10:42pm
In a couple hours I will be 26 years old. I can’t believe what a difference a year makes. I never thought that I would be single again, much less thinking about someone else besides Brian. This is gonna sound weird, but lately, especially while being alone, I feel guilty about Brian. I have only slept with 2 men, both of them I was serious about. The sex with Mike was amazing… when he was sober (which was 1% of the time). The sex with Brian was always magical. But when we had our last fight, I should have called the police on him and I should have been clearer. I should not have had sex with him at all. I have actually tried to break up with him a lot of times. I didn’t spend his last birthday with him because I knew he’d be drunk. So even though David was a dumbass who ruined Christmas, I was trying to avoid Brian and his drinking at all costs. This was way before Ryan came into the picture. I don’t even know if I want to end up with Ryan or find someone else, but I do care about him. All I know is, that trip to Fl is coming up soon. I think I’m either going to be honest or write my mom a note. I don’t think she’ll be mad either way. I’m a grownup I can do what I want and if i want to visit somebody it shouldn’t be that big of an issue. I just don’t want her to worry about me.
I have not heard from Mike at all. He’s either “really busy” or he’s just a slime ball. It was really sad… looks like somebody can’t back anything up. Oooh well. Oooh and guess who just started talking to me…. Chelsea!! Fun.
<3,
me
11:00pm
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11:46pm
You know, I’ve been talking to Chelsea for 47 minutes now, and not once has she mentioned the fact that tomorrow is my birthday. She’s leaving for FL and she is telling me her marriage is pretty much over, but I don’t believe it.
Another thing that pissed me off is the fact that she googled Ryan and his picture came up. I felt like saying something but I didn't. It just brought back bad memories, like the fact that she was “surprised” that he didn’t text me once and then pissed on me when he accidentally texts me. And now she’s bringing him up again. Ugh it never ends. I feel like saying… “you know how many pictures I have of him? Many.” But… I don’t. I am keeping this far away from her. I am always so tempted to say something just to get her to go away. I am so glad she won’t have internet for a long time.
Well, I gotta wake up early for my 1st day of work.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!! Oh and P.S.,... Ryan remembered my b-day even though I mentioned it once and Chelsea hasn’t said one word. I’m not gonna say it to her tomorrow and see if she says anything, or if she says anything at all about it in the notebook. This is so sad.
11:58pm
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