September 23rd, 2010

Sept 23rd, 2010

Hey Chelsea!
wow... I cannot believe how much I've written in here already and I've only had this thing since Tuesday.  I thought about skipping tonight but then I looked at my countdown and I only have 34 days until my birthday so I can't slack off just yet.  I can't wait to get the notebook.  Not just the notebook but my photo albums as well.  The last time I stopped talking to you I sort of had to make peace with the fact that I might never see those pictures again but it just doesn't seem fair that I have all these other photo albums filled with people who are either dead or not speaking to me anymore, and the one person I can actually stand (you) has my best memories tucked away somewhere.  I am so glad that we started talking again.  All the other times I pushed you away I mainly just felt like if we weren't close you couldn't hurt me again.  I really wanted to have you in my life again after we started talking again the first time (I had just gotten home and you were still in GA).  I was still fighting the feelings I was having for Ryan and it felt weird talking to both of you and not being able to tell you.  I know I would have eventually but I didn't know how things were going to go between him and I so I didn't want to say anything for no reason.
Anywho... I really have missed you.  There were times when I wished I could have said something to you.  That's why I finally did on Mother's Day.  I had no idea what would happen--I wasn't even sure if you even wanted to be friends with me again or if I even wanted to be friends with you.  But I'm really glad that I did send that card to you.
I read that poem you wrote about Erin.  it was very nicely written.  She might have been your bff for the past 2 years, but that's nothing compared to the amount of time you and I have known each other and been friends.  When we stopped being friends, it took me a long time to even consider someone else as being anything remotely close to being a best friend.  It really opened my eyes as to what sort of people I even wanted to hang around with.  I ended up reconnecting with older friends and making some new ones, but that of course does not compare to how I felt about you.  I guess I could see why someone would say I was in love with you.  But for me... you were like my soul sister.  That's why it was so hard to let you go.
Holy shit it's after 4am.  I ran out of my simply sleeps and I have tried going to sleep but I just can't.  I stayed up reading for a while, but I wanted to finish this letter before I went to sleep.  I think I am going to try and relax.  I don't want to have to use sleeping pills to help me sleep for the rest of my life.  Alright...I love you! And I hope youre having better luck at this sleeping thing than I am right now. Oh!  I figured out what to get my dad for Christmas.  I am going to make a memory box for him and Snickers... I am going to take him outside and get him to take pictures and get them printed and put them in a cute photo album.  I also saw a pet journal at Borders... I have no clue if he will use it but I will nag him until he does, haha.
Okay... now I am REALLY going to sleep.  G'night!
<3,
Rita Bo Bita
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
*same day*
10:02am

Hey, Chels!
Ugh I am so freaking tired right now.  I actually had no problems going to sleep but mr Turtleface decided to wake me up at 9am.  Which means I got a whopping 5 hours sleep.
When he was tinier he didn't make as much noise I guess.  But he does calm down when I pay some attention to him.  Which is nice but I can't do that 24/7.  I'm gonna see if I can find a place for him where he can run around and get all the attention he deserves.
Anyhow, I had the strangest dream.  I was on a ship and I wanted some private time with the characters who play Logan and Rory (Gilmore Girls).  It seems like the three of us were a "couple."  We were going through all the rooms trying to find one that was private enough.  We finally found one (but I didn't see anything) and when we were done I told Rory that I loved her and sort of implied that I felt the same about Logan but I just whispered it in her ear.  Then I kind of separated myself from them.  When I saw Rory again her hair was long and blonde.  She looked at me and tried to get my attention but I just walked away and flirted with some other cute guy.  Heh.
I am gonna lay down for now, I'll write again later.

<3,
me