9/20/10

9-20-10
6:40pm

I am finally out of bed and functioning normally(ish).  I really hate that I got so drunk though.  Oh man.  So here’s how the party went.
I got there around 8, 8:30.  My cake looked beautiful and I wish now that I’d brought it home.  There were only six of us in total: Leanne, Daniel, Dave, Justin, Nicole and me. My paranoia wonders if it was planned this way.  I hate that I always suspect people of having alterior motives.  Anyway, Nicole, Lean, Daniel and I did a line dance.  For the rest of the night we mainly talked and wrestled.  Then we ate at like 10, and then played two rounds of beer pong.  The first round was fine but they all wanted to do shots instead of beer.  I knew it was a mistake to do that and I said no at first but then I said to hell with it--mainly because no one was there for me to impress.  So rules of beer pong say when you lose, you have to drink the other teams’ leftover drinks as well.  So Leann doesn’t want to play cuz she had to drive home and couldn’t drink anymore.  So I stupidly agree to drink her beer and shots as well as mine if she would stay.  It figures the first drink I’d have would be a shot.  It was Leann’s.  *sigh* After that, I refused to drink her shots anymore.  I think after that, I even refused to drink the other team’s also.  I did have a sangria while I ate my cake.  I cried because I think I was overwhelmed Dan didn’t come, and Melissa wrote this long Facebook message… I don’t really remember what it said now but if I could ever get my fucking computer to work, I’d read it and tell you.  But noooo my computer is being an asshole.  Anyway, so I came home around 12:30 or 1am, tried to go online but I was too drunk.  I fell out of the chair, turned the computer off and went to bed.  Next thing I know, I was throwing up.  I’m glad I had you texting me today it made me feel better so thank you.  I realized I left my camera at Dave and Dan’s house.  Hope I get it back soon.  Ugh, I have to clean the kitchen again from dinner.  That sucks so much.  I’m so glad I took a shower.  It’s amazing how much better a person feels after a hot shower!  You know, the last time I got this sick from drinking was a little over a year ago at Devin’s house.  Erin, Dev, David 2.0 (I will explain him when I explain Mark), Beth and Jason (some old friends) and I were partying.  I was on my period then too.  I was so drunk, I was throwing up on the driveway--it was awful. But Devin took amazing care of me!  That’s one of the reasons I liked him so much. He was a mess, but he had such a good heart.  In some ways, he actually reminded me of Ryan.  i guess I really do always root for the underdog.  Lol, you told me that once.  I’m not sure why Dev and I didn’t work out.  David is the main reason why.  He really did his best to come in between Devin and me.  I think in the end, Dev just got tired of dealing with it and decided I wasn’t worth it.  We stayed friends, but then one day, he just packed up and shipped out for La, Cali!  He never even said goodbye.  But whatever, he wasn’t good for me anyway.  He’s an alcoholic and a pill popper.  Plus he’s still hung up on his ex fiancee-- or he was anyway.
*sigh* It upsets me that I get stuck with jerks and guys going nowhere.  The good guys don’t want me.  I mean I know that you’re thinking this Dan guy is no good since he makes no effort--but I really do think he was good.  Just too busy for a relationship.  But man, he has a good job, he works hard, and a sweet personality so I thought “finally.”  But oh well.  I’m not investing any more time on him--or anyone for that matter.  I don’t need a man, I need to get on my feet.  Finish my divorce, drive, and get a good job--that’s what I need.  A man doesn’t complete or fulfill me--they only cause me problems and stress. I’m better off with animals.  It was nice for Dan E. to text me today but I bet his was only humoring me.  He said he’d text me later.. luckily I didn’t get my hopes up.  I knew he wouldn’t follow through.  Men never do.  I’m embracing my single life now.  I mean, technically I have done that for 2 years now but I am just really turned off to men now.  Alright, so I’m going to step off my soap box now lol.
Hmmm… maybe I will tell you all about the whole Mark thing now.  I think I will.  Since my computer doesn’t work, I may as well be useful and write in the notebook now.  Lol.  It starts at Lantana Ale House for karaoke (it was where I was every Saturday night.  Same place I bumped into Brian).  I ran into this guy named David and we started talking.  Erin came out and realized she knew him from school. Then they ended up “liking each other” so all I heard about for months was David.  We dubbed him David 2.0 because Erin’s ex as well as mine were also David and it got confusing very fast.  So we started hanging out a lot with him and he’d come over and hang out.  He was a lot like Devin and they got to be good friends also.  Before you know it, Erin was “falling in love” with David 2.0… I don’t know why cuz I thought he was an idiot.  But who am I to judge?  Look at all the idiots in my life.  Lol.  Anyway, so this went on for a while and then next thing I know is Erin’s calling me and telling me that she was drunk and David 2.0 had pushed her and his brother, Mark, together.  They had sex and she was really upset about it at first.  Well, then she finds out that David 2.0 got Erin w/Mark so that David 2.0 could try and get with her cousin, Kristin.  {Note: erin has a lot of resentment over Kristin because this happens a lot.  Guys Erin likes, like Kris.  Kristin has even dated a few of them.  Of course Erin likes nearly every guy she meets too so… pffft.}

He wrote her a love letter and everything.  So Erin was really upset then.  But I guess she got to know Mark more and they ended up liking each other.  She brought him to karaoke for his b-day and they were both really drunk.  They basically made out the whole night in front of everyone but when they weren’t sucking faces off, he was pretty cool to talk to.  It wasn’t too long before Erin was “in love” with Mark too.  Again, they weren’t seriously together but we all thought it was headed in that direction. Next thing I know is, he’s packed up and shipped off to Fort Myers, Fla.  I don’t really remember why but I think it was to get his life straight.  This guy is 29 (30 next month) and he’s been separated from his wife for several years and she won’t let him see his children, I think cuz he has a record?  I’m not sure to be honest.  So, he moves to Fort Myers and meets this girl, this 19 year old bitch named Andy, and totally ditches Erin for her.  Well, Erin was totally broken hearted.  She wasn’t eating or anything.  Then “New Moon” came out and suddenly she was Bella and Mark was her Edward and she was having nights where she screamed like Bella did.  Then she met Ryan and dubbed him her Jacob.  I don’t know why because Ryan was never in love with Erin.  He wouldn’t date her, either.  Anyway, so earlier this year, Mark came back from Fort Myers because Andy had taken everything he had and left him high and dry.  Well, Erin wanted to be with him but she kept throwing Andy in Mark’s face. I told her it was going to push him away.  He finally told her she needed to stop also.  I gave him a little grief over it when he came to see me, but Erin told me to let it go--so I did.  We had a lot of fun that night--and Mark and I really clicked again.  He teased me about my disorganized bathroom, and we debated a lot about things.  he told me then that he liked me because we could have debates like that.  Erin gave me permission to explain the whole Edward/Jacob thing to him.  I guess she told him about Ryan.  anyway, I don’t think it helped her case any for him to know why he was her Edward.  I think all he cared about was finally knowing why she kept making Twilight references.  So, anyway, she kept trying to be in a relationship with him, and he kept telling her, politely, he didn’t want to be in one.  He found out from Erin about my affair with Grant and he lectured me on it.  He was even upset about it.  Well, somehow Mark ended up in jail not long after that.  I’m not sure of all the details but I know it involved some kind of theft from Home Depot.  He wasn’t directly involved but he was an accomplice. So, Erin is now getting sick of him screwing up and she tries to get in a relationship with Ryan. Ryan makes it crystal clear that he’s not looking for a relationship.  Well, Mark gets out of jail in the nick of time.  He and Erin come hang out with me and again we have good talks.  He was thinking of moving back to Fort Myers again to “straighten out his life” but he ended up staying here for David 2.0.  So, both him and Ryan come to Erin’s 27th b’day party.  It was such a crazy night.  Erin got smashed and kept saying how this party was better than the last one I threw for her.  Everyone was getting naked or topless, girls were making out with girls and yes that includes me.  Erin and Christen kissed me and trust me I enjoyed neither!  So I left the pool area and went to get more alcohol and Mark came with me.  We dropped it off and then left again for something else.  While we were gone, Erin later told me that everyone was making comments about what Mark and I were doing, and erin was getting upset.  What no one knew was that Mark and I were driving around in the golf cart just talking.  We ended up talking about how well we clicked and he admitted to me that he’d always liked me more than Erin and how he’d been attracted to me.  I told him I felt the same way but nothing could come of it because of Erin.  We agreed not to tell her.  We went back to the pool but we got kicked out by a rent-a-cop.  At one point that night, I was topless and Mark had his hand on one boob, and one hand on Erin’s boob.  Ryan also had one hand on my other boob and his other hand on Erin’s other boob.  Eric took a picture, and then Erin moved.  However, Mark and Ryan left their hands on my boobs for like 5 more minutes.  It was weird. So anyway, Chris and I went to get his car so we could take the alcohol home.  It was in a box and didn’t want to carry it because it was about to break at the bottom.  So we left to get the car.  However, while we were gone, Mark decided to play macho man.  He picked up the box to carry it and sho’ ‘nuff the box broke through…
I’m going to end for the night here.  It’s 12:30am and I’m tired of writing.  Love you,
Goodnight.

Love,
Star