Say Goodbye

Say Goodbye by Ashlee Simpson
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"Nothing will ever change no matter what you say
I'm still gonna be the same
the harder we try, the harder that we fight, can't get it right
So I scream, scream cuz it hurts
your every word
cuts me inside and leaves me worse
there's no way back
but if there was
You'd still be you and
I'd still need to say goodbye"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This song reminds me of the day I broke up with Mike {and also now the day I broke up with Brian}.  Not the first time, but the second and final time.  I went to his house during my lunch break during school and ended up driving him to the unemployment office.  It was strange being back there cuz I remember him saying the first time we were there a couple months before that he noticed that the girl was lazy because she didn't keep up with her nails.  And being back there with him just reminded me of what my life was going to be like now.  I was going to finish school and better my life.  And he was going nowhere.  And even tho I have struggles, I have a real life and I have real friends and family down here and I have the best relationship with my parents.  So even though this break up was the worst at the time for me, I saw the light at the end of the tunnel.  And I made it through. My heart is stronger because of it.

Undiscovered by Ashlee Simpson
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"cuz I can't fake and I can't hate
But it's my heart
that's about to break
you're all I need
I'm on my knees
watch me bleed
would you listen please
I give in
I breathe out
I want you, there's no doubt
I freak out, I'm left out
without you, I'm without
I'm crossed out
I cry out
I reach out
don't walk away
don't walk away
don't walk away"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This song is beautifully written by someone I really admire, Ashlee Simpson.  Her show came out on MTV around the same time Brian came to visit me, and we drove over to Borders (my favorite bookstore, across the street from where my mom worked) and we got the cd on the same day that it came out.  So that song, along with the rest of the cd, reminds me of Brian living with my family, and driving around w/ my dad.  It was my favorite time, being with Brian and getting to renew my relationship with my dad.

On The Radio by Regina Spektor
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"This is how it works
you're young until you're not
you love until you don't
you try until you can't
you laugh until you cry
you cry until you laugh
and everyone must breathe
until their dying breath
no, this is how it works
you peer inside yourself
you take the things you like
and try to love the things you took
and then you take that love you made
and stick it into someone
someone else's heart
pumping someone else's blood
and walking arm in arm
you hope it don't get harmed
but even if it does
you'll just do it all again."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This song reminds me of Valentine's Day last year (2007).  I had to work a double and it was the first day that Lauren and I started talking after about a week and a half of not talking to each other.  I came home to take a shower when the roomies came back and I could hear her say something.  I came out of the bathroom and Brian told me what happened.  Looking back on it... there was really nothing I could have done to help or hurt the situation.  Also it remind me of driving in the dark going to school (it was during winter so it got dark quickly).

Who Knew by Pink
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If someone said three years from now
you'd be long gone
I'd stand up and punch them out
cause they're all wrong and
that last kiss
I'll cherish
until we meet again
and time makes
it harder
I wish I could remember
but I keep your memory
you visit me in my sleep
my darling
who know
my darling
my darling
who know
my darling
I miss you
my darling
who knew
who knew
~~~~~~~~~
This cd came out at the exact time that my best friend, Chelsea, came home to visit her family (early July 2006).  It was also around the time I met Lauren (Earnest's girlfriend).  At first I wasn't sure about the album and I always felt like "who knew" sounded like a Kelly Clarkson song.  So I didn't listen to it for a while.  But this one day I had off work and Brian and I were fighting.  I just got in my car and went to the new age store in Lake Worth.  I just got there and my mom called me.  We talked and I was basically crying on the phone for about 45 minutes.  But I just kept playing the Pink cd and after that it really grew on me.