why he thinks that but whatever. I've already decided it's not going to happen. His brother periodically stalks me and his sister hates me and I'm not subjecting myself to that garbage. I stayed in that relationship as long as I could and I did what anyone else would do when their boyfriend falls in love with another woman right in front of them. I left. And then all of a sudden I was the bitch. And in turn that made everyone else hate me, heather, Jess, even Rita's kids. Except Nichole. And if Rita could put the past behind her and see me as a real person and if Nichole knows that I will always be there for her, that's better than nothing.
But believe me.... I am not sleeping with Joe. Ever. Because I'm not having sex again until I'm in another relationship and I will never ever be in one with him. If not for the fact that his brother and sister are off the reservation, because he is an alcoholic. He's a weekend alcoholic, but still. It still counts. I'm not dating another addict. I'm done with those.

In other news, I think Mark finally gave up on me. I haven't heard a peep out of him since last Sunday. I'm glad though because honestly, it was beginning to be too much. But maybe I will text him tomorrow and at least say hi. I dunno. I never do that, lol.

I have this gut feeling that it will be a while before I talk with Larry because I feel like he's ashamed of himself. It's not an excuse by any means. I'm just saying, it's a hunch. He's ashamed of letting so much time go by again and he knows by now I've got to be a little pissed. I'm getting better though, I'm not so mad anymore. Doesn't mean I'm gonna let him get away with his shitty behavior. Just means that I'm done harboring anger. He knows he fucked up. I know he fucked up. We will have a conversation about it. But honestly, back in October, I know that when we were together I didn't think that we were a couple now or anything like that. I just thought we were starting over and he was going to make more of an effort to make me a part of his life. But he disappeared again and that really hurt, it was like he used me for sex, claimed that's not what he did and then just acted like nothing was wrong. But seriously... No matter what his excuse is this time... He broke promises to me. He hurt me and he used me. But I'm not the one who should be feeling like shit. He should be the one feeling like shit. He should be the one who knows he can't have me anymore and at this point I don't even know if I want to be friends with him. Who would treat a friend that way? I know I wouldn't.

Out of all the men in this world, I really felt like he was one of the good ones. But I have no idea what went horribly wrong. I'm not sure if we will bump into him on your birthday but I know where he goes on weekends when he can't go camping. So... If he's there we could just "pop in" lol.

At any rate, I'm gonna watch some more Gilmore Girls and then try and get some rest. I love you and I hope I get to do some stuff tomorrow besides nothing, lol.

Oh and I'm not going to worry about not having a boyfriend because now I have many Internet boyfriends, lol. Not really, but there are a bunch of people I met on this website that I'm not going to tell you the name of (sorry) and there's a lot of chatting and sexy story telling going around. I've met quite a few people and am having a bunch of fun. Don't worry, am only talking to people who can carry on a conversation and aren't mean. It's sexy and entertaining and I enjoy it :). I am still staying true to myself by not having sex with anyone until my next relationship but this one doesn't count because it's over the Internet and I'm not going to meet these people at any point in my life. Oh and apparently also I'm in a dom/sub relationship with a guy I met on Facebook, lol. I'm the Dom. But whatever, lol. I am pretty sure I need to start limiting my Internet time, lol. I promise that I'm not spending too long on the Internet, nor is it effecting my real life or relationships. But for right now I'm enjoying the attention because I'm not looking for it in real life. It's like getting attention without dealing with all the drama. Which I feel is something that I need right now.

Anywho, I'm gonna go for now. I love you!!
Rita

11:20pm

January 11th, 2013

January 11th, 2013
10:26pm

Dear beautiful goddess,
Hello, gorgeous!! How are ya? I feel like complete and utter crap. But I had quite the day so I had to write about it.

So, as you know I met Mike today. But what you don't know is all of the drama that went into it. First off, he asks me what I'm doing today. I tell him that I have to take my dad to the chiropractor at 3:30 but I will be home after. He asks if I want to meet for coffee and I say sure and everything is peachy.
But then, my mom calls me and tells me that she had to take her car in and I needed to drive her to work. So, I drive her to work. And when I get back, I get this text from Mike saying, "so you'll be there at 3:30" and I'm like, "no that's when my dad's chiropractor appointment is" and then he's like "oh forget it then." and we had this back and forth thing until he finally said to text him when I got home. So... Miraculously, the appointment didn't run long at all. Only half an hour. I still had time to get to the car place to pay for my mom's car and get her keys and then take my dad home before meeting this guy at the Starbucks.
We sat and talked for like an hour and then after I was done with my drink he asked if I was ready to go and I said yes because I needed to pick my mom up at 7. And then I was the one who said that to let me know if he wants to hang out again. It was just... A little weird. First with him being so dramatic about meeting at all today, then with him just leaving. I was sick though so I wasn't about to try and give him my cold so I understand that. But the rest was just.... Very strange. I'm not sure if it was because he might be getting sick as well but his voice made him sound like he might be gay. I'm not trying to be homophobic by any means, it just sounded like how guys talk when they're gay.
I'm glad that I went though, he seems like a good guy and polite, he waited until I was done with my drink and then opened the door for me which was very sweet. I just didn't feel what I usually feel in order to date someone. But... Maybe I found a new friend or something. Which is cool, I wouldn't mind hanging out with him on a friendship level.

I also.... Forgot what I was going to write, lol. Oh yeah. I also told my mom about Steve coming here. She asked if he was a friend or a boyfriend and I said he was just a friend. And I told him that I made a promise to myself not to have sex again until I was in a relationship and he said that he wasn't driving 900 miles to have sex with me, he just wants to hug his best friend of 12 years. I was like... Awww :). I just can't wait to finally meet him. You know... Now that I met Mike, I don't think I have to worry about it interfering with Steve's trip. Plus... Now that we met he can stop bugging me to meet him lol. That was also something weird. He must have asked me 3 times this week if we could meet and I finally say yes and then this drama happens.

One thing is for sure.... I'm thankful to this chance of actually dating around and making a decision for myself than just diving head first into something. Maybe there is something about this dating thing, lol.

Anyway, I'm gonna take my night time meds so I can (hopefully) sleep. Love you!

Daisy

10:53pm