1:36 a.m.
Well the day didn't go exactly as planned. I have to take care of my dad this week because Kendra's dad died in a car crash on Saturday. He was swerving to avoid hitting a deer and he crashed into a tree and his car caught fire. That is the most awful thing I have ever heard of. Also... The place we went to be called Faybian park brought back a lot of memories for me. For one I wanted to get married to Brian in that Japanese garden.
I have been on my own officially since the 25th of August. On Thursday it'll be a month since I left. For the past few weeks I have been worrying about a completely different guy. I had a thought tonight. I thought that whatever I am thinking, he is probably thinking as well. Basically every time we spoke in Florida all he'd say is that we'll never know. And I think that on the surface he is all about the physical or whatever but underneath I think he knows it's a delicate situation and he doesn't want to screw it up. I wouldn't want to be the next guy after Brian either. I think it would be a lot easier to get into my pants than my heart right now. I don't mean I'm going to sleep around or whatever I just mean physical is all I can handle right now. But you know... Who knows what could happen? He could fall in love with someone tomorrow. I just hope that he is at least up front with me.
I did speak to Ryan a little bit about going down to see him. I still feel like he is more serious about me then I am him. I am hoping that he doesn't wait around for me. Even though, how often is it that you find a girl who lets you say anything to her, can make you laugh over anything, lets you be right and laughs when you make bodily functions, and is one hell of a lover? Ha. I guess I can be pretty hard to get over.
Man... This weekend didn't work at all. I could not turn off my phone for the life of me. I need like just 24 hours of not dealing with it. I send texts to people and they don't answer.
God...
I need a sign to let me know that Mike is thinking about the same things I am but not one that going to scare me away. I am going to give myself some silence, and also I am going to trust you. But I need something. Anything you can give me right now would be great. Well maybe not tonight cause I'm about to fall asleep but maybe in the next week.
Love,
Me
2:01am
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10:56pm
well, I actually made it through the whole day without looking at my phone. I felt like it... Hell I feel like it right now... But I just don't have the energy to see who is and who isn't speaking to me at the moment. Truth is, I don't want to deal with anything at the moment. Boys can wait. Ack this TV is bothering the shit out of me. It's making this crackling noise. Annoying!!
Well... Tomorrow I actually do have to get up fairly early. Goodnight!
Rita
11:04 p.m.
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September 24th, 2008 1:13 a.m.
So... Today was a very interesting day. I decided to text Mike and to my surprise he actually answered this time. Apparently his phone got screwed up/rained on (even though I don't seem to remember it raining in the past week, but whatever). So, he asked me to critique the night I came over. So I said that I liked the kissing, but felt a bit inhibited, which is true I mean hello I'm in a strange house and I am trying to be respectful of the fact that his parents are asleep and yeah so I dunno what he was expecting but I did enjoy myself. I dunno what his problem is though. He doesn't really understand me. Sad thing is I don't think he's trying to. I'm going to tell him that I like him better when he's not trying to impress me and if he wants to get to know me I am willing to do that because it's the truth. I don't dislike him, I just don't know him very well. And he doesn't really know me either. I don't even know if I'm his type.
Oh--ha. I guess Ryan is jealous of all this stuff that isn't happening between Mike and myself. He asked me if this guy was better looking than he was. Which... I dunno. I never asked him if whoever he hooked up with was better looking than me and I don't want to know. Ryan is Ryan and Mike is Mike. I'm not comparing them. And at least I'm talking to someone I already know as opposed to a bunch of men I d don't know. I still want to visit Ryan though. I think it'll be a fun trip. I just have no idea what's gonna happen with anybody.
Today is the first day of the rest of Brian's life. His last day in the apartment. Would have been mine too had I stayed down there. Truth is, he didn't want to come here. So... I left on my own. Tomorrow I'm gonna work on this thing I read, might put it in here.
Love,
Me
1:37am
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