September 4th, 2008

September 4th, 2008
9:46pm

Well, I've been home since Saturday.  It's been really nice.  I'm still talking to Ryan... he says he's been kind of a slut since I've been gone.  I have to laugh at that cuz it's funny.  Even if I would have stayed, it would have been a mess.  Besides... I dunno if it would have been serious. That is really the last thing I need.  Yeah, I miss him... but I guess it's natural. It's mostly I miss being with someone who's not my crazy boyfriend.  I just hope whatever he's doing and whoever he's doing it with--he's safe.
I hung out with Jenne Lennon and Jen Gancarz on Monday night.  It was so nice to see them.  And I saw Mike yesterday (Wednesday) night but only for a little bit.  Not my ex, another one.  It was nice to see him in person finally. I dunno if things will go anywhere with him and right now I could really care less about it.  Not looking for a new boyfriend or a rebound.  But the good news is he doesn't drink or smoke.  So... whatever. I haven't even seen Geoff yet.

I am still not really over Brian, but I never cry.  I don't hold it in, I just never get the urge to.  I worry about the utilities getting shut off or him not eating, but that's about it.  It's nice to not have to worry about anyone besides myself.  I had forgotten what that felt like.  And I wanted this for so long.  I missed being single.  I didn't miss it so much until last year when the whole pot debacle started.  See he never realized that his actions had severe consequences.  I always felt like a roommate or a mother until the day the decision was made for me when I spent the night with another man -- who, by the way, is NOT saving himself for me --.

I'm gonna take it slow though with whatever guy I decide to spend my time with.  Just cuz I'm single doesn't mean I have to have sex with just anyone.  Even Ryan wasn't just anyone.

I have a feeling that Brian will at least attempt to kill himself by the time the month is over.  But only because he'd rather end his life than face responsibility.  Shit I gotta move my car.

<3,
me

10:16pm