2:54am
Ugh. I am still awake because I’m downloading music onto my MP3 player for the party tomorrow. They better fuckin’ play it too and not just Nicole’s CDs cuz I took music off I <3 for them. Mainly so I could fit stuff on but also so they wouldn’t be all WTF does this bitch listen to? Don’t worry, I left stuff on there I couldn’t part with. So, today turned out ok I guess. My friend Ayesha kept me company at my cash register for most of the day. I hate being alone all the time at the cash wraps, you know? 4 registers at every cash wrap, so give me some fuckin’ company! Customers weren’t too bad today, either. Sometimes customers can be pretty dumb but usually I find I like all of mine.
I stayed to help clean, and I didn’t have big problems so that was a plus. Lol. What else? Well, Ruth agreed to switch schedules with me next Saturday so that was cool cuz now I can go to her son Ryan’s b-day party. =). Ugh I feel like I’m gonna puke. =(. I hate nausea.
When I wake up, here’s how my day is going to go:
--Stuart Marine Flea Market and I hope not all day because not only do I feel like shit and I am on the period, but I have shit to do.
--come home, dye my hair
--while processing the hair, bake my cake!
--while cake is in oven, rinse hair/shower
--take cake out of oven and while it cools, style hair
--frost cake
--dress/makeup
--walmart for beer and ashtrays (seriously, these boys need ashtrays, it’s ridiculous. They are using a coffee mug from a gas station, and a tackle box or something for God’s sake!)
--Party! Leanne, Nicole, Justin, Dave, Daniel and <3 Dan <3 are going to be there. So I will have a lot of people to talk to not to mention new people. I should be alright but they want to play poker and beer pong and I’m not really feeling either of those. Lol. I just wanna make a good impression but maybe I just care too much as always. I think I wish I was a different person. I expect too much of others, too much of myself--yet not enough of myself. I know you said I’m a great catch and all (thank you by the way). I guess it’s just hard for me to see that when I’m still married, not driving, living with my dad, and working a shitty job--not saving money. It makes me not want to meet anyone. I think I may have written all this before.
Everyone seems to think Dan and I are going to hit it off and be all amazing and everything. I don’t want to be disappointed yet again. Everyone--including me--thought that David and I would hit off as well--look how THAT turned out. {why anyone would think that David would be a good catch for anyone is beyond me.} Lmao what if he’s worrying about all this too? I mean, I don’t think he is cuz he’s just going for the party I think, like he could care less if I’m there or not… but him worrying gives me peace of mind for now. Haha. I should just go and act like I forgot he’d be there. Lmao ugh why does this all have to be so complicated? It doesn’t! I’m going to stop worrying and enjoy myself!
So there. I’ve decided that on Monday, after I write about the party, I will do my dreams, then show you some new poems, then tell you all the whole story about Mark. I’m writing as fast as I can but I am so afraid I’m going to run out of time. :(. So I must have lots to tell you and fill these pages up. I’ll figure it out. I always do in the end. I know I’m writing you a list of what pix are what on the memory card. So that will take up some room considering we’re on like, number 400 and something haha. Plus, I can do some ideas in the idea nb if I need to. See? I fuckin’ worry too much lmao about EVERYTHING! Oh,* <~~~~ reminding myself to tell you about my parents’ fight.
For now, goodnight and sweet dreams. Love you. Wish me luck with Dan tomorrow and the rest of my life lol.
<3,
star
(our lives!) haha.
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9-19-10
3:45pm
Well, the marine flea market was fun, but really exhausted me. We got these cute nautical figurines so I’ll be setting up a display with sand somewhere in the house. We stopped at Walmart and got a mirror for my bathroom and beer. I couldn’t find a cake carrier or ashtrays though. so, we went to Goodwill where I had a panic attack. Just too many people! So, now I’m going to get started on my cake. Just wanted to write. Might write more before party. Love you.
<3,
star
Oh cake how I love thee, please turn out beautiful and scrumdiddlyumptious! Ok, my hair is colored and rinsed, and I’m showered. The cake is in the oven, almost… ah brb!... five more minutes… God Idk if it’s going to turn out any good. My dad talked me into layer cake Idk if it’s enough to make a 2nd layer but we’ll see. I am cramping so bad now. No fair! =( I took Ibuprofin but when everything is ready, I’m considering a small nap. I can be late! Right?
<3,
Star
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